A Womans Perspective

[Kinetic]

I recently made contact with a girl a couple of years older than me through a dating site. We'd talked a few times with each, got on well with each and so I asked her out on a date.

We met up and spent a couple of hours with each other. From my own perspective, I felt there were a few mixed signals .. the first part of the get together she seemed a little nervous (she'd told me before we met she was very nervous) and although we talked a lot, there didn't see to be that connection .. There was next to zero eye contact from her .. this is usually a big warning sign, I agree - but there was WAY less than what they're should of been if it was just due to lack of interest.

After a cigarette break we shared, the 2nd part of the night went better .. we talked more, laughed, she even mirrored the way I was sat with her, lots of eye contact .. it looked like some connection had been made. After another cigarette break, it once again went back to how it was at the start of the nigth although we were a lot more relaxed.

So we called it a night and went outside and stopped at my car - she lived barely 100 meters from where I'd parked and although I offered, she said it wouild take her a minute to get home so no point me hanging around.

At this point I was at the stage of thinking "oh well .. met someone new, enjoyable night .. but cant see anything coming from it".

But then I noticed she was lingering .. For a goodnight kiss?

So I leant in to give her a kiss on the cheek and she responded in kind before we gave our farewells and went out seperate ways.

I left it day or so then sent her a message saying "I enjoyed your company, was fun - I'd like to do it again" ... and she responded, surprisingly in someways "Yeah, I'd like to see you again" .. ok, great.

Later that night she messaged me and asked me if I'd like to meet up the next day and go for a walk in the countryside together .. to which I replied "yes, love to".

However, next morning she messaged me saying she'd woke up in a rough way and she'd have to cancel .. and despite me messaging her back to reschedule, she's not replied now for over 24 hours.

So I'm just trying to work out whats going on here .. SHE asked me for the 2nd date and then cancelled .. Any ideas?

[xxazurexx]

I think the lack of eye contact during the first half of the night, would have been totally down to nerves on her part.
I've been in this situation and I couldn't meet his eyes either as I was soooo nervous and it usually takes me a while to warm up to people and particularly a stranger I am meeting for the first time. So I wouldn't be reading that no eye contact, means 'no interest'. Understand that this was your FIRST meeting, you are bound to be both nervous.

As for her being 'wishy washy' afterwards, who knows?

Perhaps there wasn't a huge interest on her part, or perhaps something came up. Maybe she is testing your level of interest and to see if you call back again? Maybe her ex boyfriend called her and she's having second thoughts? Or maybe she lives by one of those dumb rule books, that says call after 2 days, 43 minutes and 2 seconds? Could be anything.

I think 24 hours is too early to be worrying though. If she called you once to arrange something, then she isn't shy about initiating dates.
I'd leave it a day or so, then call/text her again. If no reply to that, then I think you have your answer.

Interested people don't generally leave you hanging.

[Gigabitch]

Don't freak out and do something dumb. There could be a hundred explanations for what's going on.

Just sit tight. Don't text her or call her again for a couple of days.

[enfant terrible]

Either she was telling the truth, or she might have asked you out out of "guilt" if you know what I mean. Since you said "I enjoyed your company, was fun - I'd like to do it again" she might have felt obligated to be nice and say that she wanted to meet you again as well even if she didn't want to. And then when it came down to it she just told you a white little lie to get out of it, hoping it'll fade out that way. That's what nice and shy girls do sometimes, cause they don't want to hurt the other person by telling the truth. But who knows, maybe she actually wanted to meet you again, I have no idea.

[Kinetic]

Hi there .. thanks for the replies .. a little update

She texted me the next day and arranged another date (this time, tonight, as I write). We spoke on the phone on Wednesday (she initiated the contact) and we had a good chat for 30mins or so. Great. She spent a good 10 minutes telling me how to find her house with intricate details. However, she's texted me again today .. she's ill once more and said " .. its not looking good for tonight .. "

She did mention something to me on the phone the other night about how this time of the year she gets down and depressed due to something that happened in her past - and, without saying it directly, its whats stressing her at the moment and making her ill (she's not sleeping well etc) and was going to explain what it was tonight and just get it out the way so I don't unkowingly "put my foot in it" in the future ..

I don't know. I really don't.

Obviously, she may well be genuine .. but looking at it from my perspective, it seems like " .. make a date .. cancel it .. make a date .. cancel it .. then he may just go away naturally" ... But then I can't understand her "efforts" in "chasing" me such as her initiating the phone call out of the blue on Wedsneday night and HER arranging of the actual dates.

I've never been down the online dating line before .. I've always met women out and about, in clubs etc and so with any future get togethers we've already "decided" theres mutual interest.

Do women play games like this? Wouldn't it be easier just to ignore me? Or is she genuine?

As I say - I really don't know. I've sent her a message back asking if tonight is a definite "no" .. but got no answer yet ..

If it is a definite "no" .. should I just say " .. welll, ok, hope your well soon and I'll leave it with you" .. or try and get her to tell me whats going on (with her own "anniversary" mood) as she was wanting to tell me about tonight anyway so I at least understand whats going on?

[xxazurexx]

Well I'm a woman and I don't play games with guys, if there is a real and genuine interest.

If a guy has ever had to 'second guess' me, it's usually because I'm not interested or I don't have that huge of an interest.

I think that if you are in a situation where you are always having to 'second guess', then you are being 'played' with by someone who doesn't have that big of an interest and they are merely keeping you around as an 'option'.

I'm suspecting that is what you may be to this girl....an 'option'.

She could be calling you and arranging dates, but if something better comes up meantime, she is cancelling your dates.

I personally wouldn't waste any more time on someone, that had arranged 2 dates and cancelled with me.

[Kinetic]

Thanks xxazurexx

Thats kind of the way I'm thinking .. but the thing thats making me go "hhhhmmmm" is its her doing the "chasing" .. thats what I don't get. If it was me doing the chasing and she was cancelling - fair enough. I don't think its a case of a "better option" thats cropped up with her .. she suggested date 2 late last Saturday night for the Sunday lunchtime .. and cancelled the Sunday morning - so unless she's a quick mover ............. !!

I don't know. I've sent her a message to get some sleep and rest up and such but let her know that I'll leave it with her ...

So I'll see what happens.

[xxazurexx]

Thanks xxazurexx

Thats kind of the way I'm thinking .. but the thing thats making me go "hhhhmmmm" is its her doing the "chasing" .. thats what I don't get. If it was me doing the chasing and she was cancelling - fair enough. I don't think its a case of a "better option" thats cropped up with her .. she suggested date 2 late last Saturday night for the Sunday lunchtime .. and cancelled the Sunday morning - so unless she's a quick mover ............. !!

I don't know. I've sent her a message to get some sleep and rest up and such but let her know that I'll leave it with her ...

So I'll see what happens.

The fact that she's doing the chasing, doesn't make a difference I don't think. She's chasing yeah, but actually following through is a different matter.

It's like if some guy was initiating contact with me and talking the talk, but not walking the walk...... I'd write him off and because I'd view him as all TALK and no ACTION.

Maybe she is a 'quickmover'. You met her on a dating site. Don't you think she will have had offers before you and likely had offers after you? Everything moves QUICKLY and in online dating, lol

Just see what happens next, but if she bails again, get outta there and find someone who is worth your time

[Kinetic]

She did state on our first night that I was only the 3rd guy she'd met in 4 months of the online thing and the other 2 were no go's. Ok, she could be playing things down on that score .. I agree .. but taking her on face value its not something she does often. But, again, on face value - we should of had 2 further get togethers since!

I'm done with it anyway .. I've let her know I'll "leave it with her" .. I've got other irons in the fire myself so I'll see what happens there .. If theres no interest from her, I wouldn't expect her to be back in touch .. but, I have a sneaky feeling she will be as gut instinct, on one level, tells me she's being genuine .. she does appear to be burdened by something at the moment which is stressing her out and as her upset (a something that happened in the past thing and she gets reminded of it at this time of year ..) as she was going to tell me about tonight so I "don't inadvertantly put my foot in it in the future" ..

We shall see though .. but as of now, she's on the back burner ..