Am I just an option? GUYS, please help!

[wanderlust]

I'll try to be short, even though I think details are important.

I first met Sam briefly when I was going out with one of his good friends, John (his current room mate) last year. I had just gotten out of a long relationship, and I was having fun with John, but we were never really dating. Sam had added me on Facebook randomly to mess with John (apparently). We only ever made out, and the fling soon fizzled out. Now John and I have a completely platonic, but close relationship.

Skip to April of this year and I got a ride with Sam, John, and another friend of ours to a concert 3 hours away from our college. I was immediately attracted to Sam, and I could just tell that he thought I was cute. He kept looking back at me in the mirror to see my response to various things, kept cracking jokes about the other guys, etc. You catch my drift.

I didn't see those guys at the concert, and Sam made a big deal about me being MIA on our way back to school. As soon as we each got home, we began Facebook messaging/texting a lot, and he kept asking about when our next road trip was going to be and when we were all going out again. It was a bit frustrating because he always would say "we should all do" whatever..never asking me on a date. It took him a while for us to even exchange numbers.

The first time we met up downtown, he was really drunk. Funny and still fun to be around, but drunk. We did talk and dance, but nothing substantial. He complimented me on my dancing and teased me about John for the first time. The next time we met up, he wasn't intoxicated at all, and we had our usual witty banter. He mentioned that John liked my ex bf (revealing to me that they had talked about me). He drove me home, but we just talked in his car for a while. It never seemed like the appropriate time for a kiss, and he never tried.

I know I probably shouldn't have, but I did talk to John about him. He said that of course they had talked about me, and that Sam had asked what my story was, etc. He said that Sam was interested in me, but that he's "really lazy" with girls.. that he'd usually rather sleep than make an effort. Not sure what's up with that. He said Sam is notorious for being bad about communication with everyone.
John also said that Sam has never seemed bothered by our old fling.. but I'm still unsure because he'll bring it up (in a teasing way) fairly often (even referring to John as my ex boyfriend once).

Another big issue throughout all of this: Sam knew I wasn't staying in town for the summer. I am 5 hours away for the whole summer doing an internship. When we first started talking, he was really adamant about getting a group to come visit me and pick me up on the way to his hometown. He stopped mentioning that as time went on, though.

The last time we met up, he was supposed to come over afterwards with John and a girlfriend of mine, but the situation got difficult & John needed to go home. Sam texted me that he was bummed we didn't get to hang out and said, "it sucks that it's the end of the semester and you won't be here this summer."

He had mentioned wanting me to visit for his 21st birthday, but he shares a birthday with my brother, so I didn't go. Since summer has started, he has been extra horrible with communication. Whenever he became less responsive, I just decided to not contact him first. He has initiated conversation on Facebook twice recently.. once about visiting the city I'm in & the other time about my internship. Each time he'll ask me questions for a few minutes and then just stop talking out of nowhere. So irritating. It seems like he has a decent amount of female friends who write on his wall..telling him to visit.

I don't know if he's just trying to keep me around, or if he's actually interested in me. It's odd that Sam is even like this, considering he used to talk about how girls "play mind games," and guys never do. Yeah, right...

THOUGHTS??

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He knows he can't see you for the summer but doesn't want to lose contact completely. I don't think it's a mind game at all. I have short FB conversations with people while I'm at work all the time. It's just something I do in between actually doing work. FB chat is nothing. Chill the **** out.

He knows you're probably out with guys having fun for the summer, and he's doing the same, so no reason to get all serious when you can't see each other. Just have fun for the summer and talk to him more when you get back. Or just tell him you like him. You seem to be the one playing mind games.

[searock]

Next time you're in town together, unless one of you is taken *you* should ask him out on a date, if you're still interested.

[celestina]

I'll try to be short, even though I think details are important.

No, they weren't that important. You think too much, all girls do; when we have a guy in mind, no one else exists, and we think of a million ways to be with them. But guys don't work that way, at least not "lazy" guys like this Sam.

I don't know if he's just trying to keep me around, or if he's actually interested in me. It's odd that Sam is even like this, considering he used to talk about how girls "play mind games," and guys never do. Yeah, right...

THOUGHTS??

Guys don't play mind games. Some of them are just naturally aloof. These guys just live their life the simplest way possible and don't want to waste too much time and effort on a girl. They also have a lot of other things to think about, and a relationship (either casual or serious) is not their priority, but rather just something nice to have. So while you are having a million thoughts about him, he is having only a few about you, and the next second he might be having thoughts about another girl he knows. Obviously though, he is somewhat into you; he's just not the sentimental type and will never go out of his way for a girl he barely knows, nor will he be direct in his approach. And yes, it does sound like he is the type of guy with a lot of options, so why would he settle and invest himself in only one girl for now? And this is something that lowers your chances -- girls are all over this type of "cool" guy... If you really want him, you could either : 1) go straight to the point and let him know you want to date (which I wouldn't recommend... although some guys nowadays do appreciate it when a girl dares to make the first step, especially if he is "lazy"... I wouldn't know how this guy would take it); or 2) be patient and learn to get to know each other and become friends and see if it could lead somewhere. Besides, I bet that's exactly what he is doing right now. Except you're disadvantaged now because you seem to be wayyyy too much into him ALREADY.

Another factor you should take in consideration as to why he is not making the moves, is the distance; guys hate complications, and just want what's simplest.

[celestina]

All I'm saying is, don't put all your eggs in the same basket; while you're trying to figure out whether or not things could work out between you and this guy, don't forget to look around also; the right guy could be right around the corner, and by right, I mean someone who is genuinely interested in you AND who has time for you.

[wanderlust]

Thanks to all of you for your replies..really.

I think I just need a reality check whenever I get into these girly, over-thinking funks. I guess it's better to get it out anon. on the web instead of scaring guys off, huh? haha

I hardly ever feel a strong connection with someone, so I really just don't want to mess this up. I think it's just throwing me off that the timing has been so bad. Ooooh well.

[searock]

Some guys do play games! This guy doesn't seem the type to play games though. He just seems lazy, and like he isn't that much into you. Not that he isn't interested in you, just that he isn't exclusively into you. You need to make the first move if you want to go out with him when you get back in the same town. My advice is to casually keep in touch with him during the summer while you meet other interesting guys, and if you are still interested by the time you go back to his town, ask him out on a date.

[wanderlust]

One more thing, y'all...

Should I continue to not talk to him unless he contacts me first, or is that over-thinking things? I hate playing the game, but apparently it's around for a reason. ha