Having feelings for one girl while getting over another...

[soulsurvivor23]

How can I deal with that? There's a really great girl that i've been talking to for a few weeks now and I like her a lot. Beautiful, smart, funny, everything I could want in a girl, and she has feelings for me too. However, I haven't really made a significant move due to the fact that I still have really strong feelings for an ex. What am I supposed to do? I mean this is an ex where things are 150% over and no chance of reuniting, and yet I can't shake her from my mind. I really want to be able to let go and give this great girl a chance but I don't know how!

[WanderingAuthor]

There's something a good friend had once said to me that comes to mind on this issue. He essentially told me that you cannot bring 'baggage' into a new relationship if you can help it. That being said, I think that you need to take a little bit more time to clear your head of your ex before you can devote all of your caring and attention to this new potential relationship.

Honestly, if you know that your feelings for each other are mutual, it would not be a terrible idea to just tell her about your situation, should the opportunity present itself (ie, a date invitation, etc.)
Just tell her, "Look, I have feelings for you, but I need to take a little bit of time to sort things out before I can go any further into this," or something to that effect.

~Wandering Author

[thirdtimelucky]

Heaps of people might disagree with me but I think this is ok. I once finished with a very serious LTR and found a great girl right away so I just went for it. I remember at one point I was driving to see the new girl, very excited and a sad song came on the radio I thought of the ex, started getting upset and changed the station. Then I thought for a second man this is wrong but I put it out of my head and it was fine. I assure you as soon as I saw the new girl and hot she looked I didn't think of the ex while I was with her. I still was sad a few times while not with the new girl but not for very long and the new relationship was great and I stopped thinking about the ex very fast.

[Primo]

It's called a rebound relationship. It's normal and necessary. Just roll with it and try not to make a big deal of the range of thoughts and emotions that will go through your mind.

[chickpea]

Seriously, I'd wait. I've been in your situation before, and it's tempting to fall into something with somebody else in order to help "forget" the ex, but it's not fair to the new person. I usually wait at least a year before dating again, depending on the length of the previous relationship.

[Primo]

I usually wait at least a year before dating again

[chickpea]

O.K...here's an example. My ex broke up with me (many years ago) after a seven year relationship. Seven years is a pretty substantial chunk of time- the last thing on my mind was running right back out and jumping into another relationship- I wanted to regroup and get used to the joys (and yes, there are many) of single hood again. Now, if I were dating somebody for a few months, it wouldn't be a big deal....

[Primo]

We're not on the same page. I wouldn't jump back into an exclusive relationship either. Meeting and dating people on the other hand is one of the joys of being single imo and I'd be up for that pretty much right away after a breakup, with nothing more serious on the agenda than a pleasant time.