Want to make the next move, but mixed signals!

[monochromedream]

Hi all, thanks in advance for reading this and for any opinions you might share.

I've been in relationships in the past, and it's very hard for me to fall for any girl. I kind of got a bit cold and uninterested 5 (I am 26) years ago when my last relationship ended up badly, so I wanted to be single for a while. And so I was. And it was fun and I did a lot of things I've always wanted to do. Surprisingly, during the beginning of this year I started to get sick of being single (literally sick, I missed someone to share my day with, to cuddle with while watching a movie, etc, you know).

And when I was getting real sick and tired of my current single situation, and not meeting anyone who I'd click with, I start talking to this girl through a forum, not knowing we actually lived in the same area around a month / two ago, and out of nowhere she invited me for dinner. I took all precautions (you know, public place, etc) and we had an amazing evening together. I felt we clicked, and it was the strongest connection I ever made with anyone in a couple of hours. My interest was peaked.

So we went out several times, and my affection for her just keeps growing and growing, and she's everything I've ever looked for in a woman (I'm not saying she's perfect - no one is - just stating this before someone comes saying I'm obsessed or something, it's not the case). And we're going out again next week, for a whole night (concert, dancing, etc), which was actually her idea, and I wanted to build up to that night you know? Start with small gestures on the dates before the big date and during that night, when the moment would feel appropriate I'd try to show her what she meant to me and see where this would go. Problem is, I'm getting some very weird signals from her. When we're together she blatantly shows me she likes me and is interested in me, she accidentally told me she talks about me to her friends (something like "I told my friend I couldn't go out with her because I was going out with my brother, because if I told her I was going out with "that guy I met" she would be mad" - she then realized what she said and blushed a little) and also clears up some of her very busy schedule to be with me. We flirty-touch each other a lot, and I am always a gentleman with her, treat her like a princess, she always tries to be close to me and she's always very interested in what I have to say and asks me a lot of questions and opinions. When I pick her up she shares with me how her day was and asks me how mine was (I feel this is more of a girlfriend-boyfriend conversation, which makes me believe even more that she likes me). I've told her I love being and talking with her, and she replied with the same feelings towards me. And the weird signals? She sometimes cancels on me an hour or two before we go out (she does tell me why, very descriptively, but sometimes she just won't get into much detail and her texts actually feel a bit weird at me - I can't really explain, but I shrug it down because I know she's been under a lot of stress with work), she won't sometimes reply to me, or won't answer the phone and stuff like that.

So I have a problem. I overthink/overanalyze stuff. And you can see where my mind wanders to after these things happen, and it demotivates me, even though I try not to let it bring me down. Some of my friends met her, and have been with us on several occasions and say it's obvious that she likes me too (I tend to believe it's easier to see from the "outside"), so this week we were going out for 2 dates, and I was going to start building up to our big "whole-night date" next week but she cancelled on me (this week, not the big date) and told me she was sorry and that she had some problems. I asked her if everything was alright and she said it wasn't but I shouldn't worry and that it was normal (some type of chronic disease, she did not tell me what it was, and I did not force her to of course). Obviously I worried. This was 4 days ago. Next day I sent her a text asking how she was feeling, got no reply. Tried to call her next day, still nothing. She's been online on myspace today and still hasn't replied to my myspace message (we still use myspace lol).

I honestly don't know what to do or what's going on. I won't try to call her or send her more messages because I don't want her to feel pressured or annoy her. I know she read my message and she has to have seen my two missed calls. It's just a weird situation, which came out of nowhere and I'm really worried about her. I've thought she could be trying to back away from me for some reason, but nothing really happened to make this a believable option and my friends agree.

I'm also afraid that I might be taking too long to make a move and she might think I'm not interested (even if I make it obvious with certain things I do and say to her that are not "just friend" stuff) and trying to move on. Which is annoying because the night she cancelled on me was when I was going to start my move.

I really, REALLY like her (I'd go as far as saying I am falling hard for her), I am a weird person in terms of tastes and ideologies and we fit together like a glove, never met someone like her, not even CLOSE, and when I'm with her I feel happy. I've actually NEVER felt so happy in my life. For the first moment I layed my eyes on her and we started talking, I felt like I knew her for years, I felt at home with her. It's weird to explain. I'm not really a nervous person when it comes to relationships, but she makes me nervous because I'm afraid to ruin everything with her if I make a single bad move (again, overthinking, I know) and that's the main reason why I haven't done anything too big yet. I told myself it wouldn't go past the big date night, that night she'll know all my intentions and I want to know where this is going, because if she doesn't share the same feelings as me, I need to start moving on ASAP, or I am in for a world of hurt where I've been to before and don't want to be again anytime soon.

Anyone else been in a situation like this? I don't really know what to make of it.

Sorry for the long text, it's one of my problems, I tend to write a lot lol. Cheers.

[michelle23]

Are you sure shes not seeing other people? Keeping her options open?

[Wakeup]

I'd try and slow down my run-away-train-brain if I were you. You'll find out whats on her mind if she cancels the "big date" with you or doesn't reply to your three attempts at getting her to respond to you.

If you do get to go on this "big date" with her then what ever you do, don't be talking about your feelings for her until you're sure she's not fading on you... if you do (and she is fading) you confessing will just make her run for good. (don't put pressure on her)

If you've been on several dates and you've not done anything physical at all (not even kiss or make out some) then you may have placed yourself on the friends ladder. (just guessing) Anyway, no talking about feeelings on the big date.. just go in for a kiss (or more if she's open and receptive) and leave any confessions for now. Don't put her on the spot by asking her if she's feeling the same for you as you are for her.

[monochromedream]

Are you sure shes not seeing other people? Keeping her options open?

I can't say I'm absolutely 100% sure, but she never mentioned this. I doubt it though.

I'd try and slow down my run-away-train-brain if I were you. You'll find out whats on her mind if she cancels the "big date" with you or doesn't reply to your three attempts at getting her to respond to you.

If you do get to go on this "big date" with her then what ever you do, don't be talking about your feelings for her until you're sure she's not fading on you... if you do (and she is fading) you confessing will just make her run for good. (don't put pressure on her)

If you've been on several dates and you've not done anything physical at all (not even kiss or make out some) then you may have placed yourself on the friends ladder. (just guessing) Anyway, no talking about feeelings on the big date.. just go in for a kiss (or more if she's open and receptive) and leave any confessions for now. Don't put her on the spot by asking her if she's feeling the same for you as you are for her.

Thanks for the advice, I've done the "feelings talk" before, and I know it can be awkward for the other person. What I meant with prepping up for the big date, I meant like maybe hold her hand for a while, or give her compliments or cuddle her cheek, something like that. On the big date, I'll try to go in for the kiss, and see how she reacts.

Anyway, she replied to me around 10 minutes ago, told me she had an awful day yesterday (no details though), was very stressed and saying she was sorry but she had to go out and forgot her phone and she saw my message very quickly before having to turn off the computer.

PS: What do you mean with "run-away-train-brain"? I never heard that expression before

[Wakeup]

"run-away-train-brain" Don't over-think everything. Just enjoy what you have and try not to worry until there is solid reasons why you should.

[monochromedream]

"run-away-train-brain" Don't over-think everything. Just enjoy what you have and try not to worry until there is solid reasons why you should.

Ah, cool thanks. I try my best, but sometimes it's stronger than me.

EDIT: Also, we've been on around 5 dates, but we can't usually spend too much time together, (2 hours max). And I don't think I've put myself in the "friends ladder" because when we go out I make certain that I am as gentlemanly and romantic as humanly possible without going overboard. What I do with her isn't something friends would do, and she's met some friends of mine (who are girls) and I don't do the same with them that I do with her, so it's easy to get the clue, IMO. I also tell her things that friends don't usually say to each other. I could be dead wrong though, hopefully not.

[Wakeup]

Kiss her already.

[monochromedream]

Kiss her already.

I will. 5 days to get my mind ready for this

[Wakeup]

There's that run-away-train-brain again. Don't think about it at all. Just do it on the date when it feels right.

[monochromedream]

There's that run-away-train-brain again. Don't think about it at all. Just do it on the date when it feels right.

Yep, it sucks. I can't help it much, I just start thinking about stuff and then even though I force myself to stop it just goes on again. I've been thinking a lot on how to do the move, but I try to stop myself as soon as I start thinking about it. There's no use to plan it since it all really depends on the situation we're in. I just hope things go smooth. They have to.

At this moment I am 99% sure she's aware of my feelings for her due to various things I've said and done, and she still speaks to me and wants to meet up, I think that's a good sign, so it should be no surprise to her that I should make a big move soon, since I've been so scared to ruin everything that I've only done minor stuff. But there's always the chance she's oblivious to this and it will all come as a surprise- NVM, overthinking again *sigh*

Cheers