Should I continue the distance or pursue someone new?

[xah]

I've been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he's my first boyfriend. We've had a fruitful 3 years but he had to go and live overseas last year. We decided not to break up and go the distance. We contact each other a lot but I haven't seen him since he left. His future visits will also be rare. We're both still studying so it definitely is difficult. If I get to study where he is next year as well, all will be well but I think that is unlikely due to the circumstances that I am in right now. If this doesn't happen, I'd have to wait for quite a number of years until we can be together again. I really love him as he's also my best friend and has always been there for me but sometimes the distance just kills me.

During the time that we've been apart, I've met someone at my part time job and we've had an obvious attraction to each other. At first, I just wanted to be friends with him as I was still in a relationship but found this like for this new guy to grow. I've tried everything; distancing myself and simply pretending I have no feelings for him but they won't go away. What's also not helping is that he has a frustrating character where he really confuses me and sometimes I can't tell if he really does like being around me or if he really doesn't want to bother with me. If only I could tell if he really doesn't like me, I can easily get rid of these feelings for him.

My boyfriend and I have also attempted an open relationship, however, it isn't working as my boyfriend doesn't really want to do it.

What I really want is a partner who is physically there because I find myself falling to pieces during this long distance relationship. I realise just how much physical affection and in-person communication I need within a relationship. Plus, I also would like to experience being with other people. But I don't want to break up with him because I'm scared of losing his friendship and security with him and that I will regret it. Should I just suck it up, attempt to forget the person I've had feelings for and not pursue my curiousity with other people or should I think about moving on?

[Marioneta]

What I really want is a partner who is physically there because I find myself falling to pieces during this long distance relationship. I realise just how much physical affection and in-person communication I need within a relationship. Plus, I also would like to experience being with other people. But I don't want to break up with him because I'm scared of losing his friendship and security with him and that I will regret it.

You've answered your question. What do you want?

What I really want is a partner who is physically there because I find myself falling to pieces during this long distance relationship. I realise just how much physical affection and in-person communication I need within a relationship. Plus, I also would like to experience being with other people.

Why don't you pursue what you want?

But I don't want to break up with him because I'm scared of losing his friendship and security with him and that I will regret it.

It's up to you to decide whether the risk is worth it and if you can handle it. And it's up to you ro decide whether you can handle being in a relationship while wanting something else. Noone can tell you what is best for you and what would make YOU feel better. But what we can tell you is that it's not fair to your boyfriend to be in a relationship with a woman that wants to exprience other men but don't take the step just because they are scared that they will regret it. The right reason would if you'd say that you don't want to do it because you love him, cause then that would show that the feelings you have for him overrule what could be exciting and fun and risky. But, you say clearly that you're scared whether you regret it and lose the security. I don't think your boyfriend would become glad if he'd find out how you feel and that you don't tell him. So, best thing to do is have a chat with him, be open and honest if you really love him and if you really care about you and your relationship, because believe me, most of the cases, there is no turning back when one of the partners get these funny and exciting idea of other people. It only gets worse. Especially in long distance relationships. Good luck