I took her for granted and she left me for a new guy

[hurt&feelindumb]

When we got together, I was 23 and she was 21. We always had a great time hanging out with friends, and we always had fun going on dates together, like grabbing a bite to eat, or catching a movie. It was still very exciting to go on dates together, because we had to plan to make time to see each other.
So fast forward, things are going great....I moved in with her after we were together for about seven months, and i think that is where things started to take a turn for the worse. She is very busy, with a full-time job, and going to school full-time. I also had a full-time job. Looking back, I realize that we only had certain specific windows of opportunity to have fun together, and that I should have used that time to show her that i enjoyed her company very much. I know now that I missed out on way too many opportunities to spend that time with her, because I was hanging with friends or just taking care of stupid things I could have done any other time. I didn't listen to her when she showed me her schedule (this happened more than once) she would point out the time I had to spend with her on her detailed schedule, and then give me this look like it was my turn to say something. I should have planned to spend that time with her, of course. Anyway, you get the idea, I took her for granted. It was because I wasn't thinking, I guess. It all seems so simple, now- I may have even made her feel that she wasn't exciting to me.
Long story short, she started hanging out with someone else, and then we broke up. I think I should respect her decision, but i love her and I know I would be happy with her for the rest of my life. And I would learn from my mistakes, and grab on to every chance I could to see her. I don't know what to do, because she has a new guy already.
Any help would be appreciated!! I feel like such an idiot, after we broke up , she told me that she just didn't feel the spark anymore. I think that would make sense, since I didn't make an effort to SHOW her the way she makes me feel. Should I give up on her? Did I ruin my chances?

[hello1]

It is sad when a person makes it clear they want something to change but the other person ignores it. Then this sparkling new person comes along who may tick all the boxes that you did not. I think it is unlikely she will get back with you now, she will want to try it with this new guy and not risk giving you another chance. Lesson learnt, eh? whos more important now?

[adam95]

so sorry for you man. I am in the process of learning this same lesson right now. Had an argument last week with my girlfriend where she told me that I don't pay her enough attention and I realized that she was right. I've been spending this whole time trying to make it right again. I'm just lucky she isn't with any one else.

all i can say is if you guys manage to stay friends then i guess thats good. If ever it doesn't work out with the new guy maybe you can subtely bring it up that you never lost feelings for her and that you've completely changed now (don't just say it, prove it). but right now, i think its a little late.

[hurt&feelindumb]

I just wish I could have understood the signs because what women say, and what they mean are two totally different things! I thought I was just giving her space, I mean, we lived together, I thought she would be tired of seeing me. Damn it, I miss her. Thanks for the advice, guys- I should show her that I've changed, not tell her ( because that's a waste of breath) And it's definitely too late right now, since she's in a new relationship and of course everything is going great for her right now. But.... she still wants to be friends, and she told me that she hopes we would be together later, and she hopes I feel the same way. Is she telling me this just to make me feel better? And as far as being friends...should I just completely cut off contact with her, or should I be her friend? What's my next step?

[Henry123]

..what women say, and what they mean are two totally different things! ...

Thats why its good to have women friends. They can help you decipher that sorta of stuff.

[lahnnabell]

Well, don't be that hard on yourself. It's the job of a couple to work together and to communicate their needs to one another. When one person stops communicating openly, there tends to be little the other person can do. You can't read minds.

Hopefully this will be a lesson on how to become more self-aware (a very important life skill anyway). But don't let her wishes of possible reconciliation cloud your judgment or prevent you from developing. She can't expect that you're going to hang around, waiting for the hopeful opportunity of winning her back. That is simply unfair to you.

Do you think you can even be friends with her while you're hurting and she's with someone new? This rarely works. Resentment tends to build over time and will likely kill any hope for reconciliation down the line. I want to tell you that if it's meant to be you should let her go now, and if you both find each other again, you'll have an even stronger bond, but even I'm not sure about that. I'm in a similar situation where I might have to give up my relationship to pursue a career. It sucks.

[SAULE]

Well, yes, you ruined your chances. Actually, you pretty much killed them all.
You really only have 2 options to choose from:
1. Go after her. Be persistent about it and actually show her that you still love her. If she really is the best thing that happened in your life, you have to make her see that.
2. If you truly love her, and she's made it completely clear that there is no chance of you two getting back together, be happy for her and let her go. Just be there for her and support her from the sidelines.

It's all up to you. Good luck!