Arguements that get nasty...Have you ever said you cheated to hurt your S.O.?

[broseidon1225]

So I want to hear what you all have to think about this.

My ex girlfriend and I used to get into some pretty heated fights, a few of which were particularly nasty.

At certain points when she was in a rage and saying things just to hurt me she would always say.

"YA WELL I ****ED (x)" Then pause as if thinking "AND (Y), AND (Z) TOO I sucked his dick all night!!"

She has said the same couple of names repeatedly on all 3 occasions. Usually right after she says these things I'll say something like "Ya I know you did that's why I don't want to be with your trashy ass" (Most of these fights were me breaking up with her). All of these men are people I had suspicions of her actually cheating on me with and we've had conversations of me expressing my concern.

I'll start acting like I believe her and then she'll usually start crying and regret she said those things. One time she came up to me crying and said "What hurts me the most is that you BELIEVE ME"

Now none of you know if she was serious when she said those things or not. But have you had a similar experience? She's very manipulative and good at knowing exactly what to say to hurt me. But I feel like these came out more genuinely out of pure rage, they type of rage where all you can think of is what would hurt that person the most which is usually the truth.

OBVIOUSLY any girl that acts like that in a fight is not worth being with. But I was just wondering what you all think of that and if you've had similar experiences or done the same thing.

[basilandthyme]

No, I've never said that I slept with someone else out of anger. But by the same token, I would have dumped your ass as soon as I recognised your anger issues. (referring to your previous posts)

You're as screwed up as she is....just in a different way.

[dickriculous]

I think we've all dealt with crazy bitches by a certain point in our lives, maybe not exactly your situation but crazy bitches are crazy bitches.

Though I usually spot them long before it gets to the point of "oh yeah? Well I ****ed x, y, and z so **** YOU!!!!!" She must've been fireworks in bed, I can't think of how else she got you to stay with her long enough for that to happen. It's always the crazy ones who know how to make you cum the hardest, it's like psychosis and eroticism are next door neighbors or something.

[Starnique]

That's not a normal way to communicate. I had to learn that. My ex and i were together for a while and we used to get into real bad arguments. I have said the same thing to him in terms of yeah, I ****ed somebody else. Then I used to say, that time you kept calling me that's where I was at. Sometimes it was true, some wasn't. I used to go real below the belt. I would try my best to hurt his feelings but that was only because I would catch him up in lies and stuff and I would just go really hard on him. He used to always take me there. He called me crazy bitch and it was how we argued. It was a turbulent relationship. We make good friends but he's a shitty bf.. I cant tell you how many times I bust his windows out. Love can make a girl go crazy but he's the only guy that ever made me that enraged. Now I know thats not normal and if you get that mad then you don't need to be with the person. Yes you get into it at times but it shouldn't ever get that heated. Its time to end the relationship. Move on.

[Rowen]

I may have said some bad things in arguments- things I've regretted... But never have I made something up like that to hurt the other... That's just...I can't even...

[bluesummer]

I would never ever make up that I screwed somebody to hurt them. That's horrid. If I was going to screw around on someone, they would've really really deserved it and weren't worth me even telling them I did it because I cared so little. Actually, that's a true story.

Anyone that would make that shit up to hurt you is a pretty vindictive sick weirdo.

[Starnique]

Yes. The point is to be vindictive. I don't see how it's sick or weird. If you hurt me then yes, I will say choice things. Some men don't ever think their girls will step out on them...but the look on their face is priceless to find out the truth. Btw, i'm not vindictive by nature. Some guys are really disrespectful and they will play the hell out of you. That's when I will be that crazy vindictive bitch but when he's good to me, I cater to my man. I give him massages, be sweet to him and love him and make cupcakes and shit like that.

[IndiReloaded]

My first H and I would slag each other on our hot buttons when we fought. It would happen very rarely over the years (mostly b/c I learned how to navigate and avoid the rocks) but got worse towards the end. Those kinds of comments in such a new relationship say you are fundamentally incompatible. Or that one or both of you have a lot of growing to do. Blue said it: its about respect. People who love and respect each other don't deliberately hurt each other. Speaking from experience, all it takes is for one insecure person to treat the other poorly and you end up in a cycle of hurt like your situation. The hurt one will eventually fight back, even if it takes years (me).

You need to break up. This will not get better over time. Sort out your anger with a counsellor as suggested. You have to be whole within yourself before being able to grow together in a healthy relationship.

If you need to see the end of your story from one who has been there, consider this: imagine trying to raise a child in such an unhealthy environment. For years I ate disrespect and his insecure niggling. When I finally starting finding my own success and identity, I couldn't keep quiet any longer so we fought in front of my child. We even did counselling but it didn't help. In the end, I left my marriage. Good news is we are all happier for it now, but its a hard row to hoe and it took 20 years.

[IndiReloaded]

Some men don't ever think their girls will step out on them...but the look on their face is priceless to find out the truth.

This^ is very true, I would just add this is just as true for women as men. Everyone in any relationship (personal, work) would do well to remember we are where we are by choice.

[DalM0m]

It sounds like she is very immature. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her. If she'd make up lies like that to hurt you, how are you supposed to trust anything she says?

Yes, people do say awful things in the heat of the moment but she needs to grow up & learn to fight fair.

Any relationship that has one of those never ending cycles of drama of breaking up & making up (at least after high school) is doomed to failure because neither of the participants know how to behave.

Move on. You are better off.

[Starnique]

Yeah but what is he doing to her? I get it. Some chics are pure crazy, meds or no meds, reasons or not. However, what's his role in all of this? Sometimes people don't do these things for no reason. When I did things like this to my ex, it was because he hurted me and I wanted him to feel the hurt that I felt. All people see is a crazy bitch. When I was with my ex, I would go completely off on him anytime, anywhere. He was so disrespectful in so many ways. He really took me thru the ringer. He was a liar, manipulative. Everything. When I would get upset with him, his friends/family would tell him to leave my crazy ass alone and I was the problem. What really hurt me was that he let people believe certain things about me when he knew the truth. All you see is crazy but not really what he was doing. People should take responsibility for their part in situations. They both seem issued.

And no i'm not excusing or trying to justify bad behavior. I'm just saying, look at the total picture.

[mollymari]

The term 'crazy bitches' as dickriculous uses, loses merit when used so very loosely. True, it does happen; we can all get a little 'crazy bitchy' from time to time no matter what one has between their ol' legs;
alas, yes, it does sound like this is an incompatible match of sorts and hey, if your partner and you pull out such low blows when arguing, well, not healthy. Don't forget, yes, yes, it's great when things are good between a couple but what seems to make or break a relationship is often how well a person handles themselves in the heat of a full on argument that lends the insight needed to continue or not. We must learn to argue well, without the nasty low blows. Either way.

[DalM0m]

Yeah but what is he doing to her? I get it. Some chics are pure crazy, meds or no meds, reasons or not. However, what's his role in all of this? Sometimes people don't do these things for no reason. When I did things like this to my ex, it was because he hurted me and I wanted him to feel the hurt that I felt. All people see is a crazy bitch. When I was with my ex, I would go completely off on him anytime, anywhere. He was so disrespectful in so many ways. He really took me thru the ringer. He was a liar, manipulative. Everything. When I would get upset with him, his friends/family would tell him to leave my crazy ass alone and I was the problem. What really hurt me was that he let people believe certain things about me when he knew the truth. All you see is crazy but not really what he was doing. People should take responsibility for their part in situations. They both seem issued.

And no i'm not excusing or trying to justify bad behavior. I'm just saying, look at the total picture.

It does take "two to tango." I supect what the OP was doing was acusing her of cheating so she would throw it back in his face.

But your description of the chaos that was your last relationship sort of proves my point. Your EX hurt you & disrespected you to the point where you would do & say things that to an outsider made you seem like a "Crazy bitch". I understand getting to the point where you just have to scream & let it out because you just can't take it any more but you stuck around & continued to come back for me. Seriously when any relationship gets to the point where one side gets soo fed up, it's time to just walk away with your dignity.

Maturity & a healthy relationship involve learning how to fight fair. If you can't control the horrible stuff from coming out of your mouth at that moment, take a deep breath & walk away. Revisit the issue when you're calmer (& sober to the extent that substances made everything worse).

[Starnique]

Well since i'm so intelligent in everything that I do, I was able to teach him a lesson about not ****ing with me and I walked away with dignity. So if you know what you doing, you can do both.

He apologized later on and he will come running if I wanted him to so I also hold all the weight. =)

[dickriculous]

Yeah but what is he doing to her? I get it. Some chics are pure crazy, meds or no meds, reasons or not. However, what's his role in all of this?

Irrelevant. If he's THAT much of an asshole then someone who's not a crazy bitch or codependent or something would just leave and forget about him.

I guess I could stick around for vindication but wtf for? I don't want the drama that brings, I don't want to waste that time and effort on someone who treats me so poorly that there's no way I will be interested in them, and I don't want to poison my soul by acting out of hate when it's unnecessary. I have nothing to gain out of this that comes anywhere near making up for the aforementioned things. Seriously, what good comes of this? I get to brag on the internet and to my friends "I won this petty childish mind game bitches, **** yeah!!!" Okay, that got boring as soon as it started. What else do I come away with? Meanwhile I could've been spending that time and energy doing something more productive like beating off or damn near anything else.