I feel like my wife of 9yrs is slipping away.....

[smitty7051]

my wife and I have been together for over 12yrs married for 9. We have to beautiful girls and what seemed like the perfect marriage. Until about three months abo while out for a night together at a nice hotel to celebrate our 9 th anniversary I found out the next morning that my wife was emailing an old boyfriend during the night. aafter I looked into her emails and text I found she was also talking too another guy friend of hers . Who she invited to one of her girls night out. That I was told was a work night.she did not get home that night until 0315 and she was drunk. I confronted her with the emails and such and after some initial denial she admitted it but said there was nothing going on she admitted she was wrong and didn't want to ruin our marriage. She says that she has felt hurt and far away from me due to some comments I made when were fighting almost a yr earlier. I told her during an argument that I didn't want to be married if this was how things were going to be also stated that her crying did not affect me anymore that I had grown used to it. We both said a lot of mean stuff to each other at that time I don't even remember what she said. But she says she can't get over what I said ......how can I get her to get over this and be the wonderful wife I love so so much.... Someone please help.... We are going to a marriage counselor but we have not gotten to this yet will it help us....???? Sorry so long my first time doing this

[vashti]

umm... she had a date with another guy, and you are wondering how SHE can move on?

No offense, my friend, but it sounds like you need to grow a back bone. Why does SHE get to be the victim?

[Alvy]

Tell her to cut off all contacts with this male friend...if she doesn't, then you'll take away the kids, the car, the good china, the beds, the television, the hou - you get the idea.

As for what mean thing you said to her, well, some people never forget and will hold it against you until they die. Unless you do something heroic like save her and the kids from your burning house.

[IndiReloaded]

Counselling! STAT!

Your communication has broken down and its been long enough that you probably need external help to get it back on track.

Oh, and yes, her dating thing is BS. Is she married & committed to you, or not? I wouldn't care if you were a total animal or how desperate I was, I wouldn't cheat. I would get a divorce first.

[smitty7051]

we just started counselling we haven't touch on any of this it's all been about how stressed she is from the kids and life in general. I am not a guy who just sits around and does nothing around the house I do most of the cooking I do laundry clean the kitchen and such I am not perfect but ii try to as much as I can. It just never seems to be enough latley for about the last year. I'm so lost I haven't a clue what I should do???????

[Gigabitch]

I think the next counseling session needs to be about her dating, not her stress level. Stop letting her drive everything.

[IncognitoSir]

I think the next counseling session needs to be about her dating, not her stress level. Stop letting her drive everything.

Exactly, she's trying to gear everything toward herself and make excuses before you even get to her: emails, texts, lying, and deception. She's clearly not the victim. Married couples fight some times and people say things dont mean all the time, but thats no excuse for what she did. Stress........funk that ish! She aint that stressed.

[Kaius]

You need to make SURE she didn't cheat on you. That makes a world of difference. Once a spouse crosses that line, there is no turning back. You'd never trust her again, and nothing will be good again.
So make sure you have all the facts. You know her long enough to know if she's lying.

[IndiReloaded]

Do you think she might be flinging this dating thing at you to test if you will leave? A lot of men would. Its beyond disrespectful, what she is doing.