Why is he even worried bout it?

[LouisianaLady29]

So me and the ex have been apart for like a year and a half, he declares nothing but hatred for me and our child. I posted here like a month ago on how he's asking around where I work and all that and came to the conclusion it doesnt even matter but now almost everyone we know mutually is telling me he's asking where I work and if I am dating but at the same time bashing me verbally to them. Why is he trying so hard to find out what Im doing when he ended it long long ago and has had and still has several women in his life. We are not talking a few questions here and there, no lie, five people that i came in contact with today told me he asked if they knew this or that about me? Why worry bout it if you are so done? I don't think hes just being nosy anymore.

[dewilliams2]

Well he sounds like a huge tool...I'm sorry.

He could just be one of those possessive guys that thinks you'll never be with another guy...or maybe he has feelings for you...doesn't explain the bad mouthing.

You could always get a restraining order...at least then he couldn't come around your job while your there.

[Midgey]

He sounds like a wanker.

Does he pay child support? can you live without his help?

I'd cut contact all together if i could.

[Gigabitch]

He's possibly planning to **** up your car or try to get you fired. I don't think he has some emotional agenda beyond hating you.

Everything you've posted about this guy makes me thing he's one of the worst bastards walking the earth. Protect yourself and your daughter.

[QueenofCorona]

Weird situation. Some people just get totally obsessed with what they think they hate and fixate on it and part of that is keeping up to date on their subject of hate so they can have something to talk about. Or he just wants to know how and where he can have access to you to taunt you, like bring around one of his skankety gf's to your work or where you hang out to try to rub it in your face. He's obviously really immature and a loser. I agree with dewilliams, you may want to consider a restraining order if you feel he is possibly capable of doing harm to you or your property.

[Incognito]

I too think the the first order of business should be a restraining order if you have even the faintest thought that he might even try to hurt you or your daughter. You don't want to wait until he tries or actually does because paperwork takes time. I'd also call the police the first time that he shows up at your job, or at the very least call security and alert your boss (assuming you have security where you work). Running into a few people in the course of a month that say he's been asking questions would worry me, but five people in one day tells me that he's planning something and needs to know how and where to catch you. Does he pay child support and have other children too?

[LouisianaLady29]

First off thanks for everyones responses. To try and answer all questions. Yes I have went after support, our court date where the amount will be ordered is on the 30th of this month (Im so nervous) paternity was quick and easy as they had a copy of our personal DNA test that embarrasing enough he asked me to take knowing I never stepped out on him and the state took one from their people for the sake of being far by law to him and same results, our baby is his of course. To explain the verbal bashing, he lies all around town that our daughter is not his even though everyone KNOWS she is, he's delusional. So every chance he gets he bashes me to try and paint me a monster so everyone will hand hold him on being a deadbeat. He has 2 other children, sons, one he doesnt care for and one that he does. The mother of that son is currently doing time for prostituion, distributing drugs and using and flight from probation. She gets out in July, has been in nearly a year and that is where she had their baby. HIs mom told me they called her and told her have your son come pick up his baby (from the prison) which he did and has been taking care of him ever since. Dont get me wrong, in no way shape or form do I want him to leave that baby's side, it is his child but at the same time he should love ALL his kids. But he picks this one b/c him and his mother are both alike. He likes drama and anything disobeying the law and so does she They think its "cool" to have a "real" (going to jail and doing five to ten for each other is what they call "love") relationship so of course he loves that baby because he loves the mother, I get that, but still no excuse for disowning ours, his firstborn. He does have other women but its all for the sake of putting money on the books of the one he's with now. They ran this game on me after my baby was born and he told me they were done so I took him back not knowing all the while he was taking from me for her. Anyways I owe my daughter a big apology for opening myself up to have kids with someoen like him. I unwillingly choose that father for her and now he's absent. I have to take some of the blame, its no way none of the fault is mine. But doesnt mean I deserve his bad mouthing when I did nothing wrong, but try to "change" him and be "boring" (his words). He needed a "ride or die chick" and I was too soft for him and goodie two shoes. Oh yeah I agree hes a wanker and a fake, he puts on this hip hop persona and is middle eastern and denies everything about his culture all for the sake of putting on the "im so hard and cool" mask. Pathetic. Im just curious about why hes questioning about me and bashing me every chance he gets. You all helped put some of that into light for me. Thank you.

[Doc Durian]

Where does his family originally hail from in the M.E.?

Some areas are better/worse than others for westernized family values.

[dewilliams2]

First off thanks for everyones responses. To try and answer all questions. Yes I have went after support, our court date where the amount will be ordered is on the 30th of this month (Im so nervous) paternity was quick and easy as they had a copy of our personal DNA test that embarrasing enough he asked me to take knowing I never stepped out on him and the state took one from their people for the sake of being far by law to him and same results, our baby is his of course. To explain the verbal bashing, he lies all around town that our daughter is not his even though everyone KNOWS she is, he's delusional. So every chance he gets he bashes me to try and paint me a monster so everyone will hand hold him on being a deadbeat. He has 2 other children, sons, one he doesnt care for and one that he does. The mother of that son is currently doing time for prostituion, distributing drugs and using and flight from probation. She gets out in July, has been in nearly a year and that is where she had their baby. HIs mom told me they called her and told her have your son come pick up his baby (from the prison) which he did and has been taking care of him ever since. Dont get me wrong, in no way shape or form do I want him to leave that baby's side, it is his child but at the same time he should love ALL his kids. But he picks this one b/c him and his mother are both alike. He likes drama and anything disobeying the law and so does she They think its "cool" to have a "real" (going to jail and doing five to ten for each other is what they call "love") relationship so of course he loves that baby because he loves the mother, I get that, but still no excuse for disowning ours, his firstborn. He does have other women but its all for the sake of putting money on the books of the one he's with now. They ran this game on me after my baby was born and he told me they were done so I took him back not knowing all the while he was taking from me for her. Anyways I owe my daughter a big apology for opening myself up to have kids with someoen like him. I unwillingly choose that father for her and now he's absent. I have to take some of the blame, its no way none of the fault is mine. But doesnt mean I deserve his bad mouthing when I did nothing wrong, but try to "change" him and be "boring" (his words). He needed a "ride or die chick" and I was too soft for him and goodie two shoes. Oh yeah I agree hes a wanker and a fake, he puts on this hip hop persona and is middle eastern and denies everything about his culture all for the sake of putting on the "im so hard and cool" mask. Pathetic. Im just curious about why hes questioning about me and bashing me every chance he gets. You all helped put some of that into light for me. Thank you.

I certainly don't mean to overstep myself and I hope you understand I'm trying to help.

I understand that you want him to be a good father for your daughter but honestly if this is the way the guy behaves I would run so hard and not let your daughter be exposed to this. I mean you can't force a guy to be a good father and then you certainly can't force him to be a good man...not to say your trying...simply making the point that if he wanted to then he would.

I think you and your daughter would be better off to get as far away from him as possible. If I were you I would go after sole custody and then move away with your little girl and hopefully you find a great guy who will be a good father for her.

Just my opinion, as I said I certainly don't mean to overstep my place and I realize you weren't asking for this...just the result of my observations.

[LouisianaLady29]

To Doc his family is from Palestine (Turmsaya and Ramalah)

To dewilliams: You did not overstep. I posted my issue in a public forum so all responses are most welcome even if they would have been some I didn't like but I had no problem with anyones responses. You are not the first to suggest to me what you have . Even his own mother said its a blessing my child doesnt know or be around him, but yet they take care of his other child (one of the sons) I don't get it. But yeah I know I can't force him. I certainly didn't try to hard. I reached out a few times but after getting shot down so much I gave up. I even asked him to stop lying about paternity of our child and about me but his reply was he will do as he pleases and he has a beautiful son to look after so leave him alone. Yeah in those exact words I still have the emails for court in a week and a half in case he tries to act like I kept him away from his child (cuz he will play that sympathy card) Then I can oh well what is this email all about. Anyways, I wont lie I keep wanting him to care about our baby, how he feels for me I could care less but me and her are a package deal (not relationship wise, but communication wise) as I would not trust her alone with him due to his lifestyle so he would have to see her with someone I know or a third party I trust. And he wants no ties to me at all. Funny when I asked him why just 3 months ago he said b/c I would try to change him. Stupid. Anyways, I got informed again today of him asking where I am, so I am thinking on that order. Its really creepy. If you hate me so much and don't care about your own flesh and blood, what do you care if Ive landed on the moon and work selling rocks from there??? Thanks for your suggestions de, they are not out of line whatsoever.

[Doc Durian]

Palestine and Lebanon are very unique compared to much of the rest of the M.E.

They were once progressive, but fell by the wayside with malicious Western manipulations.

The boy children can be all over the place because of it.

The girls, not so much so..at least, outright. They desire the same things Western women say they want.

He'd be very tight with his mother but would look up to his father despite anything his mother could say or do.

It's much like a traditional latino upbringing.

If you can internalize this disparity, you may be able to better understand him and why he does what he does.

Good luck.

I know plenty of fellows from the region who want both the love and devotion of a good woman while they behave like total rat bags.

It's a catch 22 for them. Cultural and familial programming at odds with one another.. plus the French, English, Tribal meshing of various cultures.

[Midgey]

Hmmm... If i were you, I'd honestly cancel the child support, because (here, in australia) If the man doesn't pay child support he has little/no rights to the child.

Then I'd change your daughters name, Your name, exclude him from the deed poll at all (if possible) for protcection sake (they can do that)

Then move awa, far away, and start again.

You don't need or want a man like this anywhere near your or your child.

A child Doesn't 'need' a father, just a positive male role figure, i.e. grandfather, teacher, neighbour.... etc

I wish you luck!

[LouisianaLady29]

I asked him to sign away his rights in November of last year and I told him it would absolve him of having to pay any support, he told me give him overnight to think about it and would call me the next day, I waited like six hours then text him could we meet up with my attorney (who was on board with us changing from going after support to getting him to sign away rights), I text him that sorry to bother but if we can get this done now our lives can continue and our daughter won't be caught up in such a sad situation and you can move on with your life with absolutely no ties whatsoever, legally is the last step. He would not respond. Just continued with bashing me and calling me a liar to everyone in town even those who'd seen the DNA results. I don't get it there was his golden opportunity to sign away rights and I would've paid for it all and he didn't take it. Im anxious to see what strings he's going to try to pull in court this month. Ill be back here with an update most definitely as I may be a bit heartbroken b/c his words do quite sting a bit. But not signing away his rights when offered and wouldve been paid for by me and had a lawyer good to go for a meeting, I still can't get why he didn't go through with it?

[Midgey]

Soo he can keep her as 'currency' against you i spose?

What are you going to court for? is it custody? (so you never have to see him again?) Or money?

If you don't mind me asking

[LouisianaLady29]

It's ok Midgey

For child support...honestly I do work an 11 hour workday job at that and I don't mind working but shamefully I am having to gain a little public assistance at this time and while I don't knock anyone else who TRULY needs it. I cannot say I grew up thinking I want to make half my living off the backs of local taxpaying citizens. Being a taxpayer myself I'd prefer if I didn't need it all together. So here where I live if you have been on any type of public assistance when the child is born the state makes you give over info and the absent parent in hopes of getting some of their money back and getting you off of assistance. So...the only way to shut down the support order is him terminating rights. I explained this to him and he at first said "I ain't signing away sh*t" then I went into how it will absolve him of paying support and all that and he won't have any ties to her period, to which he replied let him think about it...well I did and he never returned my call. Everyone surrounding me or the situation thinks it's to keep me at bay if all else doesn't work out he knows he can go "home" but I beg to differ he is simply a little boy that doesn't want to do anything that may satisfy me in any way. And since I want him to sign them away he won't but if I didn't want him to he would. Simple as that I think. I can't stand him.