Feeling betrayed

[TablesandChairs]

OP, it's your decision to make. But a few things to consider. This man is 30. Never had a serious relationship. That's one thing. But his mum buys him clothes and lays them out for him...she probably makes his lunch and does his laundry too. This is something he has allowed - even if I lived with my parents at that age, I'd insist on being as independent as possible as not to feel like some idiot child.

Obviously he has little clue as to how to take a relationship seriously; like Michelle suggested, it seems like he got an ego boost out of being with you and has decided to take that show to the road and try his luck.

I'm not saying what he did has to be the end of the world...but given his lack of experience, immaturity, mommy-boy tendencies and need to have his ego stroked...you risk getting into a relationship with a teenager.

[TheEvilJester]

I'm a patient person. I accept why he did it and I suppose it makes me weak but I almost feel more for what his needs are than my own.

The others, I think, have done a great job of addressing the rest of your follow-up. However, I felt this needed to be addressed. In my personal view, "weak" is darn near a bad word, and one I do not allow to enter my vocabulary.

Let me put it this way.... You are NOT weak because you are willing to give somebody a second chance. In fact, I would beg to differ. That, in my personal view, makes you VERY strong. Why? Because you are willing to suffer through the doubts, the paranoia, the mistrust, and give him a chance to prove worthy of you. That does NOT make you weak. It would be SO much easier to just break it off and not have to worry about it.

However, you have reason to believe that you and he may truly have something special, so you are being very courageous in fighting for that.

If you were stuck in an abusive and unappreciative relationship and yet STILL refused to free yourself of the situation, then perhaps that is weakness. He made one mistake, for which you were willing to give him another chance. You even said yourself that it would be over if he screws up again. That, my friend, is not weakness. I say good for you. Do not ever mistake being an awesome person for being weak.

[Wakeup]

Let me put it this way.... You are NOT weak because you are willing to give somebody a second chance. In fact, I would beg to differ. That, in my personal view, makes you VERY strong. Why? Because you are willing to suffer through the doubts, the paranoia, the mistrust, and give him a chance to prove worthy of you. That does NOT make you weak.

No.. it makes her codependent and without personal convictions enough to leave a mere seven month relationship where he's already shown her what he's capable of.

[michelle23]

Op get some counselling. Men are gonna walk all over you and hurt you for the rest of your life if you dont grow a pair and realize now what your worth. Life is too short to waste precious time on the wrong person. He has shown you a very real red flag, a big warning sign..

This may not happen again until your ten years married with a mortgage and 4kids but reality is he has shown you he is lacking in integrity so whether its a month, 6months, a year, ten years-you will always have to watch your back..

Honestly I would see this as a blessing in disguise. Your not married, no kids, no financial ties. It should be so easy to say screw you, I deserve better but your turning a blind eye and choosing to ignore the issue.

If you insist on staying with him-he needs therapy and then you both need couples therapy to ensure this NEVER happens again. But is it really worth all that work and effort after only 7months together? Up to you

[urbandecay]

I'm not codependent. I have self worth.

At the same time humans are humans. We make mistakes. Maybe I'm more tolerant to a persons shortcomings.

7 months may appear to be nothing to some. But when it comes to love, people don't get to numerous years of marriage without hitting a bump in the road and resolving it. Forgiveness being a key ingredient to a relationship.

Final words: it's been forgiven. Whatever opinions on my character you may make is fine. However If it happens again, or I'm let down again... He's gone without a word. Simple.

[michelle23]

Well 6 years and counting for me and nothing so far to forgive. Hes the man I will marry. I am so glad I got rid of my cheating ex after 8months so I could move on and find this beautiful person I am with now.

[Wakeup]

I'm not codependent. I have self worth.

At the same time humans are humans. We make mistakes. Maybe I'm more tolerant to a persons shortcomings.

7 months may appear to be nothing to some. But when it comes to love, people don't get to numerous years of marriage without hitting a bump in the road and resolving it. Forgiveness being a key ingredient to a relationship.

Final words: it's been forgiven. Whatever opinions on my character you may make is fine. However If it happens again, or I'm let down again... He's gone without a word. Simple.

Well, what if it happens when it's five, six, seven years down the road when the new relationship energy is really gone now. You were still in the honeymoon stage when he set himself up to meet strange. What excuse will you come up with then when you feel you've invested so much in your union.

By forgiving him you've given him absolutely no consequences for his actions. People who don't suffer consequences for their actions often repeat them.

You have little self-worth if you'd forgive him for pre-meditatedly planning on cheating on you.

I highly doubt that he hasn't done this on someone else in his dating adventures.

Good luck in any event.

[TheEvilJester]

No.. it makes her codependent and without personal convictions enough to leave a mere seven month relationship where he's already shown her what he's capable of.

I definitely get your point. I don't necessarily agree, though, that it makes her codependent to give him a second chance after ONE mistake. Though his mistake was one that could be seen as unforgiveable, he hadn't actually entered into a relationship with anybody else. So, it isn't necessarily a mistake from which the relationship could not recover. If the behavior constantly continues and yet she still refuses to leave him, THEN I'd say that may mean she is codependent. She's said herself that she won't tolerate another mistake. If she really means, only she knows for sure.

That said, I do have to agree with you and with what many others have said. It doesn't really exactly bode well for his trustworthiness in the future. If he could do this while you were still basically in the "honeymoon stage," what is going to happen months or a year or two down the road when the newness and excitement of the relationship wears off?

Either way, good luck. I hope it works out for the best for you, whether that means winding up with him or not.