Looking for Womens opinion on breakup/situation:

[cjk722]

Ok, looking for some ladies' opinions here - may be a slightly long post to give a better grip of the situation...

So, ex and I broke up a month ago after a 3 year relationship. Was not "ugly" breakup in terms of no screaming/yelling/cheating, etc. Just she felt like there were "little things" she needed to get from the relationship that she was not getting (more phone time, more I love yous, wasn't feeling fully appreciated, etc.). Basically I "fought" for her for a few weeks as she stated she loved me, but her feelings had changed, felt like it would take an "act of god" for them to come back + needs some space. I had just bought a house for us to both live in 2 months prior, and taken a new job to support said house, it's been a fairly hectic couple of months. I told her/apologized to er that if she was feeling a distance the past couple of moths it was just that I had been distracted with the house/job issues.

Marriage discussion had started and we both absolutely wanted it. I had told her however that with the house/job not being settled I just was not ready "right now" to be engaged, however there was NO DOUBT that I wanted her to be my wife. I in fact had a ring, which I ultimately wound up showing to her as a "this is how serious I am/was about us" 2 weeks after the breakup. I still never really got a "reason" for the breakup, other than she felt pushed too far + felt her feelings had chained.

I would like to add - as an aside; that she has an awful relationship with her father (very, "unloving" and cold essentially), her parents are in a loveless marriage, and she has/had depression/anxiety issues. Also I am 28, she is 26 (27 in June).

Basically we had left it off with me telling her that I loved her, asked her to just pray for herself/us, and that I would not bother her any further and would see her at a wedding in April for a mutual friend. That this "chapter" for us may be done, but there was still more of our story to be told. We parted with each of us saying we loved each other, and kissing/hugging for about a half hour. She mentioned how her pup/family missed me, and how she missed a few of my close fiends. Since then, just short of a month now, we've been in NC.

Now in my mind; we are finished. Obviously in my heart im not quite ready to let go, especially considering her saying that I had so many things she always wanted in a relationship, but some of the little things she needs are just missing. That she felt 'screwed' either way - couldn't imagine ever being with someone else/losing me, but was not 100% happy. In speaking with mutual friends who know her very well, basically there impression is she is not sure of what she wants, and thinks a "perfect" relationship exists.


For now, I'm trying hard to move on/forget, and I'm sure sure she is doing the same. We obviously, an I have no doubt on her behalf, still love each other.

Now, we WILL be together again at a wedding April 29th. My question is, I'm really not sure how I should approach this... I told her a month ago (as she was crying asking if I was going to "act weird" to her at the wedding) that I planned on hugging her, kissing her, and asking her to dance with me.

Obviously in my HEART I'm looking at this wedding to have the potential for a "second chance", while in my MIND I know I should not be doing so. She had said a couple of times she felt relatively sure about er decision (break up) despite how much it hurt; wished me nothing but the best/happiest things in life.

SO! After that epic post, I was curious to get some feedback from the ladies (or, gentlemen) in here - I'm going to keep up with NC, but it is weird with this wedding on the horizon (not sure how to look at it/act toward her), and plus after that knowing I could most likely never hear from/talk to/see her again... Is tough to swallow; especially as we spent 3 good (albeit at times, rocky) years tougher, and were literally weeks from engagement...

[sweetkissesforu]

absense sometimes makes the heart grow fonder you will know when you see her

[80r]

I'm in a similar boat. My ex broke up with me for relatively minor reasons, but her 'feelings changed,' which apparently makes all the difference. We stopped talking, but we will see each other again next month, or the month following. I don't know if I should be hopeful or try to move on as I am insanely in love with her.

[cjk722]

Yea, it's a weird situation knowing that you will be forced to be in a social setting together where you *MUST* be cordial. To be honest, I hold no "ill will" against her, I love her very much and I know she loves me, but whatever she is/was feeling "wasn't right"(?!) I know she has family issues + ALWAYS compares me (well, and any boyfriend she's ever had) to her father, and once the marriage topic comes up, I can't blame her for getting nervous/worrying that her husband/marriage would turn into that of her parents. It's distressing, however, that despite the efforts I make to prove to her otherwise, she seems to always have doubts.

Would love more feedback from anyone on the forum(s) here; obviously there is much more to this story I could tell - but I'm really not sure what to do here. Its very strange knowing how much this entire thing bothers her... hell, she can't even renew the lease she has in her current apartment and is moving into the city because her current home holds entirely too many memories of us and she "has to get away".

Kinda feel like she's running away/forcing herself to bury feelings of me... :-/ . Ladies???????