My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years. We have a 2yr old child together. He wants to marry me, but I am having the opposite feelings. I am not being a good girlfriend to him...I just think he deserves someone who is head over heels in love with him and I am not that person. I love him and think he is an amazing person...but that spark is not there. I'm scared to break up our family and I'm scared to be a single mom. I'm scared b/c of money reasons and I don't want to hurt him and our extended families. He feels that I am pulling away. I have found myself thinking about other men and wondering what it would be like to date? I'm scared b/c what if I am wrong? What if I leave my BF and father of my child, only to realize that it was a huge mistake?
I read a quote the other day and it said "The grass is greener on the other side b/c it's fertilized with Bullsh**t".
How will this affect our child? She loves us being together...should I suck it up and wait until she is older? My life is a mess...I am depressed...this sucks. I just want to be happy and I feel like me breaking up our family is the ultimate selfish act. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, after all I did make the decision to have a child with this man. It wasn't planned, but we agreed to try to make things work. My heart is not in it. I need some serious advice.