Am I gay or straight?

[Mathias]

I think you are gay. DO NOT get into a relationship with a girl knowing this, what right do you have to ruin her life? to stop her meeting a man who really loves her and finds her attractive?

SELFISH

You are way out of bounds here.

[MaidenMinx]

yeah thats one of the reasons she dumped him.. she was honest about a lot of stuff... but then once we broke up she wasnt honest about ANYTHING.. weird.

Unfortunately DH a game that some people play is to be ultra honest about stuff that doesn't really matter to cover up the fact that they are quite the liar.

[kageri]

Straight and gay is not a yes/no situation. It's a range. If a guy likes having sex with females, only wants relationships with females, but does something with a guy once out of experimentation and never again or likes watching gay porn do we then call them gay despite the fact they will never have anything but straight relationships? If an openly gay person likes straight porn are they now straight or bi even though they'd never do anything with a woman? My husband experimented with another guy once and I don't expect him to ever leave me for it. Many women who would never do anything with another woman love watching lesbian porn. It's pretty normal if you ask a group of straight women online. Everyone has different preferences and different levels of things they are willing to do. It's no different than the amount of things you are willing to do in a straight relationship. Some only want sex in one position and some are on to full out BDSM. It's a range for everyone and you can't always clearly call someone one category or another. As you age your preferences also can change a lot. What you'd be willing to do at 17 isn't always what you'll be willing to do at 30 or 50. Experimenting and watching porn you wouldn't actually do is part of growing up. It doesn't need suppressed or therapy. It just needs to be understood where you stand and what you like/don't like so you don't get in to relationships you shouldn't and hurt someone else. A bi person shouldn't be anymore likely to cheat on either gender than someone who's straight. If you get in a straight relationship and realize you want to try a relationship with the same gender you should break it off the same as if you decided to go date another person of the opposite gender. All the same rules apply. No one needs to be hurt at all beyond the typical risk you run with any relationship not working out or ending.

[hello1]

You are way out of bounds here.

How am I? he said in his first post if he found out he really was gay, he still want be with a woman. So I am just telling him that no, he shouldn't do that if he is gay as it is very cruel to the woman.

[freecandy]

How am I? he said in his first post if he found out he really was gay, he still want be with a woman. So I am just telling him that no, he shouldn't do that if he is gay as it is very cruel to the woman.

But you did not state why it would be cruel to the woman.

[MaidenMinx]

But you did not state why it would be cruel to the woman.

Seriously? You have to ask that?

Unless you go into a relationship with a woman saying "I fantasise about having sex with men and may possibly be gay. I cannot guarantee that I will stay with you forever because I may end up having to run with my fantasies." you are going in under deception, and therefore are likely to end up hurting her. :p

[freecandy]

Seriously? You have to ask that?

Unless you go into a relationship with a woman saying "I fantasise about having sex with men and may possibly be gay. I cannot guarantee that I will stay with you forever because I may end up having to run with my fantasies." you are going in under deception, and therefore are likely to end up hurting her. :p

Nobody can guarantee that. Most relationships does end sometime, Most marriages end in divorce. I'm not any more likely to cheat than any other person. And if I'm correct you are bi right? You're not more likely to cheat because of that right?

[MaidenMinx]

You have stated that you are currently not sexually attracted to women, but don't want a relationship with a man. If you start a relationship with a women with out being honest and upfront about your lack of sexual orientation you are being deceptive and in that case are more likely to cheat.

As a matter of simplicity I use the term bi, but as it takes a remarkably amazing woman to turn my head I identify more as a heterosexual. My husband knows that before him I had been with a woman and he actually knew before we got together. He also knows that I don't look at women any more. Occasionally I will have a wow moment where a woman is concerned but when you are in a monogamous relationship you don't entertain any thoughts of sleeping with anyone else.

And you are right, no body can guarantee that, but at this point in time you cannot guarantee that you won't let yourself get carried away with confusing thoughts. Right now you are in no state to be in a relationship with anyone. That is why I was shocked you couldn't see that you are potentially a bundle of heartache to any woman at this point in time. You need time to sort yourself out before you look at a relationship with either gender.

[freecandy]

You have stated that you are currently not sexually attracted to women, but don't want a relationship with a man. If you start a relationship with a women with out being honest and upfront about your lack of sexual orientation you are being deceptive and in that case are more likely to cheat.

As a matter of simplicity I use the term bi, but as it takes a remarkably amazing woman to turn my head I identify more as a heterosexual. My husband knows that before him I had been with a woman and he actually knew before we got together. He also knows that I don't look at women any more. Occasionally I will have a wow moment where a woman is concerned but when you are in a monogamous relationship you don't entertain any thoughts of sleeping with anyone else.

And you are right, no body can guarantee that, but at this point in time you cannot guarantee that you won't let yourself get carried away with confusing thoughts. Right now you are in no state to be in a relationship with anyone. That is why I was shocked you couldn't see that you are potentially a bundle of heartache to any woman at this point in time. You need time to sort yourself out before you look at a relationship with either gender.

I'm not looking at a relationship right now... I'm not even 18 yet. I am thinking like 10 years from now on, but hopefully by then I will have forgotten all about this and be straight... but even if I did turn out gay. Yep, I'd still choose a relationship with a woman. There are I think ways to lower ones sex drive, I'd just lower it as much as possible so I wouldn't think about sex at all... nevermind with men. So how could I then possibly want to cheat if I was in a relationship?

[MaidenMinx]

Shutting down ones sex drive is not an easy thing to achieve. It can be done but it's not a natural state to live in.

There are very few women on the planet that will want to sign up for a long term relationship with little to no sex. This is the bit that is concerning to people, that you can even think about signing up for a lifetime with a woman with no sexual desire for her.

You are a seriously confused boy and I hope, really really hope, that you have your head sorted in the next decade or so. People in their 30's 40's 50's etc etc still like sex you know. Do not get into a relationship with a woman without being able to think you can give that to her.