Am i being taken for granted?

[honeypie83]

Hello everyone, I would really appreciate some advice and help on this one

I was made redundant a couple of months before I met my boyfriend, and we have now been together for 3 months and i still am not working ( I hate not working!). My issue is that I dont know how to handle this situation i seem to be in! Basically im not working and dont have much money but my other half seems to take me for granted. He never pays for anything and expects me to pay all the time!! when we buy food or get a take away or go out to get a bottle of wine he never reaches for his wallet! Now i believe that everything should be 50/50 in a relationship but i'm not working and he works and makes a pretty good salary! Im really struggling here trying to cope with the limited amount of money I have and for example spent about £50 this weekend on food/drink for us both and he knows that my money needed to last me for the next 2 weeks.

He stays at mine the whole weekend and asks for tea and breakfast in the morning in bed he uses my hot water and never does little things like take his plate and put it in the dishwasher just expects me to do it, he eats all my food never brings anything round like food/drink. He just expects me to wait on him hand and foot! For example this weekend, we went back to his house to pick up some DVD's we then went to the shopping centre because he needed to get a book for work, then we got back to my house and he said he was hungry and then i had to cook for him and i didn't have anything in the fridge that was quick and easy and because i didn't want to seem rude i cooked him one of my sisters ready made meals that she bought but the point is that he had plenty of chances to grab a bite to eat back at his house or in town and he waited till he got back to mine to eat almost like he takes me for granted!

Okay am I being rude or is he taking me for a mug? What should I do because I feel like im his weekend servant! I joke about with him saying "oh you take me for granted and you dont know how lucky you are to have someone who cooks for you and stuff" but he doest seem to grasp what im saying! He lives with his mum and she does everything for him. she brings him tea in the morning, does his washing and ALL the house work even though hes 28. I never get invited round his house and when i asked if I could go over to his one night a few weeks back he sighed and got all funny with me saying he wont be able to cook for me and I would have to pick up a take away or eat before i came round he made such a big deal about it i said dont worry just come over to mine.

Oh and sometimes i say to him eat before you come over because i might of had a big lunch or not hunrey that day and he ALWAYS guilt trips me into cooking for him still, like he will say "i only had a sandwich for dinner, im really hungry what can u cook me"? this really winds me up!

Please someone help me! what shall i do!?!?!
x

[jimmy1200]

Hey Honeypie!

Well it certainly seems he is completely self centered and due to him being completely mothered all his life, he needs a reality check, as rude an awakening the harsher the better in fact imo...

He seems to be completely inconsiderate to the unfortunate situation you have found yourself in and is taking advantage tbh... Its fair to say he's not oblivious to it because you say in your post that he knows how little you've got and need to make it last.

Its not like your looking for total support, just for him to pay half, wow, what a massive ask out of you!!!! not!!

I think its all back to the way his mother treats and provides for him.

You need to take a stand and stop this treatment asap, its not fair on you. If you dont i'll just get worse and prob drive you insane if you stick it out!

Be frank and stern with him, say, sorry, no...

If he doesnt get the message then he's obviously not that great a guy...

just my 2 cents... hope all works out for you!

[ShyGuy81]

He seems to want to have his cake and eat it too. You seem to be expected to take care of him and do all the things he mother does for him like a 1950's housewife. But at the same time he expects you to pay for everything too.

I have to agree with Jimmy on this one, it does seem like he has been mothered quite a lot. Being 28 and still having everything done for him is not doing him any favours.

You do need to take a stand and just say no, if he comes over and you have said that you have eaten so he should eat first and he hasn't done then tough. He is old enough to sort himself some food out and you did tell him before hand.

It is best to nip this in the bud now as quite clearly he is taking all the stuff you do for granted and if you don't stop it then he will keep expecting it.

You are his girlfriend, not his mother and he needs to realise that.

Lee

[Raze]

He sounds like a jerk to me. Maybe, you like that kind of thing, but I don't think you do since you're ranting about it. I'd say leave the jerk. Breakup with him, he's not going to change. You can't change a guy so don't think for a second he's going to change.

[Yggdrasil]

Maybe you can tell him that when he stays over at your place and uses your facilities and services, that it's $20 per hour.

That's about what people pay on average for a good, decent maid (sexual services are optional and cost extra).

[valkyrie4896]

Wow, total mama's boy, what a loser.

[Raze]

Maybe you can tell him that when he stays over at your place and uses your facilities and services, that it's $20 per hour.

That's about what people pay on average for a good, decent maid (sexual services are optional and cost extra).

I don't agree with sexual services costing extra. I usually frown upon the idea of paying for sex.

[Yggdrasil]

I don't agree with sexual services costing extra. I usually frown upon the idea of paying for sex.

Freeloader

[Gigabitch]

You're not going to be able to change this behavior. It's rooted in deeply by the "other woman" (his mom). He has no reason to change it. He'll keep acting like this until you dump him and then he'll tell everybody about what a demanding bitch you were, his mommy will make him a sandwich and he'll find another sap just like you.

This whole situation stinks and you should get out of it with grace and dignity before you become too entangled with him to leave. I've dated guys like this (briefly). They don't change.

[honeypie83]

Thanks guys, that does help!

I do feel kinda bad about feeling so angry at him it but it does really upset me! I think he just doesn't realise what he does and has no self awareness of how he acts because its what he is use to!? he last thing I wanna do is be his other mother!

I AM going to be a LOT tougher and say NO and STOP paying for stuff. I guess its made me realise that I need to TALK to him and say how im feeling before it gets too far down the line. Anyway - im going to give the relationship another chance because he his a good guy otherwise and if after we talk it doesn't change i will move on.

Thanks again guys! x

[Raze]

Freeloader

Well, I mean if you pay for the date and get sex, that's okay. But just saying here take this cash, we're going to have sex. It's funny though how they are kinda related to each other, but like I'm just not into "hookers". I'm also kind of not into the traditional dates. I like having a picnic with a bottle of wine while watching the sunset even though I have to pay money for the supplies. I don't know. I just like a romantic time leading to sex. Man, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I hope I'm making sense, but sometimes I'm not so just go with it.

[Yggdrasil]

Well, I mean if you pay for the date and get sex, that's okay. But just saying here take this cash, we're going to have sex. It's funny though how they are kinda related to each other, but like I'm just not into "hookers". I'm also kind of not into the traditional dates. I like having a picnic with a bottle of wine while watching the sunset even though I have to pay money for the supplies. I don't know. I just like a romantic time leading to sex. Man, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I hope I'm making sense, but sometimes I'm not so just go with it.

I hear you but that was not the point I was trying to make

I think the OP got the point.

[_JM_]

Hi. Sorry, I find that some men are not good at "reading between the lines" ( not a critique, their minds, scientists claim, are wired differently) Therefore, be more direct. Tell him you cannot afford to pay for.....at the moment. If he's determined to be in this relationship long term, he should understand. If he does not understand, move on. You do not additional stress.