He treats me like his girlfriend, BUT....

[danigrl1]

Alright guys, maybe you can help me out on a dilemma I've been having. Rather than ask my fellow ladies what they think, I figured I would go straight to the source because we can't always think like a man. Straight and to the point...

Giving you some background, I've been dating the same guy for about three months now (whom I met online). We hit it off great, had a mutual connection (both in and out of the bedroom), but something just doesn't feel right as time goes on. It seems like he may be either 1) Still hung up on his ex gf whom he's holding out for, or 20 slowly losing interest in me.

Now here's where it gets a little tricky, he doesn't want to establish us as a couple (nor have a desire to be Facebook friends, not a big deal, but I think its a little sketchy, though he has his ex as a friend and numerous other gal pals), but he pays for (most of) everything. He treats me like his gf, by cuddling, snuggling, spending all weekend with me, and taking me out to dinner, shows, various other places. So it seems like we're a couple, but when we're out together its like he almost acts like he doesn't know me. He'll never show PDA, and half the time he won't even walk next to me (but in front of behind). This guy seems to blow hot and cold, and I need to just know if I'm wasting my time??

He says I'm a "fun" date and that we're friends (and FWB), and that there is a "potential" to become more, but its too soon to tell because "I'm too indecisive, I have to many problems, and I'm always changing my stripes like a Chameleon". So understandably, maybe the problem isn't so much him, but more me. But at the same time, why treat me like your gf, if you have no intentions of making me one, aside from the fact that we're weekend hook up buddies. Is he just waiting for someone better to come along, like I'm a placeholder?

He's a god guy, aside from the jerks I've previously dated. But in the same sense I want to believe SO bad that I have a chance with him aside from just being a hook up, but I think I have done myself in so far already that its too late. Is it in my best interests to drop him sooner than later? He makes me feel like a good friend and a lover, while at the same time making me feel like shit. Help!

[Boisdevie]

He makes me feel like a good friend and a lover, while at the same time making me feel like shit. Help!

Then tell him what YOU want out of the relationship. If he gives you what YOU want then fine. If not dump him. My view - he's enjoying the sex and you've not been assertive enough in accepting the crap so this situation is partly your fault. You've been taken advantage of because you've allowed it to happen. Time to grow up.

[basilandthyme]

But at the same time, why treat me like your gf, if you have no intentions of making me one, aside from the fact that we're weekend hook up buddies. Is he just waiting for someone better to come along, like I'm a placeholder?

danigirl, a girl can answer this question just as accurately as a man can.

He does this because you let him. It's really this simple.

Edited to add: who's the indecisive chameleon? You or him? If it's him, then he's told you the answer you're seeking.

[Ensom]

If he seems to be holding out for his ex then you are wasting your time.
If he was really into you then she wouldn't matter.

[pcmaster]

Dont take critics so seriously. Thats why you are feeling like shit. Thats why you lack boldness so he calls you indecisive. Hes not better than you.
However what you realy need is some confidence that dont depends on him. Something thats inside you no matter what he says. If hes not giving you compliments and just critizes you then thats what you start to believe. When your confidence is lowered he have more control over you. This is common scenario what guys do - lower girls confidence(keep girl down) so they can have more control in relationship. Dont let him to put you down or make you feel bad. Healty, confident guys dont have to do what this guy are doing.

[michelle23]

He doesn't want to be seen with you and wont add you on facebook. Hes cheating on someone with you. Have you googled him? Looked for him under a different facebook profile? Different dating sites? Have you been to his house? Met his family or friends?

I suggest you stop wasting your time and kick his ass to the curb

[jj123]

He's giving you only half of the package. Doing some bf stuff with you in private, but not acknowledging you as his special someone in public. Not necessarily out of shame, but perhaps out of his own insecurity. Try keeping a bit of distance, saying you're occupied with other things when he wants to hang out -- and actually go out with friends rather than sit around at home wishing you had something better to do. This will test him and if he reacts by trying to "win" your time back, then make it clear that you don't understand why he's being 50/50 about the whole thing.

[HeartIsAching]

He doesn't want to be seen with you and wont add you on facebook. Hes cheating on someone with you. Have you googled him? Looked for him under a different facebook profile? Different dating sites? Have you been to his house? Met his family or friends?

I suggest you stop wasting your time and kick his ass to the curb

Exactly what I was thinking.

[bekho]

Maybe he's better than u?

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[fearoflove]

He is exactly what you think he is doing, playing you and keeping his options open. Trust your intuition, girl. Ugh, dump the loser or just go along with the ride if you enjoy how things are going with the free meals, good sex, and freedom to date other guys. But I would rather date a millionaire.

[galaxyman]

Then tell him what YOU want out of the relationship. If he gives you what YOU want then fine. If not dump him. My view - he's enjoying the sex and you've not been assertive enough in accepting the crap so this situation is partly your fault. You've been taken advantage of because you've allowed it to happen. Time to grow up.

This ^^ You HAVE to make it clear to him what you want. Most guys I know think that they can coast through a relationship without putting in any effort. They dread the woman having a voice. But make it known. If he leaves, he wasn't worth it.