The relationship Loop: Staying and Leaving

[Bailey89]

I know this is the marriage forum, but I may as well be married. I have been engaged for 5 1/2 years to Jeff. We've been together 6 years and have a daughter who will be two this December. Ah where to start that is relevant to this question... For the first half of our relationship we were inseperable. We have shared many, many firsts and are compatible on many levels. For the past 3 years we have been living in a remolded garage on his parents property. His parents have many mental issues such as schizophrenia, PTSD, anxiety, and Bi polarism. They are alcoholics and drug addicts and very selfish, only concerned about what benefits them. I have been in college two years now and working part time, while jeff has stayed at home. My inlaws have become increasingly difficult this last year including locking their doors at 9pm so we cant use the bathroom or cook food. They have also started denying me rides to school, and electricity. Jeff just says to deal with everything, and has not tried to find a job to make the situation better. He has held about 3 different jobs for a period of 6 months in the entire time we've been dating. Before our daughter was born we had 3 apartments together in which I have worked overtime in order to pay the bills for. We are both malnutritioned from not being able to afford food, and he will not look for a job. Over the past 2 years since our daughter was born, my priorities have changed. Instead of babying him, I i take care of our child and do not coddle him. We have been arguing almost nonstop. He would not do anything to make our lives easier. If the baby didnt have milk, diapersd, if we didnt have food or cigarettes, then it was oh well deal with it ( or borrow money from my parents). He wouldnt give plasma, or go do temp wok. Over this past summer i have left him twice now and come to stay at my parents house who love my child but hate him. As of right now, this time i left he got a temp construction job which even though he has only worked one day he is complaining. I dont feel like I want to be with him at all. This last time I left because he gt drubnk and acted like a 5 year old, spoke like one, and kept screaming and waking our daughter up even when I told him to stop because she was asleep. He doesnt do anything volutarily or otherwise for our family. But every time i leave, i am overwhelmed by these feelings of how noone will ever love me the way he does, or understand me the way he does, and how we have done so much together and experienced so many things how can i just leave this behind? He begs me to give him another chance because of how much he loves me and i find it so hard to be without him i cant handle it. But it doesnt take long, like where im at now 3 weeks later, where we start arguing again over the internet because we cant get along at all. I just find it so hard, ive tried 3 times to break up with him but between him begging me to stay with him to my memories and feelings of not being able to be away from him it never lasts and i dont know what to do. I really feel like we shouldnt be together, were only 23 and i want to be out enjoying life adn moreso focusing on school and not our petty arguments, but i cant because of the things he says, the things wevce been through, and I really love him. I just am not in love with him. he is very unstable, and will get arrested or get strung out or kill himself without me. I know that isnt my responsibility because he is an adult but still...if it happened i dont know what i'd do. Im just ao lost and do not know what to do or how to get out of the loop.....

[Boisdevie]

If for one second you consider staying with this loony then you need serious therapy.

[Wakeup]

For christ sakes get out for your child's sake. You are raising her in dysfunctional hell and she will have the same codependent issues that you yourself are burdened with. Please, this minute, go to social services in your area and ask them for the help you need from the many professionals you should be utilizing so that you find the means to leave with your daughter.

Why would you have a child with him when you couldn't afford one and he is in no position mentally or emotionally to have another mouth to feed? Water under the bridge now but do, do your utmost to take your little girl away from this situation. Perhaps you could escape to your own parents house for the sake of your kid's mental/emotional well being and stop worrying about your history with a douche who is unable to function.

[babypink]

Believe me it will be so much better for all involved if you leave him. I bet once you REALLY have left for a while he will sort himself out more and realise his sad situation.

He is a waste of space, a looser and your relationship won't change. I totally understand what you mean about the memories, what you've been through, throwing it away and the strength to leave. I'm going through something now with my husband, who for totally different reasons, i want to leave and its so hard. At least you have the option to go stay with your family. Do it. As soon as you start dating again you will get your strength back I reckon.

Wakeup I think your comment is unfair about why she had a child with him when they couldn't afford it. Situations aren't black and white, life happens, things that we didn't foresee. We all make mistakes and wrong decisions sometimes. I also think the daughter has a great mother and loving grandparents so will come out fine. But yes I agree it's best to leave now.