Orgasm Issues

[lahnnabell]

Okay, so lately my boyfriend and I have been having sex more regularly now, which is so wonderful. There were personal reasons of his that caused him to object to intercourse, but we've been working through them. The last several days have been wonderful.

However, I have trouble orgasming when we have actual intercourse. I'm very used to him going down on me, and I love it. But when we change from oral sex to intercourse, the change in sensations seems to throw me off and I take longer to get off. Every time we've had sex, I end up jumping off eventually and riding his face. He expressed that this disappoints him because he wants me to have an orgasm while he's inside me. He said he's beginning to feel as though something is wrong with him, or that he's not doing something right.

I told him from Day 1 that it is not easy for me to get off. I don't have vaginal orgasms (and from what I've read most women don't); I need my clit stimulated. Apparently all the girls he's been with before have had an orgasm while he's been inside them. Great for them, but guess what? I'm not them. I have some ideas about what the issues are and how to fix them, but I need some advice.

1. I think we should hold off on oral sex. I loooove it, but the sensation is so intense that my body is almost addicted to it. I want to play around with other methods.
2. Officially kicked smoking. I know this affects blood flow in the worst way, and I also want to sharpen my senses again. (I know cancer should concern me, but for some reason immediate consequences are the deciding force here.)
3. Practice. I told my boyfriend that really good sex takes time (for me). You have to find a rhythm with your partner, and we've only just begun having regular intercourse.
4. We need to expand from vanilla sex and experiment with other positions and stimulation. Cowgirl is fun, but it can get boring too. Besides, it doesn't provide deeper penetration, which I want and need.

Any other advice?

[Gigabitch]

For me, it's almost impossible to orgasm from intercourse unless we're doing missionary, and then it's amazing. None of the other positions do a thing for me (besides just being fun, which they are).

I suggest giving vanilla another try with a pillow under your ass to change the angle and make sure he's grinding right up against the front of you. Works for me.

[kitkitkitty]

when youre having sex, get him to stimulate your clit at the same time. and try different positions too.

[VincenzoG91]

Google "coital alignment technique" for an effective variation on the missionary position.

[lahnnabell]

Giga, I'm glad you said that. Cowgirl is fun, but doesn't do much for me satisfaction-wise. Missionary is better and he can go deeper. I'll try it with the pillow too.

And kit, he does stimulate my clit, but it pales in comparison to what his tongue can do. Then change in sensations throws me off. I need to get used to him using his hands on me more.

Not sure what more I can do to help him through being self-conscious. I tell him all the time how much I enjoy him and his body and what he does to me. I jump him any chance I get, which doesn't always help 'cause my sex drive is higher than his.

[kitkitkitty]

maybe you could try using a vibrator too? it's different, but solves the consistency issue.

[lahnnabell]

Yeah, we've used my toy on occasion, but he fears that relying on my toy means that there is something wrong with him. Something he is doing wrong. Not sure how to convince him otherwise.

[kitkitkitty]

remind him that women are lucky if they can orgasm without clitoral stimulation. it's not that he can't please you/ he's doing something wrong, it's how most women work. guys feel like theyre being almost 'replaced' by toys but i think youve just gotta show him how to use it on you and that it's then again down to him

[lahnnabell]

I did a lot of reading just now. For some reason, he's got this idea that because other women he's had sex with have had orgasms with him inside of them, that I am supposed to as well. I have had orgasms during intercourse before, but always because of clitoral stimulation.

I think he and I need to sit down again and he needs to hear me out. It's like he doesn't believe me when I say that women require clitoral stimulation. I would bet a decent amount of money that some of those ladies he's slept with have faked it. I REFUSE to fake an orgasm. I know what they feel like, and I would never lie to myself or him about it.

He also needs to be willing to learn. No more of this "my ego is bruised" BS. You get better at something by practicing and learning.

[kitkitkitty]

if you sit him down, remind him that every woman is different and you can't generalize us on things especially sex. just like some guys can go at it for hours, others last about a minute. im sure there are plenty of articles in women's magazines that outline all of this. get him to read it. if he doesnt get it, tell him they're facts not something you made up to see how far he'd go!

[lahnnabell]

Yeah, I've done this before. I've told him that these are FACTS I'm spouting, not wishful thinking or blatant lies. He's got it locked into his head that he holds the key to a woman's orgasm, like so many other males. They think, well, if my penis fits in her vagina, then she should be able to orgasm there too. No. The clit is the sexual and anatomical equivalent to the penis. Guess I need to print out a chart and some visual evidence?

I also think I need to do some more digging into his past sexual experience. I find it hard to believe that EVERY woman he's ever banged has had an orgasm through intercourse.

[kitkitkitty]

i don't see how he thinks that. but anyway.... yeah you need to talk to him or it'll cause a 'lack of relaxing' problems later on which isnt what you need.

[dewilliams2]

I did a lot of reading just now. For some reason, he's got this idea that because other women he's had sex with have had orgasms with him inside of them, that I am supposed to as well. I have had orgasms during intercourse before, but always because of clitoral stimulation.

I think he and I need to sit down again and he needs to hear me out. It's like he doesn't believe me when I say that women require clitoral stimulation. I would bet a decent amount of money that some of those ladies he's slept with have faked it. I REFUSE to fake an orgasm. I know what they feel like, and I would never lie to myself or him about it.

He also needs to be willing to learn. No more of this "my ego is bruised" BS. You get better at something by practicing and learning.

I'm glad to hear you don't fake it. I'd rather a woman let me know she wants or needs something different than to simply fake it to make me feel better...I mean sex should be good for both parties...communication is important.

[jessZ]

Must be frustrating that he isn't listening to you. He sounds either very inexperienced or yeah, naive. I'm like you lahna- I don't come during intercourse unless there is direct clitoral stimulation. I agree that his exes were either lying or very lucky!!!

I don't know, maybe you could get him to go down on you before intercourse, so that you're relaxed and really turned on, making the chance of orgasm (in missionary position) more likely...

[jessZ]

I think the real problem here though is his close-mindedness, rather than any 'techinal' considerations regarding the sex itself.