So I'm not sure if any of you read my little introduction, but I touched a little bit on this topic.
I was dating a guy for about 3 months. He talked alot about not wanting things to get "Complicated', and blah blah blah. I was cool with it at first because I hadn't been single for long, and I kinda liked the idea of having my freedoms & still having him. Until one day, (3 months in) we were laying together in bed, and I had a really bad day. He asked me what was wrong, and in the middle of telling him I burst into tears. Now, I absolutely HATE for people to see me cry, so I was more suprized than he was!! But he was so comforting and accepting that I felt okay about it. He just held me and rubbed me and made me feel better. That night everytime my heart would beat, it was like...I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!
It was so crazy! I didn't think I'd ever feel that way about anyone, let alone him and so fast. But I didn't know how to tell him because of all the stuff we talked about. Like staying casual. So I just kept it to myself for about a week. I thought long and hard about it, the last day of that week. I thought about how he would fit into my life, with my kids, and my family. And I just knew in my heart of hearts, that it would never work out.
Like once I wrapped my mind around the thought of us being together, I was over it! I mean I felt like no feelings at all. One of my friends said I was being "Emotionally Detatched" because I felt that I would be rejected. I didn't think that was true. I'm just a rational person who rationalizes everything, I think about every possibility and problem and situation. I came to the conclusion that we just weren't right for each other. And like that, I was over him. Didn't even really miss him after 3 or 4 months of seeing each other...
The more I think about it, and the way I've been dating guys lately....Maybe I am emotionally detatched? I will like a guy for a while, I mean REALLY like him. But it seems like I'm bored and over him before I really give him a chance. When I google'd emotional detatchement, it sounded a lot like me. I've noticed a lot when I'm with a guy, I will distance myself from him. They will say, "Whats wrong?" and I'll say "Nothing." (typical woman answer right?) But I know inside there really is something bothering me, even if its something small. I just dont know how to say it or if they will even care. So I say nothing. Literally.
I guess maybe its a defence mechanism. If I dont let anyone get too close, than they can't hurt me. I know its not healthy, but I really can't help it. And I didn't think I was like this until I saw the real definition. I know I have a slight dissociative disorder, like its really easy for me to tune people out, or go to my "happy place'. That is a defence from being sexually abused when I was young. I had to block it out so I would just imagine I was anywhere else in the world. I couldn't see, hear, feel, think. I would just be out of my body for a while, it's really hard to explain. I can still do that, like when I'm getting blood drawn, or just dont want to be aware of my surroundings. Its kind of scary because I start to lose track of time if no one snaps me out of it. But thats a whole nother post!
I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, its really been bothering me. I don't want to talk to anyone about it out of fear they will think I'm crazy...or just a tramp! If anyone knows anything about this or has any advice I would appreciate it alot!