Trying to understand a man

[marilyn62]

I have been going crazy with this long time friend. We work together not everyday but I cannot read him. People at work think there's something going on, there's not at this point. I told him they thought that via text and his reply was "I knew that". He is flirty by nature so I second guess if I'm reading too much into it.Once when I was having a bad day he just came up behind me and hugged me for a long time. He proudly admits he can read me like a book. I once told him I missed his face so much I wanted to kiss it and he replied never hold back. I've tried to get him to take me to lunch but he says it's not the right time, good things come to those who wait. What does this mean? Why does he seem to really care about the important things in my life but be confusing about what he wants? Is he afraid or not interested? Why do others sense what I want when it doesn't even exist?

[Maple1714]

He sounds like he is just playing around with you. Maybe he is bored, lonely and/or selfish. He knows you like him...he is just teasing you. If you actually made a move on him I bet he'd give you some lame excuse why it can't happen. I say lay it all out there...make a move and if he resists never speak to him again. Flirting is fun, but only if it progresses into something...otherwise it's just a frustrating waste of time.

[Boisdevie]

The guy sounds like a dick who likes to **** with your brain. 'He proudly admits he can read me like a book' - pretentious twat.

[michelle23]

Ya i think you should stay clear. You said hes a natural flirt-that normally equates to cheat if you get with him. Stay away

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[dickriculous]

He's being flirty and ambiguous. Playing hard to get. If you're particularly attractive and get a lot of attention from guys he probably figures you're bored of cocks just throwing themselves into your lap so he's attaching strings to his in order to increase his value to you. I would assume he has a fair bit of experience with women but as boisdevie said, "I can read you like a book" isn't exactly subtle so I'm not so sure. Either way, he does sound interested so you can pursue him if you want but don't expect a long term monogamous commitment out of him.

[marilyn62]

"I can read you like a book" I should probably explain is not something he says a lot. He is right, he can, but I took it more that he's proud he knows me better than anyone else. He's also in the middle of a divorce, long time coming with kids involved. I also wondered if he's worried about crossing the friend line. It just didn't make sense to me how he has been so genuinely concerned with some very difficult things I've gone thru lately if he's a player. I thought they wouldn't be so worried about your personal problems.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just because someone doesn't want to date you doesn't mean they don't care about you. Sounds like he's got a lot going on.

[Maple1714]

Just because someone doesn't want to date you doesn't mean they don't care about you. Sounds like he's got a lot going on.

This is true and a hard concept for a lot of people understand. I've only recently come to understand this through experience. I have a couple male friends whom I love and vice versa...but we have never dated and are totally OK with just being friends. We may flirt lightly and compliment one another, but there is no romance. I care about everything they go through etc...

OP, sounds like you have romantic feelings for him and he is going through personal issues that might be draining him of any romantic feelings he could have for you at the moment. Maybe he never will develop those kinds of feelings for you? Who knows? I think it's best to remain friends and not get your hopes up for anything more. Distance yourself from him and focus on yourself. Maybe one day a romance will develop, but you don't want to go down that road with someone unless they are 100% free to reciprocate. How old are you both? I am always curious about age. He should be careful not to flirt with you, but hey we are all human and if he's a natural flirt then he is who he is. Don't read too much into his behavior.

[marilyn62]

He's 50, I'm 40. We are both natural flirts. But, everyone at work seems to notice the difference in how he is with me versus everyone else. I do have feelings for him, but tried to convince myself he was just a flirt until everyone at work started asking if there was something going on with us. I don't feel he's different around me but they do. Especially with all the stuff we have both had go on recently. Idk, I'm thinking about putting him on the spot and telling him what I think.

[Maple1714]

He's 50, I'm 40. We are both natural flirts. But, everyone at work seems to notice the difference in how he is with me versus everyone else. I do have feelings for him, but tried to convince myself he was just a flirt until everyone at work started asking if there was something going on with us. I don't feel he's different around me but they do. Especially with all the stuff we have both had go on recently. Idk, I'm thinking about putting him on the spot and telling him what I think.

Meh...if you really feel the need to get your feelings off your chest go for it, but if he wanted something more than friendship I would think he would pursue you. He isn't a young man...we are talking about a 50yr old man going through a divorce. I know physical age doesn't really have a whole lot to do with emotional maturity, but he should realize at that age that life is short and if you want something you have to go get it. Sounds like he is just playing around...nothing more. Sounds like it's just friendly. Don't pay attention to what anyone else says at work or let others opinions cloud your vision or sway your perception. Too often in life we make situations more complicated than they really are. I say let it go...