Dating My X, She Got Cold Feet

[RushRe]

Sex without emotion is wrong. It's not healthy at the end of the day. Wrong is wrong. Sorry, no rhetoric will convince me on any different.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How could it be wrong when it feels soooo right?!

Take your religious nonsense elsewhere, you sheep.

[searock]

Ok, I was exaggerating when I said that your only type of advice is the one you offered on this thread, but as you said it's the most common. I think it's wrong because I think using people to one's advantage (with that being the ONLY purpose) is wrong. I think treating people like objects is wrong, and who chooses to do so puts themselves in a low position... becoming no better than the person who treated them badly in the first place. I personally would MUCH rather keep my own dignity, rather than become a jerk just because someone has acted like a jerk to me. It's not even about "rational" morals, it's more of a gut feeling, that I think almost everyone has.

RushRe, if all the people involved are consentient, then no, it is not "wrong".

[Wakeup]

WakeUp, it will work. The girl is an attention seeker. It really is that easy with girls like this. Guarantee she'll catch feelings again once he has no problem banging her without any further interest.

He's told her outright that he just wants to sport fk her. (good on him for being upfront ~ her choice now if she accepts the offer) His mistake (I think) was that he's left it up to her to contact him. Most women, even one's who are stupid and without self-esteem, those who only feel pretty when they're getting sexual attention from men, don't want to appear easy or that they're the pursuers. She's probably now, in her game playing mind, waiting for him to make the first move. if he doesn't then I think the whole thing will just fizzle. If he now calls her first (after telling her to call him) to hook up.. she wins again.

... Just my prediction. Of course only time will tell.

[AnnonymousMan]

Sex without emotion is wrong. It's not healthy at the end of the day. Wrong is wrong. Sorry, no rhetoric will convince me on any different.

People have sex for more reasons than just love or emotions. In my case, I am horny and since she said yes, I do not see what is wrong. I have already taken preparations on convincing myself that she is just a two faced bitch that plays games and if she ever wants to get back together, she is a liar because she has left me twice. I think I will be fine in the emotion department considering I have dealt with worse from her. It is just a game of logic over emotion and I am glad that I tend to use my head more. I am in no way using her since I was up front with her about just flinging and she gave no signs of disagreeing. She knows exactly what my intentions are and I personally don't care to know hers since she flip flops on everything over night. But just to keep you guys updated, I took some initiative and told her today that I am coming over tomorrow to **** her. She didn't decline the self invite either so I think I got this. The only issue I see coming is that I get there and she has either changed her mind. In which case I will lay the game skills on her and if those fail I will just leave this chick in the past and move on. I think BUOGS's advice is perfect in my situation given that I really do not see an alternative. She obviously doesn't want to go out with me and just ignoring her and moving on would be a dumb decision if she will still put out in the mean time. I will keep you guys posted on what goes down tomorrow.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay so I decided to take your advice a step forward and just flat out text her asking if she wanted to fling for a few months. I made sure to say that I understand she wants no relationship nor a future with me but we could just be friends and have sex since we have nothing to lose. I mainly just wanted to see what her response was and to my amazement she seemed very interested.

That's amazing. An ex is an ex for a reason. Getting back together for an improved relationship is one thing, but FWB is quite another.

If my ex asked me this, I'd say yes to him and screw with his head (and only that). Asking her this is completely disrespectful, IMO. Why don't you just drop her and find a new girl? Why drag each other through the e-muck?

[AnnonymousMan]

That's amazing. An ex is an ex for a reason. Getting back together for an improved relationship is one thing, but FWB is quite another.

If my ex asked me this, I'd say yes to him and screw with his head (and only that). Asking her this is completely disrespectful, IMO. Why don't you just drop her and find a new girl? Why drag each other through the e-muck?

Mess with his head? Good i'll keep this in mind in case she tries this shit on me.

[Wakeup]

I took some initiative and told her today that I am coming over tomorrow to **** her.

You caved first. You told her to call you when she wanted to hook up and you ddidn't even last a day before you were initiating. She doesn't have to work at all to get you.

If she lets you do her, you'll do her once and then she'll ignore you again until you're the one asking for it again... You're on your first fk from being wrapped around HER little finger.

You shouldn't go now. You should just completely ignore her until she contacts you.. and when/if she does. You should just keep ignoring her so that you can get over the bitter taste in your mouth and find a decent chick who'll bed you without gaming you.

[IndiReloaded]

Mess with his head? Good i'll keep this in mind in case she tries this shit on me.

It's not shit. You don't even understand why its disrespectful, do you? You sound like a tard, AM. Though, in fairness to you, it sounds like she chasing you, so whatever. Like attracts like, I guess.

What is the problem with finding a girl you actually like to have sex with?

[AnnonymousMan]

You caved first. You told her to call you when she wanted to hook up and you ddidn't even last a day before you were initiating. She doesn't have to work at all to get you.

If she lets you do her, you'll do her once and then she'll ignore you again until you're the one asking for it again... You're on your first fk from being wrapped around HER little finger.

You shouldn't go now. You should just completely ignore her until she contacts you.. and when/if she does. You should just keep ignoring her so that you can get over the bitter taste in your mouth and find a decent chick who'll bed you without gaming you.

I get what you mean. Tell me more about this 'power struggle' bull. It sounds like I don't have good insight on this. I do think you are a bit to worried on this whole controlling thing.

[AnnonymousMan]

It's not shit. You don't even understand why its disrespectful, do you? You sound like a tard, AM. Though, in fairness to you, it sounds like she chasing you, so whatever. Like attracts like, I guess.

What is the problem with finding a girl you actually like to have sex with?

I do like sex with my ex. I almost feel it is the only thing we were ever good at. She is under full knowledge of my intentions so I do not possibly see how I am coming off as a bad guy. Neither of us are villains per say, I would just say that we have reached a mutual understanding even though Wakeup feels she is trying to power struggle with me.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, as I said, if you are both into it then okay. But really, why deal with the baggage? How about finding a girl you both like and enjoy sex with. Seems to me you are wasting time going nowhere when you could be putting your energy into finding someone compatible.

Assuming you want this. If you only want sex and not the BS of a relationship, shrug.

[Wakeup]

I get what you mean. Tell me more about this 'power struggle' bull. It sounds like I don't have good insight on this. I do think you are a bit to worried on this whole controlling thing.

I'm going to quote some advice you gave someone else in another thread Am.. I think it applies to you, yourself:

I would make a decision on whether you really want to make things work or if you need to permanently leave forever. Stop leaving and then coming back. Goodluck.

There are plenty of women that will have casual sex with you that you haven't a history of being on and off with. Why not try one of them? Let your ex stay an ex. Why not stop talking to her altogether and quit giving her the ego boost that your attention gives her? JMNSHO.

[AnnonymousMan]

Update: So I get off the phone with my ex today and it turns out I finally got my answer to everything. She hardly ever cries or comes out and tells me anything from the heart but she shocked me on the phone. I began talking about things one final time (Yes im a moron, what else is new) since I wanted to give this chick a final verdict... I was dead serious this time and she could tell by how I acted and sounded because I really wanted to get my point across. I never went through with the fling and decided that it would probably be best if I took the high road and ignored her forever and not stoop to her level by playing silly child games. I also knew I would probably regret not anger banging her but I will get over it. Any who, the final decision was I was stepping away from her forever and for her to never contact me again. Before I even got close to getting any of this out she began crying and opening up on the phone. I will stress again that this is incredibly rare she opens up like this. Basically she confessed she has a terrible view on relationships in general and is scared. Great, now I feel like the prick who was going to use her. She isn't a liar persey so I believe her. She is just known to have mood shifts and go against things she says which is probably more annoying than a lie. I feel like I am most likely the cause of this as our almost 2 year relationship was not the best and that dude who used her after she left me. I think she might have a bitter taste in her mouth over relationships period. I highly doubt she is attention seeking on this since she never acts this way, even when mood shifting or playing games. Since I do care about her as a person I think I will offer her some good advice, not for my sake, but for her own. It is at the very least, nice to know why she "Played" me. But I don't know, opinions? Go ahead and criticize.

[Wakeup]

Stop talking to her for christ sakes. She is a chick who does not know what she wants. A chick who does not have a sense of self and what she wants out of life is THE worst person in the world to want to be trying to form a decent relationship with. Let her cry and let her do it so you don't see it or hear it so that you get to the point of indifference to her and her boarderline personality issues.

STOP the insanity for gawds sales, dude... she poured her heart out to you before and then changed her effing mind the next day. Call it a day with her and put her on complete ignore. Anyting less and I'll have to direct you to codependents annoymousman.