I keep making the same mistake

[violet11]

Perhaps you ignore red flags? Do you get totally lost in infatuation overlooking subtle warning signs and then 6months later think wtf?

Yes, probably. In all honesty, I used to have really low self esteem and when I entered into relationships I was a bit desperate. I would put up with mostly anything just to have a relationship with the guy; justify behaviour etc. And then finally snap and dump them (which they are ALWAYS shocked by).

My self esteem is much better these days, but I still behaved in the same way. I guess old habits die hard.

[smiling100]

I totally agree.... this is the weird thing though: I never know they're fresh out of a relationship until I develop feelings for them. In the case of my recent ex: it was only after three dates that he mentioned his ex. I seem to subconsciously be attracted to men on the rebound, and I'm not sure why...

Well the next time you meet someone make sure you ask about their recent past on the first date & that should give you some idea of how emotionally available they are. The next time I meet someone & they tell me they have only recently come out of something in the past few months i'm exiting via the closet door & will tell them to come back to me when they have healed. It's not much fun I can tell you being a rebound to someone who has not sorted their head out.

Not sure if you have read my thread but my ex was only recently out of something herself, I asked her was it to soon & she told me she was all cool with starting something with me. Big mistake... First few months were great then literally within a day she totally changed her attitude & admitted it was to soon for her to be in a relationship.

Now i'm picking up the pieces ...


Good luck

[michelle23]

Yes, probably. In all honesty, I used to have really low self esteem and when I entered into relationships I was a bit desperate. I would put up with mostly anything just to have a relationship with the guy; justify behaviour etc. And then finally snap and dump them (which they are ALWAYS shocked by).

My self esteem is much better these days, but I still behaved in the same way. I guess old habits die hard.

That explains a lot. Thats the mistake you kept making. You need to take some time to really think about what you want, set your standards high and dont settle. You need to keep your eyes open for red flags and if your unhappy in the early stages its a big red flag.

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[violet11]

Well the next time you meet someone make sure you ask about their recent past on the first date & that should give you some idea of how emotionally available they are. The next time I meet someone & they tell me they have only recently come out of something in the past few months i'm exiting via the closet door & will tell them to come back to me when they have healed. It's not much fun I can tell you being a rebound to someone who has not sorted their head out.

Not sure if you have read my thread but my ex was only recently out of something herself, I asked her was it to soon & she told me she was all cool with starting something with me. Big mistake... First few months were great then literally within a day she totally changed her attitude & admitted it was to soon for her to be in a relationship.

Now i'm picking up the pieces ...


Good luck

I feel you. I broke up from a five year relationship when I was 25, and every relationship I've had since then has been with a guy who's on the rebound. I'm 32 now No wonder I've experienced so much hurt.

I did read your post, and I hope you feel better soon I think short term relationships are really hard to get over, because you leave them when you're still in the infatuation stage.

[violet11]

That explains a lot. Thats the mistake you kept making. You need to take some time to really think about what you want, set your standards high and dont settle. You need to keep your eyes open for red flags and if your unhappy in the early stages its a big red flag.

Part of the problem is that I go for an esoteric connection over practical things... like being reliable.

[michelle23]

Whats wrong with that? I go for trust, honesty, reliability and someone who puts me first. Might sound boring but its the foundation necessary. You can add in the fun/spontaenity

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[smiling100]

I feel you. I broke up from a five year relationship when I was 25, and every relationship I've had since then has been with a guy who's on the rebound. I'm 32 now No wonder I've experienced so much hurt.

I did read your post, and I hope you feel better soon I think short term relationships are really hard to get over, because you leave them when you're still in the infatuation stage.

Yes well hopefully we can learn from our mistakes.

I never really thought about short term relationships like that & have to agree I know she had chinks in her armour though I have her on this pedestal & i'm finding it hard to get her off. All I see in her is her good points. I didn't get to know her well enough to see many flaws.

I know she couldn't seem to relax much & didn't sleep well. I'm just hoping I can get over her in the next few months so I can start enjoying my life again.

Annoying thing is it's going to take longer to get over her than the time I actually was with her.