please, no judgment. in love with married best friend.

[IndiReloaded]

Which part? There are several ideas in my post....

[smackie9]

Which part? There are several ideas in my post....

"TELL her husband she's been cheating w/you." bad idea. This will back fire for sure. This will end kill both relationships.

[Wakeup]

I can't imagine her ever forgiving him for being pretentious enough to think that she would be okay with him forcing himself into her private life. He IS the dirty little secret after all.

[IndiReloaded]

"TELL her husband she's been cheating w/you." bad idea. This will back fire for sure. This will end kill both relationships.

And this is a bad thing, how?

[smackie9]

Her marriage is her business not his. It's up to her to either fix it or end it. Gosh there are kids involved, the cheating is destructive enough, there is no benefit to anyone going in and exposing the affair.

[MynameisJesus]

Which part? There are several ideas in my post....

Prolly this one

TELL her husband she's been cheating w/you. Maybe HE will divorce HER. I hope you are prepared to be a good stepdad

[MynameisJesus]

And this is a bad thing, how?

Why not let her tell it? And give her the option to either chose for you or for him and the kids?

[smackie9]

Ya nobody likes a tattle-tale

[IndiReloaded]

Gosh there are kids involved, the cheating is destructive enough, there is no benefit to anyone going in and exposing the affair.

Interesting. We've had this discussion before but in the context of a friend finding out s/he is having an affair and should she tell the spouse (usually also a friend). Some of the arguments have to do with exposing the unsuspecting spouse to STDs.

I agree about the children, tho. Tough call. Of course, I wonder how the same person can be a good parent yet have an affair. Seems to me a certain amount of inconsistency there.

[smackie9]

Being a spouse and a parent are two different things. You can be bad at one and good with the other. Being a good spouse will not guarantee you to be a good parent and vise versa.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm going to disagree with you, on principle. Sure, its possible to be a good parent and bad spouse/partner, but I think that those who are able to be successful spouses also tend to be more successful parents. There are exceptions to this, as with everything, but I think the personal skills for both have a lot of overlap. Not even mentioning the stress placed on children who experience divorcing parents. And yes, sometimes its better for children when their parents divorce (b/c they can't control themselves enough to get along), but that begs the question of the judgement of the parents who get themselves into that kind of doomed relationship in the first place.

So. As far as this thread goes, I've withheld my serious advice but here goes: I think that the OP should back off from this woman and let her sort out her marriage. I think divorce should be a last option, only in extreme cases of abuse, when there are young children involved. Once the kids are grown up, sure, go get a divorce if that suits. But not until the job (raising decent, responsible children) is done. Once there are innocent children in the mix, responsible parents do NOT live their lives as selfishly as they can when they are the only ones feeling the consequences of their decisions.