Should I be concerned?

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Would you be concerned if you were me or am I making something out of nothing? I'll try to sum it up...I have been dating my BF for 1.5 years. We are both divorced. Me once, him twice. We each have one child. His first ex is the mother of his child. He has no kids with ex number 2, but she has been trying like crazy to break us up. They were divorced for 4 years before I met him but they had seen each other at a funeral one month before he and I met. Seeing him stirred up feelings for her and she started texting him. He ignored her texts because he says he wants nothing to do with her and that she caused nothing but misery in his life.

About 4 months into our relationship, she apparently grew tired of him ignoring her so she moved on to me and started sending me horrible messages with terrible accusations about my BF. I have absolutely no reason to believe that any of these accusations are true, but the fact that she found out my name and found me online and made all this effort to contact me really shook me up. I never responded to any of her messages and I took every step that I could to block her from contacting me again. She found another way to contact me again a few months later. I took more actions to block and I haven't heard from her since.

I asked him if he knew how she got information about me and he said he had no idea, but he does have a guy's night out once per month with some of her family members so I asked him if he would break ties with her family just to ensure that she doesn't have any way of getting information about me, him or our relationship. He said he enjoyed the guys night too much and didn't want to give it up and that even if he did give it up it wouldn't necessarily mean that she would stop her antics. Ok, fine. I've never been one to try to tell somebody what they can or cannot do.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We are in a room in his basement where he does not go very often and i find a framed wedding photo of them. Now the photo is face-down under a pile of books, so I assumed that he had forgotten it was even there. The only problem is that now I know he knows it is there and he still hasn't gotten rid of it. When I asked him if he was going to get rid of it his response was "What's the big deal? it's face down under a pile of books, it's not like I look at it." That response kind of took me by surprise because it seemed like he was making excuses for keeping it.

Now, here's the thing. I know we both of have pasts and that cannot be changed. I have met his first ex. I have spoken to her. I have no problem with her. He has met my ex and shook his hand. These people are the other parents of our children so they have to be in our lives to some extent.

He does not have any kids or any reason to have any ties to ex number 2. In fact, he has told me multiple, multiple times that all she did was cause misery in his life and he wishes he could get the marriage annulled and pretend like it never happened. He says he just tries to forget that whole period of his life.

So here's my question....if you are trying so hard to forget, why are you still hanging out with her family and keeping framed wedding photos? Actions are not matching words and it has me a little worried.

[Cerby]

Your post started out so sane, and then the crazy just seemed to start to squeak in there. It might be odd that he has guys night and some of her family members are there. But if she isn't, and he made solid bonds with these guys, then that is his "guy" time, and you're right, you really can't put a cap on that. If they're relaying information to his ex, that might be different, but I see no way of validating that.

As for the photo, it IS a part of his past, and crappy or not, a picture to something that reflects that. I'd never ask my gf to throw away pictures - wedding pictures or other, just because of who the person is. He clearly doesn't care, it is face down under a pile of books, it's not like he has a shrine to her hidden away.

I think you might be concerned over nothing. When you date a person with 2 ex-marriages there are some things you're just going to have to accept.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

LOL (about the crazy part) ...thanks. I appreciate your honesty and you are probably right.