In love with my best girlfriend.

[calypso01]

Hi everyone, I would like to receive some advice about a matter that's been bugging me lately. Please bear with me for a few moments.

I am a straight 25 years old female who's always been attracted to men and had 2 long term relationships until now. My last one ended a while ago,after 2 years of being together with the man i thought of as "the love of my life"( it turned out he couldn't keep up with me and we had different goals in life: i was trying to achieve a good carrier and a wonderful life while he was just sitting at home,playing games all day long and letting me support us both). I've gotten over it but one day,something strange popped into my mind.

I've been friends with my best friend ( we are both girls) since middle school. We've been always very close, doing girl stuff,talking about boys and pointing out really cute guys,shopping together,having sleepovers, playing mmorpgs together,almost everything you could think of,we would do together; and even when we didn't talk for several weeks because of our university/jobs the friendship between us kept being very strong. A normal friendship.

We lived together in the same city only during middle school and high school, then i moved away to go to university,followed by moving abroad for my job. Even so, whenever i visit home, we try to meet and have some good quality time together, and we always talk. When i was in my last year of high school, i had for a while this weird sensation like i was attracted to her. I even asked her once what she thinks about a relationship between girls ( it was just a talk about random stuff and this subject came out,i wasn't pointing at myself) and her response was wavering,neutral, but not negative. If i remember correctly, she even made a joke about it saying " are you curious?". After that, i thought to myself the butterflies and attraction were just something temporary and i was just a bit confused. I suppressed them and I tried to move on.

5 years have passed since then and a while ago i found myself thinking about her in that strange way again. She often says "i love you" in a friendly and cute way , we always agree that we are lucky to have each other and that it's amazing how similar we are ( we are both gorgeous,determined and independent women, always fighting for our believes, we love the same stuff, we get along incredibly good.. it's like we're a mirror of each other); and we would also joke about how we would be soulmates if either of us was a boy. She always tells me how much she misses me and how much she wants for us to live close again ( i still work abroad).
Now i'm stuck with this feeling,i fantasize about kissing her or having an intimate relationship with her, i am even wondering how my life would be together with her. Even i find it crazy because i never felt this way towards a woman until now. I am 99% sure she is straight because she's been with her boyfriend for 2 years and I know she loves him. Even so, i think more and more about her and i started to interpret her actions,like they are some kind of subtle signs : Our tight hugs, our kisses on our cheeks..even her neutral answer to my question from 5 years ago (when by the way, we were in the same bed,hugging each other while trying to fall asleep) is making me think she does feel a little bit attracted to me...or maybe i am mistaking..

MY PROBLEM IS:
-I am not sure if this is only something temporary or i am really being serious about her. I must admit that even when i dated guys, the thought of having a girlfriend didn't really bother or disgust me. But still, i don't know how to confirm these feelings,how to make sure they are really true.
-If this is true and i really started to fall for her, i would never dare to ruin her relationship with her boyfriend... While i work abroad, it would be no problem to suppress my feelings,but she is making plans to move here as well. We started making plans about how wonderful it would be when she comes here, and we would also make plans to visit our favorite foreign country together ( and she said : " I can't wait for it, just have to figure out what to do with my boyfriend"- meaning she doesn't want him to come with us in our trip). I am really confused because i know she is also very serious about her boyfriend.
-I am also scared that i might develop really strong feelings for her and that her signs are really just my imagination. I don't want to scare her off and lose her..

How do you think i should act from now on? How should i find out if she really has something going on or it's just my imagination,without asking her bluntly and creating a weird situation.. And if it really is my imagination, how should i restrain myself once she moves here? I know her boyfriend and he is a great guy, i wouldn't want to ruin their relationship, but i can't be sure i'll be able to hold myself back forever if she's here.

Thank you for your patience

[smackie9]

Don't date a friend if you don't want to lose them, date other girls instead.

[countrygirl1]

When she comes to visit, let her body language do the 'talking'. Be a bit flirty, and see if she reciprocates. See if she talks a lot about her boyfriend in good ways, or if she seems more interested in you. Don't offer up your opinion of her bf, don't encourage talking badly of him. If she seems to be responding to you, then I'd talk to her about your feelings. I'd probably start the conversation with 'this will not effect our friendship because I refuse to let that happen", however......this is how I'm feeling...and be open to her response to it. She might not initially respond positively, but maybe in time things will change...ya never know. Best of luck!