My Boyfriend is Oblivious

[MilleniumFalcon]

I think the positive thing is, the guy doesn't seem like a complete asshat. The fact that he did try to 'make up' for his ills the night before atleast shows that he is somewhat receptive and somewhat committed to you and the relationship. However I do understand your point, and I sympathize (I'm a very sensitive person, I take most things to heart).

I think his behavior could be manifesting for a few reasons. First off, is he actually under stress in other elements of his life? Is work/study difficult? Is he having issues with anything? You might not know the answer because he simply might not have told you about what could be going on - the fact that he said he was "stressed" and wasn't into your plan because he wasn't in a "good mood" could demonstrate that his actions are due to an external force, not you and not an element of his personality. Perhaps sit him down casually, even just bring it up in conversation and say "hey, is there anything you need to get off your chest? You said you were stressed the other night?" He might feel like he can't express those opinions to you openly, he might be feeling trapped.

Secondly, you say you've been dating for about a year. Perhaps you see the relationship at a different point to him - perhaps you are taking this length of time as a sign that you are both very serious and hugely committed to each other, where as a year in his eyes could be a 'this is going well, lets see how it keeps going, shes lovely' type of thing. Relationships are give and take, and although you may be expecting him to be enthusiastic about everything you want to do and want to plan, he might still be at the stage where he's not going to drop everything for you. Maybe you are simply expecting too much of him at times, and although you may see his reaction as a sign of indifference towards your emotions, he may simply just be tired or stressed and not understand why you can't understand that.

Thirdly, it could be an aspect of personality, which unfortunately is not something you can change. Perhaps he really is just a bit oblivious, a bit too immature for a long term relationship, or not that great.

I think you should give it a bit of time, and try to communicate in a casual setting. If you get too heated or emotional he will feel overwhelmed and won't take in what you are saying. Ask him if he has anything he's upset about, stressed about etc, and if he says no then explain how this incident made you feel without going into theatrics.

[IndiReloaded]

When I don't give a **** about what a girl is feeling (usually when she's bitching at me over something miniscule), I respond with, "I'm sorry you feel that way".

You're not going to get him to understand, because he really just doesn't care.

This^. Now the only thing left is to figure out if he cares enough to improve things. If he doesn't, then you need to breakup. Sorry.

[MacBridie]

There are a lot more effective ways to let him know that you’re bothered by, what you perceive as, his attitude/reaction. It usually boils down to simply talking about it. Once you’ve done that, the you can both work out a solution together.

There are things that will piss a guy off...you just have to uncover what triggers them...like emotional outbursts for insignificant reasons. It all comes down to mutual understanding and compatibility. You have to learn what destructive ingredients can destroy a relationship...and then eliminate them. And then learn what constructive ingredients make for a great relationship...and then add them.

You're both young...you'll learn.

[IndiReloaded]

I expressed that to him and ended up crying and just telling him I was sorry for even arguing and getting upset. I guess I was expecting him to say something comforting but the only thing he said was, "I'm sorry to hear that." ..Nothing more, nothing less. It really bothers me sometimes how emotionless he is and comes off.

I disagree with those posters who think he's going to improve. He's not likely to. She will most likely end up making concessions to his emotional indifference if she stays with him. I seem to be agreeing with Stung quite a bit recently, but I think he called this one clear: this guy really doesn't care what she thinks or feels.

OP - go ahead, ask him for what you want. Try not to be so emotional when you do. It will be a learning experience for you. If he gives it to you, all is good. But be open to the possibility that even if you do ask calmly and clearly for comfort he may still not give it to you. Or give it only grudgingly. This is a big Red Flag, if so.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

The problem I see is that you both don't know how to communicate with each other properly. I think if you both just sat down and calmly discuss what each of your exceptions are, maybe you two can have some kind of compromise. If the expectations are not being met then you two shouldn't be together at all.

[lylufy]

There can be 2 side:
1. you are too sensitive
2. he is too emotionless or he doesn't love you as he say.
So, to deal with it, let try from you first, it seem to be easily.
Try to control your emotion, find the reason to protect you ever you feel angry with him.
Try to less much your demand about him. Just do whatever you want yourself.
If you do it but does not get his care as before, so you can sum up he does not love you.
That time, split up him !

Hope this can help !