She rejected me but I still love her

[TheEvilJester]

Her being cold toward you may just be her having a bit of a difficult time adjusting to the news that you like her as more than a friend. As far as that goes, I would just say have a little patience and just proceed however you were planning to anyway. In other words, if you wanted to try to keep being friends as always, proceed just like that and give her time to see that everything can go back to normal. If you felt you may need some time, even if only a short amount, away from her to try to make sense of your feelings so you CAN go back to being just friends, then do that anyway.

I have to admit that this is an area where I have to remind my own self not to jump to conclusions. I've had way too extensive a history of letting the wrong people in to the point where I DO NOT trust easily these days. So, when somebody sort of "goes cold" on me like this, my gut reaction is sort of "F you, then I don't need you in my life anyway." In some circumstances, I have to remind myself to take a step back and realize not everybody is going to just leave you for no reason.

So, in this case, there may actually be an explanation for her seeming a bit cold and distant. She may not mean to do it, but it can be a little hard adjusting to something like this. If, in time, this cold attitude toward you doesn't change or even gets worse, then, yeah... I'd say forget her then. Because, as much as it would hurt being around her as only a friend when you want it to be more..... it would hurt even worse being around her when she treats you like garbage. You don't deserve that.

I still think my advice would be to initially give yourself some distance from her anyway, just for a little while. Hopefully, once you felt in a better place to go back to being just friends with her as well, the time would also have allowed her to calm back down and realize she doesn't want to lose you as a friend if it can be prevented. Good luck to you.

As I've said, and as the others have said as well.... Maybe it turns out that she is not the one for you after all. It would have been great if she was, but it looks like maybe that is not in the cards for you..... BUT that does NOT mean that you won't find love. That means SHE is not the right one. It means "the right one" is still out there looking for you. So, though I know it is very hard.... don't stop looking for her.

Good luck, friend.

[AT95]

Her being cold toward you may just be her having a bit of a difficult time adjusting to the news that you like her as more than a friend. As far as that goes, I would just say have a little patience and just proceed however you were planning to anyway. In other words, if you wanted to try to keep being friends as always, proceed just like that and give her time to see that everything can go back to normal. If you felt you may need some time, even if only a short amount, away from her to try to make sense of your feelings so you CAN go back to being just friends, then do that anyway.

I have to admit that this is an area where I have to remind my own self not to jump to conclusions. I've had way too extensive a history of letting the wrong people in to the point where I DO NOT trust easily these days. So, when somebody sort of "goes cold" on me like this, my gut reaction is sort of "F you, then I don't need you in my life anyway." In some circumstances, I have to remind myself to take a step back and realize not everybody is going to just leave you for no reason.

So, in this case, there may actually be an explanation for her seeming a bit cold and distant. She may not mean to do it, but it can be a little hard adjusting to something like this. If, in time, this cold attitude toward you doesn't change or even gets worse, then, yeah... I'd say forget her then. Because, as much as it would hurt being around her as only a friend when you want it to be more..... it would hurt even worse being around her when she treats you like garbage. You don't deserve that.

I still think my advice would be to initially give yourself some distance from her anyway, just for a little while. Hopefully, once you felt in a better place to go back to being just friends with her as well, the time would also have allowed her to calm back down and realize she doesn't want to lose you as a friend if it can be prevented. Good luck to you.

As I've said, and as the others have said as well.... Maybe it turns out that she is not the one for you after all. It would have been great if she was, but it looks like maybe that is not in the cards for you..... BUT that does NOT mean that you won't find love. That means SHE is not the right one. It means "the right one" is still out there looking for you. So, though I know it is very hard.... don't stop looking for her.

Good luck, friend.

Ok, so I'll give it a chance one more week and if it doesn't change I quit. I'm so confused and hurt, it cant go on like this

[TheEvilJester]

I know the feeling, believe me. And, really, you did nothing wrong so you don't deserve to be made to feel that way. So, yeah, if it doesn't change then take your distance. Maybe that distance can be temporary, maybe it will need to be permanent. It's okay if she doesn't like you in the same way. She isn't obligated to like you. But it's not okay to treat you like you've done anything wrong just because you did like her as more than a friend. If you were a jerk to her about it when it turned out she didn't feel the same way... that would be different.

Again, maybe (and hopefully) she's just having a bit of a hard time adjusting to it. That can happen. It can be equally hard on both parties when this happens. There may be part of her worrying that by remaining friends with you she'd only be making it harder on you. There may be part of her worried that this will change or even potentially end your friendship. Thing is, that is exactly what WILL happen if she keeps acting this way. All you can do is hope she just needs time to adjust to the idea and that things can then go back to normal for her. But, again, at that point you still need to decide if you can be okay remaining just friends, or if it would be better for you if you just part ways amicably.

Good luck to you. I hope this ends for the best for both of you, in whatever way that turns out to be in the end.

[Hooo!]

I will introduce you to the 120% rule

if you have given 100% of your passion and love to a certain female and it goes unanswered
you can give it another 20%

if that doesnt work then shes just not worth it. Noone is worth 120% of your uniterrupted intention and love.


Also google the story of "a beautiful heart" about a young man boasting about his beautiful perfect heart
and about the old man with his torn and bruised heart. It applies here.

[AT95]

I know the feeling, believe me. And, really, you did nothing wrong so you don't deserve to be made to feel that way. So, yeah, if it doesn't change then take your distance. Maybe that distance can be temporary, maybe it will need to be permanent. It's okay if she doesn't like you in the same way. She isn't obligated to like you. But it's not okay to treat you like you've done anything wrong just because you did like her as more than a friend. If you were a jerk to her about it when it turned out she didn't feel the same way... that would be different.

Again, maybe (and hopefully) she's just having a bit of a hard time adjusting to it. That can happen. It can be equally hard on both parties when this happens. There may be part of her worrying that by remaining friends with you she'd only be making it harder on you. There may be part of her worried that this will change or even potentially end your friendship. Thing is, that is exactly what WILL happen if she keeps acting this way. All you can do is hope she just needs time to adjust to the idea and that things can then go back to normal for her. But, again, at that point you still need to decide if you can be okay remaining just friends, or if it would be better for you if you just part ways amicably.

Good luck to you. I hope this ends for the best for both of you, in whatever way that turns out to be in the end.

Well, yesterday when we meet I kinda ignored her and when she noticed that she came to me and asked me what's going on and why do I act like I dont want to talk to her anymore,
I told her that for the last few days I feel like she lost interest in me so I also decided to take a distance from her for a little bit not to get things worse
and she said that it has nothing to do with that and we kind of separated.
At the end of the day she told me that she doesnt like to see me like this and I gave her a hug and apolegized for being stupid (I could not leave things like that)
and we didnt talk since than.
Now, I'm not gonna see her until next monday, should I message her or it is better to wait and let the waves calm down?
I really want to talk to her but I am not sure if thats the right thing to do right now. (I forgot to mention that we work together)

and yeah, about your question I want to keep her as my friend...

[Hooo!]

I want to keep her as my friend...

you really want that?
i think you are lying to yourself

[AT95]

you really want that?
i think you are lying to yourself

why do you think so?

[Hooo!]

because you want to be her lover not her friend

thats like saying you want to keep that steak in your fridge and not eat it.

its like saying. oh wow a beer. Id like to keep it in the fridge totally

and thats just not true.

you do yourself a disservice by not being authentic

maybe she is distancing herself because you do not advance? maybe she is loosing interest becaue you do not physically get together.
Maybe she is losing interest because you are showing none other than verbal attention.
And maybe she is just not attracted to you yet.

i do not see how this changes what you do.
You are authentic. You want to seduce her.
You dont need to verbalise that. Sometimes thats a good idea sometimes thats a bad idea.
If you tell her you love her thats probably a bad idea right now.
If you tell her you think she is very attractive and youd like to **** her brains out some day then that is probably a better idea.
and i mean that quite literally.

The problem here is that you are insecure and not manly. You are not communicating your manliness to her.
How is she supposed to fall for you, if you are that insecure guy who goes all cold with her because she spoke less to you over the last 3 days.
Well maybe she is on her period or something.
Why do you even bother?

if you are into her then you seduce her.
and you stay doing that. you are CONGRUANT in what you do.
and being congruant is very attractive to women.

[AT95]

because you want to be her lover not her friend

thats like saying you want to keep that steak in your fridge and not eat it.

its like saying. oh wow a beer. Id like to keep it in the fridge totally

and thats just not true.

you do yourself a disservice by not being authentic

maybe she is distancing herself because you do not advance? maybe she is loosing interest becaue you do not physically get together.
Maybe she is losing interest because you are showing none other than verbal attention.
And maybe she is just not attracted to you yet.

i do not see how this changes what you do.
You are authentic. You want to seduce her.
You dont need to verbalise that. Sometimes thats a good idea sometimes thats a bad idea.
If you tell her you love her thats probably a bad idea right now.
If you tell her you think she is very attractive and youd like to **** her brains out some day then that is probably a better idea.
and i mean that quite literally.

The problem here is that you are insecure and not manly. You are not communicating your manliness to her.
How is she supposed to fall for you, if you are that insecure guy who goes all cold with her because she spoke less to you over the last 3 days.
Well maybe she is on her period or something.
Why do you even bother?

if you are into her then you seduce her.
and you stay doing that. you are CONGRUANT in what you do.
and being congruant is very attractive to women.

Well, in the past she used to tell me alot about her ex who lately started messaging her that he is really sorry for breaking up with her and etc
and whenever we were talking she always mentioned other guys that she like,
(Not sure if she was doing that to make me jealous or she just felt comfartable to share it with me as a friend)
and I never made a big deal out of it and never told her to stop talking around me about other guys,
but anyway, for now I dont see any reason to continue seducing her and hoping that maybe one day she will be with me
because it doesn't look like it's gonna happen' and it will only hurt me more.

I know that maybe I'm blind to the situation and that it is weird that I still like her
but really I feel lost

[pcmaster]

Being friends with ex ussualy comes from wanting to control her or not able to accept rejection. So yeah you are just beating a dead horse here by wanting to be her your friend.

Im not saying I dont understand how it is to want be friends with girl you like or liked. But I think its not rational. Especialy because you like her and her talking about other guys will make your balls fall off. Take care of your balls man.

[TheEvilJester]

For now, space is probably for the best. So, I would say my suggestion would be not to talk to her. I'm not saying you be blatantly rude and ignore her if you two happen to see each other at work or whatever, I'm just saying don't go out of your way to talk to her. A polite nod or a quick "hello" and nothing more.

I'd like to say I disagree with the others, but I unfortunately have to agree. Maybe not fully, but at least in that I think it sounds to me personally like you'd be better off not to remain friends with her. Again, that doesn't mean you can't be friendly, but just it is probably best not to remain actively friends. At least unless there comes a time when you can truly fully accept that without some part of you just wanting it to be more.

But, again, we are not you. We can't tell you how to live your life. So, if that is an unacceptable solution for you, then at the very least take some time to let both you and her adjust to the idea before you go back to being friends. If then it seems to work for you both, then great. If not, then deal with that when it happens. As I always say... good luck to you.

[AT95]

For now, space is probably for the best. So, I would say my suggestion would be not to talk to her. I'm not saying you be blatantly rude and ignore her if you two happen to see each other at work or whatever, I'm just saying don't go out of your way to talk to her. A polite nod or a quick "hello" and nothing more.

I'd like to say I disagree with the others, but I unfortunately have to agree. Maybe not fully, but at least in that I think it sounds to me personally like you'd be better off not to remain friends with her. Again, that doesn't mean you can't be friendly, but just it is probably best not to remain actively friends. At least unless there comes a time when you can truly fully accept that without some part of you just wanting it to be more.

But, again, we are not you. We can't tell you how to live your life. So, if that is an unacceptable solution for you, then at the very least take some time to let both you and her adjust to the idea before you go back to being friends. If then it seems to work for you both, then great. If not, then deal with that when it happens. As I always say... good luck to you.

I've already accepted the fact that we will never be together..
I still really love her and it does hurt but **** it,
my main goal now is gonna be to keep our friendship alive

[pcmaster]

I understand that you need friends but its better to have male friends or girls that you dont like sexually. Otherwise you are just clinging to a girl.
Keeping contact with girl with who you havent moved on only makes it longer to move on and holds you back for longer to find another love.

When you are lonely you can fall in love easy and in anyone. But having good friends would make you much stronger and independent with girls. Thats something you can work on with. Also its easy to move on when you have friends to talk to about this stuff or just hang out with and have a great time without girls.

But of course you wont listen to anyone and still want her to be your "friend".

[AT95]

I understand that you need friends but its better to have male friends or girls that you dont like sexually. Otherwise you are just clinging to a girl.
Keeping contact with girl with who you havent moved on only makes it longer to move on and holds you back for longer to find another love.

When you are lonely you can fall in love easy and in anyone. But having good friends would make you much stronger and independent with girls. Thats something you can work on with. Also its easy to move on when you have friends to talk to about this stuff or just hang out with and have a great time without girls.

But of course you wont listen to anyone and still want her to be your "friend".

- I have friends it has nothing to do with that.. and it doesn't really change anything
cuz at the end of the day I'm the one who has to deal with it not them and I dont share with them too much information about her anyway.

- It doesn't keep me back from anything,
as I mentioned in the previous post I've already accepted the fact that our friendship wont go any further than it is now but we are still friends.

I'm just not that type of guy who will stop talking to a girl only because she doesn't feel towards me the same as I feel to her
but I'm also not an idiot and I have my limits.

[TheEvilJester]

I can definitely relate. I, myself, am perfectly capable of being just friends with a woman even if, at some point, I had maybe wanted it to be more. This is because the same aspects in a woman that make her somebody I want as a friend are often the same aspects that make me want to date her. So, to me personally, it isn't necessarily that hard to accept it if a relationship is unlikely and instead just be friends. Not always, anyway. Sure, it can be harder at times. In general, though, if somebody is a good person, then they are somebody I want in my life regardless of in what form.

So, if I thought I saw qualities in a woman that made me develop a crush on her.... they'd likely be qualities I'd also want in a friend. (As a matter of fact, semi-related side note: Though I certainly have always wanted to find love, I've also kind of always wanted a girl best buddy. Like the kind of thing you sometimes see in movies/TV where a guy and gal have known each other their whole lives so they basically feel like they are brother and sister even though they aren't actually related.)

It is certainly possible, it's just that is really more the exception than the norm. Not everybody can do that. If you sincerely can, then that is awesome. Then I hope you two can go back to being friends, and that eventually you find love with somebody else.

Of course, for that to even have a chance of happening, she also has to give you that opportunity. Hopefully her coldness proves to be temporary and she gives you the chance to go back to being friends. Even more so, though, I hope you find the love you are looking for, whether that winds up being in her or if it turns out to be somebody else. Good luck, friend.