Orgasm Issues

[lahnnabell]

I think the real problem here though is his close-mindedness, rather than any 'techinal' considerations regarding the sex itself.

Thanks, Jess. Things started out easier and he was very open-minded. His concern was that we're going on a year together and it hasn't gotten any easier for me to hit orgasm during intercourse, even with plenty of oral sex as foreplay and clitoral stimulation during intercourse. I told him that the trouble with this is that we've only recently begun having intercourse regularly, and he was away for 4 months earlier this year, so it set us back a little on our sexual progress together. I told him not to fret, and that I believe good sex takes time to get right, especially for me.

He was much more at ease about it this morning. Seems like he had an attack of conscience last night after the deed. And while I'm usually pretty understanding, some of the things he said bruised my ego and I got upset. I'm totally willing to work at it and make it fun in the process. Part of my problem is my desire for an orgasm. When I get on that path, sometimes I feel like a woman scorned if I don't get what I want. I need to stop being so petrified of potentially not having an orgasm (If I don't, he views that as failure, like many men). And for a long time, before a guy began giving me orgasms, I was content to go without until I started dating men who knew what they were doing. Now, it's a must, for me and for the guy's ego. But I think I need to pull back and stop obsessing over it.

[jessZ]

I know what you mean! I think sometimes people forget that, setting aside it's primary purpose (reproduction), sex is meant to be fun!! It is easy though to fall into that kind of behaviour where you're on a mission to come and forget to just be 'in the moment'.

I suppose the positive in this is that he does actually want to please you. He describes it as an ego thing, but it is probably equally tied to him wanting to satisfy you more than anyone else ever has.

You know, I think you guys would really benefit from more playfulness, just to relax and not take the whole thing too seriously. Sometimes my bf & I make each other laugh by trying to talk about something conceptually difficult whilst he is doing me from behind. Hehehe... Sounds kind of silly I know, but it reeeeally relaxes both of us and takes the focus away from sex as a 'performance' and makes it seem like just another fun thing we do whilst we're talking. Of course, the taking doesn't really go on for long....

[jessZ]

And a year is NOTHING! Especially when you've been apart for 4mths.

[lahnnabell]

And a year is NOTHING! Especially when you've been apart for 4mths.

Haha! That's what I said! I'm only the second woman he's dated this long, so I can see why his views are a tad skewed. All his previous relationships have been short and tame, or strictly sexual encounters. He came home from work earlier today and said, "What've you been up to?" I said, "Research!" He asked me on what, and I said, "Orgasms!" He smiled and laughed, 'cause he knows that I'll Google anything. I told him again, "I read again that most women fake it." He nodded his head in understanding, and I said, "Except me." He thanked me for that.

So, things are good. I think I wanna focus on him using his hands a lot more. Get my clit used to that type of stimulus. It'll be hard at first because his tongue just feels so damn good. And for a long time I avoided oral sex because no guy I dated could figure out how to eat me out. Now that I've got one, I never want it to end. But I gotta give here.

I'm kind of paranoid at the moment, 'cause I don't want him to think that having sex only to find I may not orgasm right away is a waste of a condom. Yes, he did say that, and it hurt a lot, but I know he didn't mean it maliciously. I may be finally getting a chance for some affordable health insurance though, so I can probably get back on the pill. Psyched for that

[ecojeanne]

whats the point of having vaginal sex if you don't climax? maybe it just comes down to concentration? i'm not really the best to give advice since i didn't even know well adjusted women have issues like this. if i couldn;t climax with vaginal sex then i would just give up i reckon coz i don't have the patience or the generosity to be there for him to cum alone. i've heard of women not being able to climax but i just assumed they had been abused or had some psyc problem. in your case could it be laziness? that you had it too easy coz he goes down on you? getting him to stimulate your clit during sex sounds like a good idea to get back in the saddle.

[lahnnabell]

whats the point of having vaginal sex if you don't climax? maybe it just comes down to concentration? i'm not really the best to give advice since i didn't even know well adjusted women have issues like this. if i couldn;t climax with vaginal sex then i would just give up i reckon coz i don't have the patience or the generosity to be there for him to cum alone. i've heard of women not being able to climax but i just assumed they had been abused or had some psyc problem. in your case could it be laziness? that you had it too easy coz he goes down on you? getting him to stimulate your clit during sex sounds like a good idea to get back in the saddle.

I also need to teach him how I like him to touch my clit. Sometimes he's a little too rough. That's my fault for not speaking up sooner. However, I was knowingly trying not to burden him with too much at once, since intercourse has only recently become a regular activity. I wanted to work on getting him interested in intercourse first (reasons he's had reservations about intercourse extend back before he met me), so he's gotta be patient with me in turn. I've been immensely patient with him. Now that we're on this new page, we can step it up a notch.

And yes, I did have it too easy. He was perfectly content to go down on me and please me that way for a while, even without asking for anything in return (but I love to please him too). I've grown so used to orgasming every time that I feel a little slighted if I don't have one, and he feels inadequate if I don't have one. I need to cut that sh*t out though. I'm sure it's only perpetuating his fear of not pleasing me.

[Gigabitch]

I had to teach my husband to be more gentle with my pink parts too. It really paid off. Fortunately, he wants to please, so he has no problem accepting feedback.

I agree that a year is nothing. We've been together four years and it's STILL getting better as we learn more about what we both like. There is plenty of room for improvement after only a year.

[Kaius]

Last friday my GF sent me a cute email and a link: orgasm arts dot com. She assured me we have a perfect sex life, and that I've been doing everything right to make her have the squirting orgasm. She just thought this fellow Jason Julius was very "clinical" and "scientific" about the whole process.
I saw the link and the video, and I was thoroughly offended. I don't really know why.... I guess if this Jason Julius kid were a real expert, he wouldn't need to share his experience. Who is this punk kid think he is to tell others how to have sex?! I told my GF I didn't appreciate this video,
as it was neither informative or funny. She thought I felt offended because it was a hint, which I knew it was not. I mean, this kid could have learned it from ME!! Anyway, an argument ensured, and it was just unpleasant. My GF has no problems achieving all types of orgasms with me....as we feel happy that we are so compatible sexually. I just don't like people trying to teach about female orgasms as if it were an art form or unusual phenomenon. Sex is natural, but not when people have to try so hard.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for God's sake, Kaius. Do you ALWAYS have to fight?

[IndiReloaded]

the internet: the place where non-professionals can pretend they are

[kats86]

If there was something he was doing wrong, I'm sure you would tell him. He shouldn't be so selfish as to thinking it's about him. Every girl likes different things and as you get to have sex more often you both will figure out what feels good for both of you. I suggest he enter you doggy style, then he can play with your butt(a finger) and you can play with your clit... I never thought I'd like it but I've had some pretty good orgasms from doing that. Hope all works out.