So I had sex with my roommate...

[Gigabitch]

I don't think anyone said slut. Interesting that it's what you chose to hear. Do you feel slutty, having done this?

[s0und0FF]

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of the laissez-faire sleeping around patterns that plagues our society and most people wonder why "all the good ones are taken", and why I would never date a girl who has a male roommate, and pity the fool who does.

If you ever do get a boyfriend, I strongly suggest you do him a favor and relocate. For some reason I can see you f***ing your roommate before your boyfriend comes over to pick you up and takes you out on a date or is at work, working on building himself a future with you involved.

It didn't work out for Jerry and Elaine (Seinfeld reference), and it probably isn't going to work with you guys either..

</rant>

So, I take offense to pretty much everything you just wrote, and here's why. First of all, I plainly stated the both of us fully intend to stop having sex with each other as soon as one of us starts dating. Not "dating seriously." Dating AT ALL. So there will NEVER be any instance in which I'm screwing two different guys. Ever.

We both agreed it wasn't a big deal, and if one of us starts dating, we'll still be friends but we'll just stop having sex with each other.

Second, I'm not "sleeping around." I'm sleeping with a guy I live with, and he's sleeping with me. Neither of us go to clubs or stay out all night. If he brought a girl home, I'd be able to hear it. If I brought a guy home, he'd hear it. Close-quarters households such as these are ones which demand absolute honesty. We're smart enough to know that much.

So, thanks for bluntly assuming I'm a cheap stupid slut without so much as reading my entire post. That felt great.

[s0und0FF]

I don't think anyone said slut. Interesting that it's what you chose to hear. Do you feel slutty, having done this?

I don't, since I'm only having sex with one guy. But for that person to say that he can "see" me ****ing my roommate before my boyfriend comes to pick me up implies that I would do things a slut would do, hence why I would take offense that way.

[VincenzoG91]

Is this guy really your roommate? Or landlord? If landlord, be prepared for trouble later if you move on and start dating someone new. Just because you both agreed to something doesn't guarantee that you will both be able to avoid irrational reactions or behavior later on.

[Gigabitch]

I don't, since I'm only having sex with one guy. But for that person to say that he can "see" me ****ing my roommate before my boyfriend comes to pick me up implies that I would do things a slut would do, hence why I would take offense that way.

Well, can you look at what everyone else said too? It looks like everyone's concerned that you're getting used. FWB almost always ends up with someone getting hurt. In this case, I'm thinking it's you. I think you're setting yourself up for trouble.

[s0und0FF]

He's likely not interested in anything you have to say. You have no other arrangement other than to have sex.

He will be far more interested in when he's getting his next 'lay', than talking I would imagine.

My roommate and I are still capable of speaking to each other without preceding or succeeding the conversation with sex. Maybe I'm just not with the program, but I like to think some men can handle speech and logical thought without getting their dicks involved. We were friends well before we started ****ing, and we wholly intend to continue the friendship.

[s0und0FF]

Well, can you look at what everyone else said too? It looks like everyone's concerned that you're getting used. FWB almost always ends up with someone getting hurt. In this case, I'm thinking it's you. I think you're setting yourself up for trouble.

OK, maybe you're right about that. This could be a dangerous situation later on. It doesn't feel like that at the time though, since we've each watched each other fail miserably in previous dating situations.

Is this guy really your roommate? Or landlord? If landlord, be prepared for trouble later if you move on and start dating someone new. Just because you both agreed to something doesn't guarantee that you will both be able to avoid irrational reactions or behavior later on.

Hm...yeah, that's the scary part. He collects the money to pay to the owner, so technically he is the landlord. This is why I'm nervous enough to ask for advice online; I want to make sure I know how to keep both of us strictly as FWB. If I catch feelings, I can deal with that. As for him, he's a pretty rational guy, but I don't want to get a 30-day notice slipped under my door just because I told him I'm seeing someone and can't **** him anymore.

Based on the responses I've gotten on this thread, I'm beginning to think that no matter how much I discuss with him, and no matter what we AGREE to do, the bottom line is, if emotions get involved, rational decisions might fly out the window, so I'm essentially walking on eggshells. But what's done has been done, and if I bring up my concerns with him it's not going to make any difference -- since neither of us are emotionally attached at the moment, except as friends.

On top of that, I doubt it's possible for me to backpedal out of this situation completely.

[s0und0FF]

[QUOTE=QueenofCorona;608250]

But I just feel like I need to ask...What are some important things I should be discussing with him? QUOTE]


Thats the thing. By this set up he doesn't owe you any answers or explanations. He's getting the perks of a relationship but without any strings attached. Be careful. I've never done something like that only because I've never seen it end well, someone ALWAYS gets attached. Protect your heart and keep a level head about what this really is. Its going to feel really bad when/if he comes home with another girl or he gets pissed at you and kicks you out for hanging with another guy.

Not trying to be Debbie Downer on you, just being real. I don't know him or you though, maybe its meant to be if you both have been single awhile and friends, who's to say it won't lead to more.

I think I WILL feel hurt when he brings a girl over one day. I can admit that. With most people, when you spend so much time with somebody AND you're having sex, you're in a committed relationship. So, I'll probably be hurt in a somewhat similar way. But then I'll get real with myself, or he'll talk to me the day after, and I'll be okay. Since the house is separated apartment-style -- our rooms are like medium-sized studios with separate bathrooms -- I wouldn't have to actually see them if I didn't want to, even if he moved in a new girlfriend.

We're both sensitive people and we're jaded from the whole dating scene. But at some point one of us will luck out and find someone. What happens to the other one, I'm not sure. Sad, but true.

I love your signature, by the way.

[l337acc]

Based on the responses I've gotten on this thread, I'm beginning to think that no matter how much I discuss with him, and no matter what we AGREE to do, the bottom line is, if emotions get involved, rational decisions might fly out the window, so I'm essentially walking on eggshells. But what's done has been done, and if I bring up my concerns with him it's not going to make any difference -- since neither of us are emotionally attached at the moment, except as friends.

On top of that, I doubt it's possible for me to backpedal out of this situation completely.

Thats exactly what we're saying. Bottom line is you cannot get involved with a roommate/friend/whatever without developing some sort of connection. And it sounds like you are trying your hardest to justify it by any means necessary.

And per your other response, I think FWB is one of the many definitions of being a slut. Though I will say this, a true slut wont develop emotions. So there still may be some hope for you. All I'm saying is if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck...then.....

And the only way for you to backpedal out of this one is by finding a new place to live, because things will eventually get U.G.L.Y. if you dont head towards a committed relationsihp

[s0und0FF]

Thats exactly what we're saying. Bottom line is you cannot get involved with a roommate/friend/whatever without developing some sort of connection. And it sounds like you are trying your hardest to justify it by any means necessary.

And per your other response, I think FWB is one of the many definitions of being a slut. Though I will say this, a true slut wont develop emotions. So there still may be some hope for you. All I'm saying is if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck...then.....

And the only way for you to backpedal out of this one is by finding a new place to live, because things will eventually get U.G.L.Y. if you dont head towards a committed relationsihp

Aw, man. Ouch.

Although I don't think it's right to be implied a slut when I'm only having sex with one dude in the past twelve months, but I understand what you're saying. If there's going to be room at all for either of us to ever have committed relationships, we'd have to either A) stop ****ing each other, B) get over being jaded sensitive dorks and try an actual commitment to one another, or B) I'd have to move out (which, honestly, I doubt I can afford the costs of that).

It's a tough pill to swallow...but thank you for the advice.

Granted, if emotions do happen to get involved and we're both OK with that, at that point it would be a no-brainer to just call it what it is instead of keeping things under wraps.

[NBT]

My roommate and I are still capable of speaking to each other without preceding or succeeding the conversation with sex. Maybe I'm just not with the program, but I like to think some men can handle speech and logical thought without getting their dicks involved. We were friends well before we started ****ing, and we wholly intend to continue the friendship.

Exactly.

Just because you start having sex with someone you're FRIENDS with, DOESN'T mean the friendship OUTSIDE of sex ceases to EXIST.

People are naive.

You've just added another "benefit" TO the friendship. You didn't exchange the friendship for a sex partner.

FWB's and F-Buddies are two different things.

[NBT]

Bottom line is you cannot get involved with a roommate/friend/whatever without developing some sort of connection. And it sounds like you are trying your hardest to justify it by any means necessary.

And per your other response, I think FWB is one of the many definitions of being a slut. Though I will say this, a true slut wont develop emotions. So there still may be some hope for you. All I'm saying is if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck...then.....

And the only way for you to backpedal out of this one is by finding a new place to live, because things will eventually get U.G.L.Y. if you dont head towards a committed relationsihp

lol, So you're saying that she, as a woman, is not allowed to satisfy a sexual craving, simply because she's not in a relationship?

She should ignore all sexual desires, and let her physical needs suffer, because she doesn't have a boyfriend right now?

Please tell me I read that wrong.

Otherwise, that's absurd.

[TheTooya]

^^^ What he said...

FWB definitely doesn't define a slut. FWB with multiple people... sure, 1335, I'd give that to you. But sleeping with just one person? Not in my books is that a slut.

[l337acc]

lol, So you're saying that she, as a woman, is not allowed to satisfy a sexual craving, simply because she's not in a relationship?

She should ignore all sexual desires, and let her physical needs suffer, because she doesn't have a boyfriend right now?

Please tell me I read that wrong.

Otherwise, that's absurd.

They make toys and other options for that
What I'm saying is that she needs to have thought out the implications/consequences before she starts ****ing guys shes not serious about. I think we can all agree that, that is a bad idea. The fact that shes here shows shes conscious of that fact, but was hoping for people to spoon feed her some sugar coated B.S. and tell her its okay despite the track record of these things.

^^^ What he said...

FWB definitely doesn't define a slut. FWB with multiple people... sure, 1335, I'd give that to you. But sleeping with just one person? Not in my books is that a slut.

I see what you're saying. I guess the point I was trying to make is that if she would do it with him (FWB), she would do it with anyone else too as she says its "no big deal." Thats how it all starts.

I have 3 friends. Girl A and I decide that we're bored, so we'll help the next 5 minutes go by and ****. We both say its okay cuz we're just friends, with an added benefit. I haven't seen Girl A for a week, but Girl B wants to hang out and I think shes a better candidate for FWB than Girl A. So after I **** Girl A, I tell her that I met someone new and we can still be friends, just with no benefits. Then one day I meet Girl C and like her alot, the problem is I really like ****ing Girl B alot too. So when I'm not ****ing Girl B, I'll be hanging out with my girlfriend, Girl C.

What does the above have to do with anything? Nothing. But I'm looking for some FWB now

[Gigabitch]

lol, So you're saying that she, as a woman, is not allowed to satisfy a sexual craving, simply because she's not in a relationship?

She should ignore all sexual desires, and let her physical needs suffer, because she doesn't have a boyfriend right now?

Nobody said that. What people are saying is that it's naive to expect that things won't get complicated. They generally do.