Just Friends is Not Enough - Need Female's Thoughts

[IndiReloaded]

Ugh. You don't take any responsibility for your decisions. Or, in your case, your lack of making decisions. And then you blame the outcome on someone else?

Good luck w/things. You sound like a real catch.

[muddblood]

Ugh. You don't take any responsibility for your decisions. Or, in your case, your lack of making decisions. And then you blame the outcome on someone else?

Good luck w/things. You sound like a real catch.

Indi, I take FULL responsibility for this, I really do. But my own emotions back then blinded me. I loved my high school sweetheart do death - time physically stopped the first time I saw her. And everyone says you'll know your soul mate when you find them, so yeah, back then, I though for sure she was my soul mate - still do. So when she left me, I figured I lost the love of my life and I'd never find that kind of love again. So 2 years later, I met my wife because my friend went over and told her that I thought she kinda cute and we became friends for a year then dated for 5 years. I figure getting married to someone in which I get along with is better than being alone. Plus, why throw away a 5 year relationship? It really wasn't untill we had my daugther that I knew for sure it wouldn't workout, and even more so with my son. We have VERY differnet views on how to raise the kids, and well everything else. I NEVER make quick decisions, I always analyze decision making before acting and research the crap out of things.

There was a time about 4-5 years ago where I got super depressed and my wife was ready to leave because of it. But then, she HAD someone to go to. Now, the tables have turned - SHE is super depressed and I want to leave (not because she is depressed, but for many, many reasons). Her depression has lasted, geez it seems forever. Only difference is I do not have anyone to go to, but I cannot morally "look" for someone while I am married (even though it seems like I am). I am not a bad person and I will GLADLY speak to anyone personally that wants to challenge that.

Love the smiley cuz that is how I feel.

[IndiReloaded]

Plus, why throw away a 5 year relationship? It really wasn't untill we had my daugther that I knew for sure it wouldn't workout, and even more so with my son. We have VERY differnet views on how to raise the kids, and well everything else. I NEVER make quick decisions, I always analyze decision making before acting and research the crap out of things.

You are full of contradictions. You claim to make informed decisions, yet you were in a 5 year relationship and never learned your partner's views on parenting? Then, when you were concerned after your 1st child you went ahead and had a 2nd?

I think your decision making ability isn't just slow, its poor. You also obviously have communication problems. Rather than hoping someone else is the solution to your problems, why don't you go see a counsellor who can help you with your communication? It will also help you with your children (who I feel sorry for).

[muddblood]

You are full of contradictions. You claim to make informed decisions, yet you were in a 5 year relationship and never learned your partner's views on parenting? Then, when you were concerned after your 1st child you went ahead and had a 2nd?

I think your decision making ability isn't just slow, its poor. You also obviously have communication problems. Rather than hoping someone else is the solution to your problems, why don't you go see a counsellor who can help you with your communication? It will also help you with your children (who I feel sorry for).

Indi - I' love to have a personal conversation with you outside of this forum and I will try to answer all your questions. I want this thread to stay focused on the question - which doesn't even matter (to me) anymore.

[muddblood]

She might be trying to keep you on your toes, so you keep chasing her.

Sorry, just saw this post. Nope, she is definitely NOT playing hard to get. I am now making her uncomfortable and since all I want to do is make her happy, I've advised her to simply ignore me and push me away since I obviously can't ignore her or push her away.

[EvanTelles]

Ok. Go to youtube. and type in the song name : I'll Be Waiting by Lenny Kravitz. If you like it, show her the link to the video.

Hope this has some kind of impact.

[muddblood]

Ok. Go to youtube. and type in the song name : I'll Be Waiting by Lenny Kravitz. If you like it, show her the link to the video.

Hope this has some kind of impact.

Maybe later. I need to lay off and give her space right now or I'll lose her forever. Thanks for the thought though.

[IndiReloaded]

Indi - I' love to have a personal conversation with you outside of this forum and I will try to answer all your questions. I want this thread to stay focused on the question - which doesn't even matter (to me) anymore.

No, I don't think so. If this anonymous forum isn't enough for you then shrug. Its your problem not mine. Don't overestimate my interest (or lack of) in your issue.

[muddblood]

No, I don't think so. If this anonymous forum isn't enough for you then shrug. Its your problem not mine. Don't overestimate my interest (or lack of) in your issue.

okie dokie.

[muddblood]

No, you know what Indi? It's not OK! It is complete BS! That is the EXACT sh*t I am talking about when women say one thing but mean the exact opposite. You say you have little to no interest in my issue, yet you read through this thread and responded and read through the other threads I started on the same issue and responded to them as well. If there were truly no interest at all in my issue, you would not have read the threads or responded to them. Now I can't say for sure if you are a woman because your profile is completely blank, but I assume you are a woman. Even if you are a man, there is still some interest yet you claim there is little or none.

I may be wrong, but I think we ALL browse the forums and look for a catchy title or something that pertains to our own individual situations or a topic in which we have experience in, read through it and if it sparks an interest, we reply, and if the thread doesn't interest us, we don't reply and move on to anther thread. The threads that have a poor title or a title that does not interest us, we pass over and look for other threads that interest us. Not even just on this forum, but all forums. Why even bother replying if there is no interest? Why does this girl at work want to keep me in her life if there are no feelings? Why can't women just be honest with themselves and honest with the people they talk to? Why all the friggin head games? Women are supposed to be the ones in touch with their feelings and emotions, not guys - guys have no feelings.

[Mathias]

No, you know what Indi? It's not OK! It is complete BS! That is the EXACT sh*t I am talking about when women say one thing but mean the exact opposite. You say you have little to no interest in my issue, yet you read through this thread and responded and read through the other threads I started on the same issue and responded to them as well. If there were truly no interest at all in my issue, you would not have read the threads or responded to them. Now I can't say for sure if you are a woman because your profile is completely blank, but I assume you are a woman. Even if you are a man, there is still some interest yet you claim there is little or none.

I may be wrong, but I think we ALL browse the forums and look for a catchy title or something that pertains to our own individual situations or a topic in which we have experience in, read through it and if it sparks an interest, we reply, and if the thread doesn't interest us, we don't reply and move on to anther thread. The threads that have a poor title or a title that does not interest us, we pass over and look for other threads that interest us. Not even just on this forum, but all forums. Why even bother replying if there is no interest? Why does this girl at work want to keep me in her life if there are no feelings? Why can't women just be honest with themselves and honest with the people they talk to? Why all the friggin head games? Women are supposed to be the ones in touch with their feelings and emotions, not guys - guys have no feelings.

Oh, man.

Alright, here's a nickel's worth of free advice:

1. Indi read your posts. I would've responded the same way. And yes, I'm a dude.
2. You haven't read these threads for years and seen the same themes over and over. We have.
3. Your situation isn't unique. The girl at work wants to keep you in her life because people (not just girls) like attention. You're providing that, and she doesn't even have to give anything in return! Pretty sweet deal, huh?

Does that help? If not, do a couple of searches in this forum, find people in the same situation (they're all over the place), and read the same advice. It's always turned out to be true.

This is how the world works. You have two options: You can accept it, move on, and be happy, or you can follow your delusions and get crushed.

Believe it or not, we're actually trying to help. Coming in here and insulting us for trying just because it's not what you want to hear is ridiculous.

[MerryH]

No, you know what Indi? It's not OK! It is complete BS! That is the EXACT sh*t I am talking about when women say one thing but mean the exact opposite.

So because Indi posted in your threads, you think that means she should give you her personal contact info? And because the girl at work who has clearly rejected you is still being (overly) friendly, that means she should have a relationship with you? Your sense of entitlement is alarming. Nobody owes you shit.

[IndiReloaded]

You have a problem with boundaries. I'm done with this thread but here is some information you need:

[url=http://designandliveyourlife.blogs.com/design_and_live_your_life/2006/10/managing_person.html]Design and Live Your Life: Managing Personal Boundaries, Part Two: Respect Others[/url]

[muddblood]

Thanks for all the advise (really) - it makes my decision to end my "friendship" with this girl easier to accept. I had a feeling along that she only wanted my attention - even asked her, but of course she said no. But, like you've all said, I am tired of being hurt so I ended it today and she said ok. Can't really move on till my wife is out of the picture, but that fine. I hope SHE can respect MY boundry and only contact me for work related issues.

And no, I did not want Indi's personal contact info - just a private conversation on this forum where I could try and explain my decision making. Did not mean to insult her or anyone.

Boundries? I don't think I have a problem with boundries - she and I established some early on because I made her and I stuck to them. Who knows, maybe I do have problems with boundries and I f I do, I need to know so I can try and resolve them.

I know my problem is not specific to me and there are plenty of other people in the sam situation. Happens all the time - someone falling in love with someone else while in a relationship. Shoot, my wife did it to me 5+ years ago. And no, I did not do this for revenge. It's damn near impossible to tell you everything that I have done or not done or felt not felt in the past 15+ years, or even in the past year.

For what it's worth, I need to have the same crap beat into my head to finally accept it, and you guys did just that. I'd say I find it harder than most to let go. Not what I want to hear? I want to hear the truth- regardless of how hard it is to accept. I'd LOVE to hear this girl say I just like the attention you give me. THAT'D be so friggin awesome!!!! But no one in their right mind would say that. That's why I came here.

So to recap - women ALWAYS say what they mean and mean what they say and when they say "I want to remain just friends" - they mean it. (LOL, trying to be funny and lighten the mood).

[muddblood]

You have a problem with boundaries. I'm done with this thread but here is some information you need:

[url=http://designandliveyourlife.blogs.com/design_and_live_your_life/2006/10/managing_person.html]Design and Live Your Life: Managing Personal Boundaries, Part Two: Respect Others[/url]

I will have to look at this when I get home - Sorry, not a jobless teenage zombie, just have time here and there at work to check things and respond - Can't really focus on reading.