Very helpful ex!

[whatthehell]

Wow damn2010 that sounds like an Even more screwed up situation than the one I am in! Tough letting go of a first love....

[ccjc]

They've called each other every name in the book, they've made each other angry and cry and run towards other people, but they have a deep connection. As toxic as it is...it's there. They just need to stop communicating all together and I think each other would be happier.

I reckon they both need to grow a little wiser. I can understand the whole daddy issue, thats always an unfortunate event to deal with. But she sounds like she needs more time to grow up than he is.

I guess having the time apart, but not leaving each other on bad terms, might help

whatthehell,
I never think that texting in any form is a great way of knowing how to deal with the situation. Its usually good to see each other face to face or at least talk over the phone. You'd just get a totally different vibe out of them.

Texting, you'd get some vibe, but it could be interpreted as anything. Its not what they say, its HOW they said it. He might sound sarcastic and non-caring over the text, but you'd never know if he was just having a tired day or something and lost focus typing something compassionately back to you.

But stay on guard, the tone of his texting-messages doesnt set him on a good start. If I was chick, I'd completely throw a book at him with the title; "Know how to treat a girl, 101"

[whatthehell]

Good answer Ccjc! And I agree completely with what you say. On Christmas eve I was driving to the city where I am frm when I got a text from ex asking if I had managed to get my car out if the snow. As I was at the beginning of a 3 hour drive on very icy roads and couldn't text him back, I rang him. First time we had talked on phone in weeks. I was surprised at how warm he sounded, not just what he said but the tone of his voice. Compared with his texts it was like communicating with a different person! I know everybody on these forums says their exes are great people but he really is. He always treated me so well - except for not knowing if he wanted a future with mr. I'm devastated every time I think about what I've actually lost, especially since he clearly still cares about me.

[Boisdevie]

You should not have phoned him. You really need to move on - unless you really enjoy torturing yourself

[sookie6]

OP I don't think you have lost him. Sometimes being apart makes us realise that we were good together. You should not expect your guy to be a sweet talker or to always act romantically or to say the right words to you...as long as his actions speak as loud as they seem to..what the hell...this guy truely cares and should see this...

Go and get him back before someone else does..cos I can tell you this kinda guy does not stay single for ages...pretty soon a woman will notice his kindness and 'unselfishness' and she will not let go of him...stop questioning us on here and go and get your man back!

[breakupguy]

Have you told him everything that you've told us at this point, for example, that he's confusing you with the different tones you're getting from verbal vs. text messages? In the end, you need to communicate with him and tell him what you're telling us, if you're truly trying to get something accomplished here.

[whatthehell]

No I haven't. I need to sit down with him and lay my cards on the table. In honesty though I think it may he too late. His texts are becoming less frequent. I think he's moving on now I don't know whether to give it a try and risk being rejected all over again or to just leave it and try to move on myself. I'm really sad about how things ended up but at this point I just don't know if there is anything i can do ....

[damn2010]

No I haven't. I need to sit down with him and lay my cards on the table. In honesty though I think it may he too late. His texts are becoming less frequent. I think he's moving on now I don't know whether to give it a try and risk being rejected all over again or to just leave it and try to move on myself. I'm really sad about how things ended up but at this point I just don't know if there is anything i can do ....

What a quitter you are!

Love is always a big risk, it's like jumping off a cliff into water. Yeah, you can make the leap and someone might catch you...but if you're rejected, you either swim and move forward or you let yourself sink to the bottom.

Honestly, rejection is one of the biggest human fears, but you know what? You'll still be alive after it all...you'll still wake up in the morning...at least you have your health right?

GET OVER YOUR SILLY FEAR. We guys deal with rejection ALL THE TIME, you don't see us moping about it.

You need to gather up all your strength, get some guts and reach out to this guy ONE LAST TIME. If he rejects you, then *BOOM* close the door and move on. At least you can have the satisfaction of knowing that you did EVERYTHING you could to try and work things out.

[sweetkissesforu]

Why do men need one of these

[breakupguy]

If you can't speak to him in person, send him a text message letting him know exactly how you feel, give him a reasonable amount of time to respond, say a day or two, then move on if he doesn't respond or says he's not interested. That way you can walk away knowing that you've let him know how you feel and that you gave him ample amount of time to respond. Time to stop with the games, life's too short. Just my opinion.

[Olenjka10]

Maybe he wants you to tell him that you want to get back with him. He wants you to make a move instead of doing it himself ( at least thats what it looks like) I would think twice before i do anything. If you ask him to get back with you it may bring him back but you;ll be at a disadvantage...

[whatthehell]

Thanks everyone. It's true that fear of rejection is a factor here but that is because in the past I have really made a fool of myself in the past and, if nothing else, I would like this situation to end with me still possessing some self respect. I'm sorry if I've been driving you all crazy, I just don't have anyone to talk to about it. Or at least, anyone who is not telling me to forget about him and move on.

[whatthehell]

Hi everyone.Just wanted to let you know that there is no hope of my ex and I getting back together.We spent this evening together, going to see a movie and for a meal together.We also ended up in bed when he came to pick me up....He dropped me home tonight and there was a moment in the car when I thought he was going to ask me to get back together.We were kind of smiling shyly at each other,like we used to do when we had just met.I was going to ask him about it then but I didnt.When i text him to thank him for a lovely evening, I asked if he was interested in giving things another go, that there seemed to be a lot still between us.He replied that we would probably just keep going around in circles like before but that he does really care about me.I said that was ok.He replied that he is sorry for being the way he is.I am very sad but at least I know where I stand now I guess...........

[Raze]

Problem solved. You finally resolved it. Finally...

[whatthehell]

Raze, your sarcastic tone is very helpful.Thank you.