It is childish, but she is acting like a child. I tried a star chart for myself because it gave me a visual sense of achievement. It failed when I tried working again ( i have found I don't have the head space to cope with work, our son and the housework. Plus I was working for jerks).

Your situation seems a lot like mine and hubby's. We had been together only 7 months before I fell pregnant. I guess the main difference is our boy has never been well (6 weeks premmie, 11.5 weeks in hospital, total of 6 mths on O2, total of 12 mths on a feeding tube) and was diagnosed with autism at age 4. If we want the best chance for our boy, splitting up isn't an option. That lack of option has made both of us work harder at keeping things fair.

Not trying to place the blame in your corner, but maybe, just maybe, you've killed her motivation to do her best by proving that you won't stick around. Maybe, just maybe, she feels you don't completely accept her as she is and it may give her a "why bother?" attitude? Just a suggestion....