Hi everyone,
I am a 19 year old guy, and went to high school with a guy who is currently 18. We were very close during those years, and often joked (along with a couple other male friends) that we were gay. As fate would have it, I have feelings for him. He's the only guy I've ever had feelings for... I'll just make a list of my involvement with him:
* Hold hands a ton (whether in movies, at parties, etc)
* We used to lay between each others' legs during class
* Feel each others' bodies a ton (massages, back rubs, head scratching, even fake kissing)
* Extensive phone conversations (2+ hours, listening to him play piano, falling asleep on the line)
* Toss around things like "I love you." - got a random text from him one evening this summer that read nothing besides "I like you." and that's all he texted me that day. didn't reply after that.
* Went out to breakfast, he paid for my food. I've bought him movie and event tickets. He's paid for our things too.
* Every now and then he looks at me and his eyes seem to be screaming, almost in pain.
* One night on a late bus ride home, he fell asleep with my arms wrapped around him.
* He wants me to transfer to his school.
But he also goes on for hours about girls he finds attractive, how 'women are his weakness,' which ones he would like to bang, etc. His advances are few and far between, but he never rejects mine. It has been going on for years, and a lot of it continues even though we are now hours apart.
There is so much more I could write, but it hurts. I want to find out for sure what the extent of our relationship is.
Thank you all in advance for your help - it is difficult to deal with these thoughts.