She doesn't have any friends

[bacchus]

I have been dating a girl for just over a year now and I am totally in love with her. I think she is probably the one. Or at least I did.

A little back ground on me: I am 29 and this is my third real relationship. And first time living with a significant other. I didn't do much dating over the years, mostly due to self confidence issues. But I am over that now (lost a bunch of weight).

We moved in together about a month ago. All of my friends have come by to see the new place and hang out or whatever. But none of her friends have. And that got me thinking. Before we were living together she would go out with friends from time to time. Not a lot but often enough to notice that she does have a social life of her own. And on deeper reflection I realized that I have only ever even met one of her friends and that was a couple of months ago when we went to Europe (her friend lives in Germany).

And now that I am aware of this, I notice that when I go out with out her, she seems a bit hurt. Because I'm going out without her? Or that I'm going out with friends? I don't know.

So any way, my questions is "Should I be concerned that she doesn't seem to have any friends?" or am I just being paranoid

[bluesummer]

Yeah, you should be concerned.

My number one rule for relationships is that you still need to have your own friends and your own lives that are separate from each other. It's not healthy to just want to be only with each other ALL THE TIME. Maybe for the first month or two you start dating, your friends will understand for awhile.

Think about it. She has no friends, she's going to start expecting you to either stay home or take her out on your guys nights. Your friends will start to bitch that you can't go out, or go out without her. She will start to resent your friends. She will start to resent you if you don't take her side. You'll start to resent her for being so needy. Relationship over.

That girl needs to get some friends. Asap.

[Agape]

It might be a warning sign . . . it begs the question, "why doesn't she have friends?"

Did she have friends back home? Does she keep in touch electronically?

[Mushroom]

Why don't you ask her if she wants to invite some friends over for dinner or something and if she says 'no' ask 'why not'?

[BrownDog52469]

I'm not telling you to run for the hills, but I think you need to explore the issue in depth. My wife was the same way when we married. Since then her one or two friends have faded away and she makes no attempts at reviving the friendships or forming new ones. Sadly, this same attitude exists toward me. I don't feel she is a friend or a companion anymore. She is perfectly content this way. It is a real problem for me. Being lonely AND married is a horrible fate.

[Radarsonar]

How people behave towards their friends does not necessarily reflect on how they treat their SO but it's definitely a warning sign. The fact that she has no friends might evolve into her putting all her effort and attention on you, resulting in you becoming estranged from your friends as well.

Maybe try double dating? It's probably the easiest way to get her to meet new people. That and maybe suggesting her to pick up a new hobby/sport.

[vashti]

Some people don't have as much a need to interact with other people. If she isn't expecting you to get rid of your friends, and she isn't expecting that you become like her, then leave her alone. Jeez, you guys seem to think that everyone is outgoing.... they aren't. Some people are just homebodies.

BTW - does she have siblings? My siblings are my best friends, and they live in other parts of the country. I would rather hang with them than anyone, but obviously, I can't.

[RdHrshyKss]

Some people don't have as much a need to interact with other people. If she isn't expecting you to get rid of your friends, and she isn't expecting that you become like her, then leave her alone. Jeez, you guys seem to think that everyone is outgoing.... they aren't. Some people are just homebodies.

BTW - does she have siblings? My siblings are my best friends, and they live in other parts of the country. I would rather hang with them than anyone, but obviously, I can't.

i'm an example of that. i dont' really like going out and interacting with a bunch of people because i feel like it's fake and phony most of the time. i hang out with some of my school friends every now and then, but we all live separate lives...if i feel the urge to go out, i call up my sister...she's the only one i really feel completely comfortable doing whatever with. honestly, when my bf goes out with his friends i'm completely fine with it, i encourage it...i love days at home doing my own thing.

[vashti]

I don't hang out with tons of people because I find that the more I hang out with them, the less I like them. The only ones I never get sick of are my sisters and my kids.