Will it work? Emotionally and Physicallystimulating, Intellectually not.

[dan559]

Hi I just started dating a girl who is great. I care about her a lot and hate seeing her hurt and down. We also love to cuddle, hug and kiss and sex seems to be on the way.

the thing is though that I don't find her all that intellectually stimulating. We don't seem to talk a lot because, well, i don't know why. I could be that we just aren't intellectual equals

So do you think such a relationship could last in the long run?

Thanks for your help,
Dan

[xxazurexx]

I once read and that you need to be compatible in four areas and for a relationship to stand any chance of surviving and lasting.

These are emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually.
If one is missing, it won't survive and for the long haul.

[vertical_sky]

Does talking/intellectually stimulating conversation matter to you? I know some people who don't care if their partner is as smart as a box of rocks, as long as they [look hot/cook well/have lots of money/etc.]

If it's important to you, it won't last. If it isn't, then it doesn't really matter.

[xxazurexx]

Sounds as if it does matter and when he's here whinging about it.

[dan559]

Ya it kind of does but I'm thinking I can get intellectually stimulated elsewhere.

[vertical_sky]

Ya it kind of does but I'm thinking I can get intellectually stimulated elsewhere.

Dude.

Let's say things do work out with this chick, as in marriage work out (that is the ultimate goal for most people in regards to relationships.) It means you have to go looking for the slightest intellectual stimulation elsewhere for the next FORTY TO FIFTY YEARS. So the person who you see every day, who you go on vacations with, who you sit across from the dinner table night after night after night, doesn't do it for you intellectually...

Yeah. Good luck with that.

[SelflessnHumble]

No, your relationship isn't going to work at face value.
No one can be certain of your relationship's fate but after the sexual high wears off...What then?
I don't understand how in the world you can like someone solely based on physical attention/affection alone?

Are you socially awkward? Is she?
Have you no hobbies to share with her? Does she?
If two socially awkwardly boring people get together how will the other get the memo one doesn't like the other anymore? See?
Truth: it is a breeding ground for disaster. You will find things out only when she tells you.

I dated girls like this before.
They love telling doozies whenever they felt it was convenient.
Among my favorite one liner's:

-You never asked me to be your girl (when confronted with hickies she said her brother bit her)
-You never claimed me so we weren't together (when confronted with her "cheating" that never happened) -same girl as above-

-I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to get upset with me (when confronted with numerous guys' phone numbers on her pager)
-We never talk -when confronted how she told everyone else we were broken up -except me- lol

-I was molested by my uncle when I was 5 (not funny but she didn't tell me till 3 years later)
-I am bi-sexual (she had been all along but never said anything until 5 years after) same girl as above

And many many more because of these people and their crap communication.

Lastly what do you mean intellectually equal?
Are you speaking with a higher vocab than her?
Are you an A student and she is some D, F student?

Is the only reason you ever liked her stemmed from the physical?

[xxazurexx]

They think they will be together and forever because the sex is good and they like the look of each other....

Kids eh? lols

[Immortality]

If she loves you a lot, and if she admires you she will try to learn more about the things you like. For example, my best friend loved reading about psycology. I remember the way she was talking to me about the things she was studying, why she was studying them, the look on her face, how excited she sounded...and she really got to me.She stimulated my interest and i began reading psycology books too.
The example i gave you regards the friend zone but i think the same thing can happen to you and your girlfriend. Just try to discover your common interests, HER interests and then enhance them. Talk to her about what can touch your soul and mind and if you really are ment to be together you will get your ideas across to her. And who knows,she might discover she loves enriching her knowledge. By this im not saying you ll MAKE her a more intellectual person but you can always try to influence her for the best. If you dont succeed, then i dont think the relationship will last for long. She has to stimulate your mind too and vice versa.

[RockNRoll]

Is she shy/reserved/not that chatty and not that good at communication, conversation? Or is she really on a lower level intellectually compared to you?

Do you have something (common or different) to talk about and do together? Are you not bored?

Doesn't sound long lasting, in my opinion. It wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't get attracted, if he wasn't that bright.

[xxazurexx]

^Me neither. There has to be more than looks/good sex.

[HeartIsAching]

I once married a woman that was significantly less intelligent than me. It didn't work.

I found myself getting frustrated with having to explain things that were obvious to me to her, over and over again. I eventually just started talking down to her, telling her to just take my word for it... which really wasn't fair.

[jenniferx]

I once heard that relationships won't work if there is 20 point or more gap in IQ. I'm not sure if IQ is a sure definition of intelligence.. but even with that being said 20 points is A LOT. To be on the same page and really understand each other, intellect is a part of that, a large part. However, I think there are different kinds of intelligences/ intellectual abilities. For example some are good at math while others are good at arguing and common sense. What's important, I find, is if your intellectual abilities click making you on similar pages and able to understand each other. If not then the basis of your relationship may be based on infatuation. I have a feeling you may be mixing this up with the emotional part you say is being satisfied. Conversation generally precede emotional connection/ chemistry, IMO....I mean how else do you achieve the latter?

[Boisdevie]

It won't work. For it to work in the long run you need to have mutual respect and some of that comes from having an intellectual side to the relationship - it doesn't mean you always need the same values or tastes - but unless you click intellectually it just won't work