Trouble with relationship

[silencer230]

Hey guys sorry for the long post, I'm 25 years old and I've been in a relationship with this girl for 2 years. I'm currently living with her and and we've been living together for a year now. Our chemistry is great, I have no complaints with that aspect of the relationship at all. We're also two very proud parents of a 5 month old baby boy. Evey thing is going great in the relationship except for one thing. I've noticed that my GF's sex drive has slowed down a lot in the past couple of months. I don't understand what the problem is, she is just she never in the mood. We fall asleep all the time talking to one another, but it never goes past that like it used to. When I do try to have sex with her she shrugs me off and says that she is too tired. There's a catch to this whole story though, there is one thing that does get her in the mood and it's alcohol. She will only come on to me or respond to my flirting if she is under the influence. When I first met her she was always in the mood and when she was drunk she was an animal. If anything it's the total opposite with her now. She also doesn't seem to be enjoying the sex anymore. The drunk thing really bothers me because I feel like I shouldn't need to have a bottle of Bicardi Lemon in the house to be able to get laid. We're also supposed to be getting married next year and all of this is making me doubt going through with it. I mean if this is the way things are going now I can only imagine how it's going to be in 10 years! This issue is also making me doubt how she truly feels about me because lately I feel more like her BFF than her man. I really do love this girl, but I don't know if marrying her is the right decision to make. I can't see it being a physical thing because I haven't gained weight or anything like that. If anything I've been in the gym for the past couple of months and have I've lost weight. She is the one that has put on pounds not me, but it's understandable because she just had a baby. Please help!

[amoamo1980]

Well the sex thing shouldn't be a massive problem imo. If you're worried that there is a deeper meaning to it like she is losing interest in your relationship, then maybe, but maybe she just wants a happy relationship with somebody she is in love with now. She may have lost her sex drive because of having the baby, and it might come back after a while but if you only have sex every so often, if you love her you will live with that
Maybe its an idea NOT to have sex with her when she is drunk? If she doesn't want to sober, doing it drunk is almost taking advantage isn't it?

[Regnent]

Children, by default, can take a huge chunk of a woman 'intimacy' pool. It's not always the case, but there's a person there who probably requires alot of her attention, and takes up a chunk of her personal space.
Plus she's still very hormonal.

I don't liqueur up my wife either.

What matters here, because it -may- not change, is what's important to you.

Is the sex more important than, I assume, your child, and/or your relationship with your GF?

I would say, if your top 3 -needs- (what you feel you really require to be happy), are not being met, then you have some thinking to do.

You may want to try and talk about it too. Just avoid 'I want' or 'I need'. She's already got someone who needs alot more of her than you do.
You -have- to share now. On the plus side, kids can be a great thing, but it is a serious adjustment for you, your GF, and your relationship.

[silencer230]

Children, by default, can take a huge chunk of a woman 'intimacy' pool. It's not always the case, but there's a person there who probably requires alot of her attention, and takes up a chunk of her personal space.
Plus she's still very hormonal.

I don't liqueur up my wife either.

What matters here, because it -may- not change, is what's important to you.

Is the sex more important than, I assume, your child, and/or your relationship with your GF?

I would say, if your top 3 -needs- (what you feel you really require to be happy), are not being met, then you have some thinking to do.

You may want to try and talk about it too. Just avoid 'I want' or 'I need'. She's already got someone who needs alot more of her than you do.
You -have- to share now. On the plus side, kids can be a great thing, but it is a serious adjustment for you, your GF, and your relationship.

Ok you misunderstood me with the liquor thing. I don't even like drinking that much, she is the one that loves that stuff. I never tell her to drink she does it by herself. I'll try to have sex with her and she'll shrug me off. Then a couple of hours later she'll come back a complete different person after a couple of drinks. I don't like sex while being buzzed or drunk. She seems to feel that it's the best thing in the world. I even brought this up to her one day and she denied it. The sex only when drunk issue really bothers me because it makes me feel like she isn't really attracted to me. From my understanding people only being able to have sex with someone while drunk signals that they can't do it while sober because they are not attracted to them. If I'm wrong then someone please correct me.

[silencer230]

Well the sex thing shouldn't be a massive problem imo. If you're worried that there is a deeper meaning to it like she is losing interest in your relationship, then maybe, but maybe she just wants a happy relationship with somebody she is in love with now. She may have lost her sex drive because of having the baby, and it might come back after a while but if you only have sex every so often, if you love her you will live with that
Maybe its an idea NOT to have sex with her when she is drunk? If she doesn't want to sober, doing it drunk is almost taking advantage isn't it?

Amoamo I want to ask you a question. As you have written she just wants to be in a relationship with someone that loves her. Well that is the case right now. She doesn't work so I cover all the bills and I shower her with love every day. I also do chores around the house like cooking and cleaning too. She is getting her needs met so Amoamo so what's wrong with me getting my needs met?

[amoamo1980]

I see your point there. Yeah, she might not work but she's looking after a kid while you're out working, and thats a job in itself. And yes you might be doing a lot of chores, but I'm sure in time that will balance out. She hasn't long had a child and she needs time. Yes you might want sex, but sex is a sensitive issue. Also, you shouldn't expect an exchange of chores for sex. And doing chores for her isn't what I meant by love. I meant spending time together, talking, laughing, enjoying each others company, being there for one another, sharing an emotional connection.

[silencer230]

I never do expect sex to to come from me doing chores around the house. I was just trying to make the point that I help around the house to help her relieve her stress. If I was stressed out all the time I wouldn't want sex either. I understand that I watching the baby is it's own full time job. I watch my son by myself too.

[Gigabitch]

It's probably hormonal. Give her time to balance out again.

And drunk sex is awesome. I just don't have the leisure to pursue it very often.

[Regnent]

Ok you misunderstood me with the liquor thing.

No I didn't
Whether she gets into it, or it's encouraged, having drunk sex as the only sex is unappealing. As you say, you wonder if she just needs beer goggles?

[IncognitoSir]

To the thread starter, I understand what you mean. Although, there's a GREAT chance that this are hormonal complications I can understand your frustration. After all, sex is a part of your relationship, just like your kid, love, money, family, etc. I wouldn't worry too much about it as of right now but at the same time I wouldn't over look the issue either. If you guys are talking marriage then this "issue", if it continues to be one that is, must be addressed just like any other issue in your lives. As for now, just roll with it, after all, she did just birth your young baby boy and that can be a big adjustment for some women.

[TheTooya]

I would pin a lot of this to her having a child...

They add stress, more responsibility, hormonal changes. I'd agree with Vashti that it may take some time for things to balance out with her.

Also, communication. Talk to your girlfriend, let her know how you feel. Don't whine or complain, but just let her know what you are feeling about all this.