I've been cheating but I don't know what to do now

[Wakeup]

Thank you everyone for all of your advice. Thank you also for not bashing me. I've been feeling like an awful person for this whole mess.

The two times I've seen C have been weird. The first time we got along great but it felt like more of a friends thing and then the second time it just was awkward.

I really have no idea why I am so attached to C and won't just break up with him officially. Our relationship isn't great and yet I keep doing this to myself.

don't be a monkey that needs to grab onto one branch before letting go of the last one. Break up with "C" word and forget "L" word until you've learned how to respect yourself, be happy as a single, have formed some hobbies and goals to reach that will give you confidence and in turn you'll frame yourself as the prize and if any guy doesn't appreciate the prize that you are (have become) then you will confidently lose him never to look back again.

You have no self-esteem. Work on that without the help of the attention of men to get you feeling fine about you.

[bcgirl]

You've been with "C" for most of your young adult dating life. You don't know really what could be out there. You and "C" fight too much and seem incompatible. Break up with him. Don't rebound to "L". This is the wrong move and will just make you more depressed in the long run. The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. Take a breather and figure out who you really are and what you really want. As for this thing with "L". Don't talk to him nor see him.

[anastasis]

What I said at the beginning of this thread was true when I wrote it and it remains true now.

Most women (and I mean MOST) would sell their immortal soul just for a pretense of 'security' and social status. That's why a woman will stay with a wife beater and a worthless son of bitch for decades as long as he can provide some social perceived 'security'.

C provides the security and social status of having a 'boyfriend'. It's not that she really even gets on with him anymore. It's the purest manifestation of self-serving, spineless cowardess that is the motivation here. It is simply the fear of losing the 'thing' (THING) that makes other people think she's somebody.

I've seen it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and FRIGGIN OVER AGAIN!

THEY NEVER LEARN!!!! EVER!!!!

They never understand that the only 'security' that exists in this world in a relationship is LOVE. Not money, not cars, not houses, not even careers. Just LOVE. And if LOVE isn't there, the house will come crashing down anyway.

[bcgirl]

^ and "love" is just that bloody simple right?

[anastasis]

^ and "love" is just that bloody simple right?

Love is the pure Will to do good to another on every plane in every way.

So, yes. It is both that simple and that profound.

I wouldn't expect you to understand. You probably think that love is a feeling instead of a Will.

[bcgirl]

^ and what are the odds of finding that other person who shares the same meaning of love as you? Hmm could it be possible the OP didn't find that at 19 with her first serious relationship Einstein?
Everyone is different and unique and obviously people have all sorts of views and definition of what love means to them.

Would you say that being physically attracted to a person you are in a relationship is important?

[anastasis]

^ and what are the odds of finding that other person who shares the same meaning of love as you? Hmm could it be possible the OP didn't find that at 19 with her first serious relationship Einstein?
Everyone is different and unique and obviously people have all sorts of views and definition of what love means to them.

Would you say that being physically attracted to a person you are in a relationship is important?

She wasn't looking for it, nor did she even comprehend it. It is doubtful, highly doubtful, if she ever will. I can know these things because I know the fundamental laws of attraction. Like attracts like. She is attracted to the energy corresponding most closely to her own. And that is what she will find. If she had any approximate concept of what love actually was, she would not find herself in these circumstances. Her circumstances are the sum total of her choices. Her choices are the sum total of her understandings and motives. I don't need to know anymore about her than her circumstance to know everything I ever need to know. The rest is all logical implication of the thesis of the circumstance.

[bcgirl]

No one is saying its right for her to cheat. Obviously she is rebounding which isn't a good thing and will end in more heart break than good. I don't need you to try to explain the word rebound. if she hasn't been happy with "C" for years than break it off with him so he can find someone he will be more compatible with. It ain't rocket science here.

[anastasis]

No one is saying its right for her to cheat. Obviously she is rebounding which isn't a good thing and will end in more heart break than good. But if she hasn't been happy with "C" for years than break it off with him so he can find someone he will be more compatible with. It ain't rocket science here.

She's not rebounding. She's resecuring. She's attempting to find a better horse to ride out on. This isn't love. This is the fundamental motivation of every gold digger who has ever lived--security and status. Has absolutely not the slightest thing to do with love. It is the dictionary definition of selfishness and self-absorbtion.

As I wrote previously, I'll write once more. It is the purest and most naked manifestation of utter cowardess. That's why I have no respect or tolerance for it. Nor do I (or will I) ever have any respect for such wretched forms of witch craft and black magic. It is apparent to anyone with Eyes to see.

[bcgirl]

Most women (and I mean MOST) would sell their immortal soul just for a pretense of 'security' and social status.

And I'm sure you are not more different. Most people aren't fully content in their jobs. They are middle class working 8 hours a day for big corporations so that the rich get richer, the banks get richer so that you and your family can have a sense of security living decently and comfortably and therefore be part of the social status system. Just one example.

What about the food you buy and the clothes you wear? You are selling your soul too everyday you bite into that tasty Big Mac that will shorten your lifespan and contributing to the cruelty to animals

We can nitpick at one thing and say "oh I'm a better person because I don't cheat and I know how to love" and maybe your definition of love is just thAt simple because perhaps your brain can not take a look outside the box and see the bigger picture.

[anastasis]

And I'm sure you are not more different. Most people aren't fully content in their jobs. They are middle class working 8 hours a day for big corporations so that the rich get richer, the banks get richer so that you and your family can have a sense of security living decently and comfortably and therefore be part of the social status system. Just one example.

What about the food you buy and the clothes you wear? You are selling your soul too everyday you bite into that tasty Big Mac that will shorten your lifespan and contributing to the cruelty to animals

There are systems and then there are systems. The world may be a pile of shit or lead, but the work of an Alchemist is to use various channels of Work as stock in trade to transform that dull lead into Spiritual Gold.

I am a Xristian. Therefore I am in one system. The Seclorum is in another ruled by Mammon. Therefore, my purpose in Alchemy is to use the Mammon of Unrighteousness in order to produce Spiritual Gold. How good I am at that business determines my Spiritual Wealth. This system actually does pertain to the formula of true Love, whereas the Seclorum is a system in which the outer shell, which should be filled with love, is empty and sold as a stock in trade as if it were the real thing. The World deals in Fool's Gold. So there is selling your soul, and then there is selling soul. The pertinate issue here is what you sell your soul to and for how much. This is all contained in the Master's parabola of the 5 Talents. Everyone is going to deal out something. Some of us just deal in Oil.

There is all the difference in the World between Gold and Fool's Gold.

[bcgirl]

You take a culture that views animals as a protoplasmic thing to be manipulated by whatever creative design the human decides on these vulnerable lives, you see this by the food we eat and the quantity we eat it by. You take a culture that drives on capitalism. You take a culture that grows up on MTV, porn and fairy-tale romantic comedies. And then you wonder how someone can have such controlling, disrespectful, selfish type mentalities.

[Lord Darkshire]

I think the OP got their advice, all the rest is just arguments. This thread is closed.