Hi everyone!
So I signed up on here simply to get some thoughts/advice on this tough topic. I'm writing this about my boyfriend. Him and I have been together for 7.5 years and we are very much in love- however, we..or should I say I.. are quite unhappy in the bedroom.
My boyfriend is 25 years old. He's in pretty good health, he's 5'10", 210lbs, a police officer, happy, not too much stress..BUT he has NO interest in sex!
It's not always been this way.. we used to have an awesome sex life! We would exchange videos/photos/dirty texts, come home and try new things, try new places, he always had an interest and would show his need and desire throughout the day. He only ever occasionally masterbated, and that's been that way since I met him. He always made me feel like he was super attracted to me.
Within the last year though, things have changed. We are having sex maybe once or twice every two or three weeks. It's always the same thing- in bed, lights off, kiss for all of 3 minutes, (he can USUALLY get an erection) although we are experiencing a few times when he cannot, then he gets on top, last about a minute, climaxes, and it's over.
The dirty talking in all forms have stopped, although I've tried to initiate it many times. The sexual comments and gestures have stopped. The trying new things and places have stopped. And all of his excitement just seems..gone.
Even when we do have sex.. it almost seems like he is doing it.. because he has to? I'll say, or do, or wear, things around the house that should make him go crazy.. like it used to.. but now it's like it has no effect on him.
I can't remember the last he has kissed me anywhere other than my lips, he doesn't like to give oral sex (which is somewhat new and whole new issue), he doesn't do anything he used to do that he knows I like.. I could go on.
Whenever we have sex, I almost always like to follow it with a round 2 or 3.. he can NEVER get himself 'up' to complete a round 2. I respect him, don't make it a big deal, because I know if I'm hassling him about it then that will make it even harder. I also know I can't expect him to recover and be ready for a round 2 RIGHT AWAY. So I give us a couple of minutes to catch our breath, etc. Then I'll start to kiss him and whatnot. Sometimes we'll try for a half hour, but he can't make it happen.
I just don't know what the issue could be.
He CAN get an erection, although he can't maintain it too long.
I don't THINK it's any type of medical condition.
I don't think he's not attracted to me anymore.. we've talked about this issue plenty. He always reassures me that it's not me..
I've been TRYING to talk about this issue for about a year, and I've been mentioning it plenty. He doesn't open up much though. He just says "Well it's something I've got to work on." or "It's not that I don't want to." << I ask him what it is then, and he says "I don't know." or "nothing." --- we never have issues with talking about things, even personal things, but this is one thing I just can't get him to talk about.
Any insight, advice, thoughts, would be super appreciated!! ]