Lack of interest and low libido

[mjewels]

Hi Guys,

I'm needing some male input here. I've been in a relationship for 3.5 years to a wonderful man, who has had impotency problems from day one. His impotency stems from suffering depression and his x wife using sex as a manipulation. It took a little patience from my part but eventually, rather then him worry about performing or if he would satisfy me, he started taking Viagra (which costs through the roof) and usually only half a pill did the trick and solved the intimacy side of things where he didn't have to worry about his performance. It's a touchy subject for him and i have always been very sensitive on the issue as i know it's out of his control. My whole life i hear men complaining that intimacy with their partners has dwindled since they committed and the women tend to dangle it in their faces. ON the other hand my whole life i've always seemed to be the instigator and just get frustrated that my libido always ends up higher then my partners. I would love to be intimate with my partner a few times a week or at least once a week but he seems to be happy with once every few weeks or once a month and sometimes i think that only happens just to shut me up.

To give him credit in this department i must say once viagra was being used all was great and his libido was healthy, but once the doctors changed his medication for his depression, the viagra doesn't even work. With the doctor knowing this, he has tried various other medication for depression and the cialisis instead of the viagra but still nothing seems to work.

I feel we have come so far for him to overcome certain obstacles and all was good and now it seems like we're back to square one. I feel for him as i know he wants the problem to be fixed but in the meantime i feel like i'm going insane. As much as i love him i have needs as well and need intimacy in a relationship. Everything needs to work all around not just intimacy. And intimacy doesn't necessarily have to be intercourse, there are other ways but he's simply not into it unless he can fully function.

Other then that, i love him to bits and he forfills my life in every other way, although i can be patient, i know myself and within time i will start looking at other men and it's not what i want to do as it goes against everything i believe in.

So please, is there anyone out there who has either experienced the same sort of thing or could give me some advice on this one?????

Thanks
Jules

[pisces25]

I have experienced that. My partner went to therapy but still couldn't overcome his issues so I ended up walking away. We were together 11 months. I know exactly what you are going through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Has he tried therapy?

[bulrush]

Guy here. I am usually the one with the higher libido, I know your frustration.

1. Get viagra from http://www.canadadrugs.com. You need a valid prescription and I use them. This viagra works and is $3 per pill.

2. Is he on Zoloft? It's a well-known boner killer. See if he can switch to something else.

3. Has he been to therapy? Usually depressed people need therapy in addition to meds. He needs to try at least 15 times.

[mjewels]

Thanks for your replies. In answer to your questions from both posts, the answers are as follows:

1. My partner is 45 and I'm 38. His impotency problems started probably from his early 30's and from about 38 onwards became more serious, where only the viagra would work. He wasn't on any medication back then other then if he felt anxious and stressed at times he used to call them sit down and chill pills, which he only took occasionally. He used to self medicate himself on marijuana, which he was still on when we met, but slowly dwindled from using occasionally, and up until a year ago he totally stopped. For this i was doing absolute cart wheels because i'm not into any drugs whatsoever. I am ecstatic that he stopped, although he was using it most of his life, but he knew that if he didn't eventually stop that it would see us parting ways. I told him my thoughts and stance on the whole thing from day one, and never hassled him about it, until he decided for himself. So no, i'm not the typical nagging type heheheh.

2. I would love to get viagra cheaper, but being all the way over in Australia i don't think our prescriptions would work on www.canadadrugs.com. But i will look into it just to see. I suppose buying pills online is a little freaky especially not knowing if it is what it's suppose to be????

3. He has been receiving therapy and since changing psychologists, the doc put him on ADHD pills (concerta) to start with. Taking this eliminated him using marijuana, because then his brain wasn't working over time. These pills never caused a problem and Viagra worked just fine. For the anxiety the doc tried a few different pills until he found Seroquel which did the trick. Initially it was getting doses right, and up to about 75mg - 100mg doses were fine with Viagra still working, but then that dose got up to 200mg, and well viagra stopped. Over the time he kind of cut back on the dose a couple of days leading up to being intimate, which kind of did work but had to take a full Viagra rather then just half a pill as he used to before going on any of this medication. Cutting back on his medication isn't the answer as then it puts him out of whack and whats the point of that??

In the meantime the doc tried him on cialisis instead of viagra and that was worse. Tried him on other substitute drugs other then seroquel and it didn't work. The latest substitute is Lithium - Quilonom SR, with only a 100mg seroquel. This i'm yet to find out if it works or has changed anything but is more or less my last hope in having an intimate relationship.

Throughout the whole time of knowing him i can't say he comes across as this depressed unstable guy because he's not. He has his moments and the only time i saw him at his worse was when the doc was trying him on all sorts of pills like a guinea pig, until he found what works for him. He found the pill that works but has ruined his intimacy side of things.

So that's my man in a nutshell!!!