Confused and Angry... Need Advice

[xareon]

I don't have a huge amount of time to spend on this as I am at work but I have told my story before here. My girlfriend and I of 1 year 3 months have been having problems lately. Well we have had problems from the beginning. I know that I am too nice of a guy and I have spoiled her as a girlfriend in the past. Over the last year she has broken up with me about 8 times and yet each time I know that she doesnt really want to break up, only recently did I realize that she was doing it to push my buttons.

This last month she has broken up with me twice. Both times I have stood my ground and not tried to get her back and she has come back in tears. I do know that maybe this "button pushing" is mostly subconcious/unintentional and she has issues that she is trying to work on, but every time she has done it my desire to get back with her has decreased. This last weekend I started smoking pot again with my best friend (which I had stopped for her) and really talked everything over. He has seen the abuse she gives me from the start, but only recently started getting through my thick, love sick skull.

Friday she sent me messages telling me that she wants to give me the chance to walk away, basically a nicer way of doing what she already was doing before. I pretty much started planning to break it off with her the next week and I didn't talk to her all weekend, and on sunday she sent me a bunch of messages about her being confused and wanting to stay with me. Then, while I was out she came over and left a paper with wedding vows that she had written for me. So I started having second thoughts... don't get me wrong, I still LOVE the girl and care for her happiness, even though I know that I can't marry her at this point and possably ever. So last night I called her and told her that we needed to meet on tuesday over dinner and really talk everything over and share exactly what we feel with each other and she agreed. This last week she's been the nicest shes been in weeks even though she still tried to pull the let me go thing and I can see her trying.

Now, something happened to really get me angry (something which I am not normally) she called me today at work and told me how a guy came into the office at the bank an hour and a half early for his appointment talked to her the entire time (shes a receptionist). She said it like it was just something that happened, so I didn't say anything except "oh neat" but why the hell do I need to know this, thats just not something you tell to your significant other unless you want to make them jealous. I totally took it to mean that either one she didn't like the guy but wants to use it to push my buttons, two she did like the guy and wants to use it to push my buttons, or three she made it up so she could push my buttons.

The thing is that she has done this before about 3 weeks ago, on my birthday no less. She invited me over to give me her gift which was really sweet but then right afterwards she starts talking about how her best friend Randy had just moved back into his parents house down the street from her. It seemed like all night thats all she wanted to talk about. She calls the guy a looser and someone she would never want to be with, but at the same time she kept going on about how much fun she used to have with him and how much he makes her laugh. Then she wanted me to go over to his house and meet him and I replied that I wasn't the one who wanted to go over there. Later after she started acting hurt I realized that it was a little shitty that I wouldn't even beleive her since I know that she doesn't have many friends and I should be a little more understanding.

Now I don't know what to think. I know that I can't be with her but I can see her trying (sometimes). I'm positive that she is bi-polar but that doesnt help how I'm feeling. I don't want to be with her. I love her to death and I want so badly for her to be happy, but I can't be with her. The problem I'm having is trying to tell her how I really feel because I am so confused and screwed up.

Ok I guess it was longer than I thought. I really need some help so anyone who has made it to this point thank you!

Tennyson

[shh!]

How old are you both? And what do you get out of putting up with all of her drama? (And that is a serious question; I am not trying to be nasty.)

[misombra]

i say 16-18.

[xareon]

I'm 22 and shes 18. I know that I'm much further along in my life than she is emotionally and mentallly, but I can't help love her for some f'ed up reason. Your question is the same I've been asking myself this last month, and I can't find very many reasons any more.

[misombra]

don't you think at 22 you should be having more mature relationships? also, what do you expect from an 18 year old? she's too young for you. go find somebody your own age.

[xareon]

I know... when I posted this it was mostly to vent. I know what must be done, I just am finding it hard to know how to... I've never been so angry at someone that I love.

[shh!]

I agree with misombra, you should consider moving on. Yes, you will feel bad for a while, but it sounds like you are outgrowing her, and she sounds very immature. Unless you are a drama junkie, I wouldn't invest more time.

[Ellynn]

Yeah whats up with all this back and forth? Breaking up with you and then trying to make up with you? Doesn't it get old? Then the fact that she constantly is trying to make you jealous.....and that is VERY immature of her. Obviously shes looking for attention.......and the wrong kind....

Move on. Shes immature and I doubt she will ever learn from her mistakes if you keep taking her back. Let her know that you dont put up with that sh*t and for once......DUMP her. Let her feel how it feels.....but then don't get back with her......ever again....

You can do better.....and find a WOMAN who doesn't play games like that.

[xareon]

Well... on the way over to her house last night I got into a car accedent... no body got hurt but I was really freaked out. So I went back home and I called her and told her how I felt (without telling her about the accedent) but in a lot nicer way than I would have before. I told her that her leaving me so much only made me think that she didn't want to be in the relationship, that I couldn't keep doing it. I told her that if she wanted to be with me she had to show me. If she couldn't find out how to do that then it wasn't meant to be. After that my phone died and she thought I had hung up on her. A few hours later she called me in tears. I have not heard her voice like that ever. She broke down on me and told me that she knew she was wrong... she didn't throw anything in my face. I told her that I would give her a second chance but if I saw us going back the way we were it would be over. I will give her one more chance to prove herself, if not I know now that my happiness is just as important as hers and if she cannot be happy with me and make me happy than it can't happen.

[cheazypeaz]

good on you mate.

and my girlfriend does that too.. 'oh i was talking to my x boyfriend today for hours' or i was talking to a friend at work who fancies me for an hour! .. i feel like saying, and why the hell do i want to know? do you fancy him or something...?

i said this once about one of the guys, just said why the hell do you go on about him so much? you sound like you want to make love to the guy, so why are you telling me? .. and she said she would never do anything like that ..

ahh no sweat.. lol

[Rob26]

good on you mate.

and my girlfriend does that too.. 'oh i was talking to my x boyfriend today for hours' or i was talking to a friend at work who fancies me for an hour! .. i feel like saying, and why the hell do i want to know? do you fancy him or something...?

i said this once about one of the guys, just said why the hell do you go on about him so much? you sound like you want to make love to the guy, so why are you telling me? .. and she said she would never do anything like that ..

ahh no sweat.. lol

Off the top of my head I would say that she's pleased by the attention (and was made happy by being made to feel desirable) but has no intention of doing anything about it other than sharing it with YOU, HER BEST FRIEND!

[cheazypeaz]

hehe, oh well.. jelously plays a part in my response.. if ya get me.