A womans weight

[Tyler Durden]

Hello,

Recently I have met a girl online and I really like her a lot. She's a great person, with a great personality and we have all the same interests. I've never met anyone who had the same interests as me, and me and her are into all the same music, movies, television shows, video games, etc. I really started to fall for her before I even knew what she looked like.

I started talking with her on Facebook and we've become really close. I have feelings for her, and she has feelings for me. I almost feel like a bad person for talking about this but she is heavier, to put it gently. Though this doesn't change the way I feel for her. She's still a great girl, and she has a cute face, but I'm not AS attracted to her physical appearance. I don't want to come off as an insensitive jerk to you guys, I care about her a lot I really do. I've always had a strong appreciation and admiration for the women body. I'm not looking for a super model or the cover girl of Maxim or Sports Illustrated swim suite edition, but I do love a beautiful female body. So the whole issue has me confused. Does this make me shallow?

I was wondering what to do in a situation like this.

[MaidenMinx]

When my fiance and I got together I thought I had veered well away from what I was usually physically attracted to. I thought for once I had made a decision based on personality over looks and I was proud of me (I'd like to add here, I never considered my fiance unattractive, he just didn't knock my socks off) FF to 2 years ago. He'd started growing his hair a few years back which I was pleased about because I have always liked guys with long hair (he didn't do it for me. He's a metal head. He did it because his dad was no longer around to hassle him about his hair). Then he took Movember (growing a mustache during November for prostate cancer) a bit far and didn't shave all month. I bought him a grooming kit and now he has a goatie. When he first shaped his goatie my first thought was "OH WOW!!! There you are!"

Give the girl a chance. Even if she was gorgeous now, that's not going to matter in 50 years time, is it?

[MerryH]

but I'm not AS attracted to her physical appearance.

Do you still find her sexually attractive at all? Do you want to do sensual/obscene things to her? If yes, then stop tripping and go for it. If no, then move on - she's not your type, and that's okay.

What is not okay, though, is to try to change her in any way or make her feel shitty about her weight. So just be careful of how you handle this.

When my fiance and I got together...

Cute post.

[pisces25]

Say you do hook with someone that has a lovely body will you leave them if/when she has your children? What if she has an accident and is disfigured and can't exercise and puts on weight? These may be things to consider as someone's weight (particularly a womans) does fluctuate throughout her life. FYI my BF had a similar problem when he met me. His relationships previous were mostly based on physical attraction but when he met me he felt attraction on many levels, unfortunately physical was right down the bottom. He is not a big person so I guess he felt a bit intimidated that I could fit into his shorts and beat him in an arm wrestle. His problems also crossed over into the bedroom where he struggled to perform as he was so used to seeing "perfect" bodies (not just in RL but through porn, media, etc). This wasn't the only reason but it contributed. Anyway I eventually said enough is enough and left but we have since reconciled and in the time we were apart he sought therapy for his various issues, a lot relating to his past, and each day we are working at forming a true connection. He never claimed to not find me attractive, he just struggled with my body not being a size 6 to what he was used to and thought he was most attracted to.

Have you met this girl in RL? I agree with Merry if you have met her and feel like you do want to have sex with her I think you will be able to get past it. It may just take some readjusting of your thoughts and mind processes. Also maybe evaluate your views on sex. If you view women as ojbects just to have sex with then this will have a bigger bearing on your situation than if you view sex as just another way of showing your partner love and forming an intimate connection with them. After all you like this girl coz it is her, not someone else.

[Sixpacj]

in the time we were apart he sought therapy for his various issues, a lot relating to his past, and each day we are working at forming a true connection. He never claimed to not find me attractive, he just struggled with my body not being a size 6 to what he was used to and thought he was most attracted to.

I am sorry but "struggled with my body not being a size 6" = he did not find you sexually attractive.

This has nothing to do with connection. You can have a great "connection" with a woman, emotional, mental, spiritual, but when there is no sexual attraction, there will likely be no relationship. It is not a mater of counselling.

For instance, if you do not feel attracted to loser, sloppy, self-hating guys, would you consider that it is your problem and you should seek psychological help?

[Jolicoeur]

Does this make me shallow?

What this makes you does not really matter. You have no real control over your feelings.

I've had a date a long time ago with an interesting sounding girl I met online, but our first meeting was a bit of a chock for me. She was not really bad-looking, but I was not at all physically attracted to her. It left me really confused, maybe a bit as if I was cheated; as if this girl and the one I talked to online were not the same person (if this makes any sense).

We had a few real life dates, but the feeling didn't change. I apologized many times, but there was nothing I could do about it. I stopped online dating after that episode.

So my advice is: go on a date with her, but stay honest both to her and to yourself.

Also, be aware that people in real life are very different than on a picture. Visual expression and social presence are impossible to get from a snapshot. This could be negative but also positive.

[Horseyguy]

I'm the wrong person to ask because I am shallow like that, I wont date anyone over a size 10

I just don't find large ladies at all physically attractive and that's important to me, I like girls with petite bodies so no matter how many things we had in common I'd still not date her and that's what you have to ask yourself I guess.

If you can see past her figure not being what you particulary like then just go for it, if you can't then yeah it's a problem.

[Dune]

Honestly, who doesn't want a hot/beautiful/handsome/good-looking partner? Someone say no to this.. Someone! I dare you!

I guess it's kinda the whole package.. Like what you want from a partner and what you can deal without.

Also, from a biological perspective, we pick mates who have a fit physique for a reason. We want healthy partners (no offense meant).

But then again, the perspective of beauty ALWAYS changes.. Just look back in history. There were periods of time when fat was considered beautiful etc etc..

DUNE OUT