Should I be concerned?

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Would you be concerned if you were me or am I making something out of nothing? I'll try to sum it up...I have been dating my BF for 1.5 years. We are both divorced. Me once, him twice. We each have one child. His first ex is the mother of his child. He has no kids with ex number 2, but she has been trying like crazy to break us up. They were divorced for 4 years before I met him but they had seen each other at a funeral one month before he and I met. Seeing him stirred up feelings for her and she started texting him. He ignored her texts because he says he wants nothing to do with her and that she caused nothing but misery in his life.

About 4 months into our relationship, she apparently grew tired of him ignoring her so she moved on to me and started sending me horrible messages with terrible accusations about my BF. I have absolutely no reason to believe that any of these accusations are true, but the fact that she found out my name and found me online and made all this effort to contact me really shook me up. I never responded to any of her messages and I took every step that I could to block her from contacting me again. She found another way to contact me again a few months later. I took more actions to block and I haven't heard from her since.

I asked him if he knew how she got information about me and he said he had no idea, but he does have a guy's night out once per month with some of her family members so I asked him if he would break ties with her family just to ensure that she doesn't have any way of getting information about me, him or our relationship. He said he enjoyed the guys night too much and didn't want to give it up and that even if he did give it up it wouldn't necessarily mean that she would stop her antics. Ok, fine. I've never been one to try to tell somebody what they can or cannot do.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We are in a room in his basement where he does not go very often and i find a framed wedding photo of them. Now the photo is face-down under a pile of books, so I assumed that he had forgotten it was even there. The only problem is that now I know he knows it is there and he still hasn't gotten rid of it. When I asked him if he was going to get rid of it his response was "What's the big deal? it's face down under a pile of books, it's not like I look at it." That response kind of took me by surprise because it seemed like he was making excuses for keeping it.

Now, here's the thing. I know we both of have pasts and that cannot be changed. I have met his first ex. I have spoken to her. I have no problem with her. He has met my ex and shook his hand. These people are the other parents of our children so they have to be in our lives to some extent.

He does not have any kids or any reason to have any ties to ex number 2. In fact, he has told me multiple, multiple times that all she did was cause misery in his life and he wishes he could get the marriage annulled and pretend like it never happened. He says he just tries to forget that whole period of his life.

So here's my question....if you are trying so hard to forget, why are you still hanging out with her family and keeping framed wedding photos? Actions are not matching words and it has me a little worried.

[oldskool83]

1st why does she has your number, 2nd if there are not ties i feel there is no reason to talk with, 3rd she is either jelious or would like to be with him (or at least hump him once more saddly). Seems like there is a lot of stress on your part and you have taken actions to ask him to stop contact with past family. not sure how long he was friends with them or what his guys night out consists of, maybe i could be more of a grilling thing at your house so you san see hes not doing anything shady. I dont really see any shadyness going on from what you have said. The wedding photo is long over due to be gotten rid of. I wonder if hes holding on it because of some odd reason?

I am divorced, i dont have wedding pics, i think im my lifes photo album there are a few pics of ex wife and i, ex gf and i but my reason for letting a few around was only because i was at some cool places.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Thanks for the response. She doesn't have my number...that I know of. She contacted me by sending me a message through Facebook. I deleted her message and blocked her. She then created a new profile so that she could message me again. I blocked that one too and then did a little more looking into Facebook security and found a setting that allows only people I am friends with to send me messages. I haven't hear from her since.

I also wanted to block her number from being able to get through on my phone, just in case she looked it up. In order to do that I had to have her phone number. My BF was hesitant to give me her number because I thought I was going to call her, which I would never do. He did end up giving me her number and I have her blocked on my phone now.

I don't think there is anything shady going on at the guy's night....I just think that her family has passed along information about our relationship to her and she used it as ammunition in her messages to me, trying to make me believe that she knew this information because she had contact with him. His behavior is not shady and I have no reason to believe that I need to question his whereabouts so I do not believe that he has spent any time with her. I think she is an unstable, jealous ex who is trying to cause trouble and I want no part of it.

You said "The wedding photo is long over due to be gotten rid of. I wonder if hes holding on it because of some odd reason?"

I agree....I wonder if he is holding onto it because he still has feelings of attachment to her. That is my whole problem.

[oldskool83]

reverse thinking. Ask him to get some nice phots taken with you so he can hang up or put where he works or somthing. if he refuse theres an issue, a sane male will not bark at that request.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

He has pictures of me & us all over his house and at his office. I guess I am making a big deal of nothing, huh?

[oldskool83]

possibly yes then.if he wouldn spend time talking or texting her a lot then i'd say there may be a problem but it does'nt sound like anything really an issue. you will know in time if you continue to date him.