In need of advice, can't work out where my girlfriends head is at..

[snh438]

Okay so I've been with a girl for about a year now, I love her very much and care for her a good deal, we live together and have done so for about 8 months already, admittedly we moved in quite quickly but we got an offer we couldn't refuse so to speak.

I like to think our relationship is good, we do lots together, always going out and getting out and about, have taken a couple of holidays together and we rarely argue.

I am an affectionate person, am not shy about speaking my mind and saying how I feel and I pride myself on trying to be the good boyfriend. I support her with her work and have always managed to be there for her when she's needed or asked me to be. I do all the little things that she tells me she likes and appreciates.

Before we'd met, she'd been in a a three year relationship with a guy she had adored and had presumed was her one. He broke up with her very suddenly and literally was out of her life within 3 days, though he did make a re-appearance a couple of weeks later and the result of that was he got her hopes up and then left again. Suffice to say she was destroyed. (This is what she has told me for the record, not that I'm saying I don't believe her, but just to clarify)

She'd told herself that she'd be single for at least a year and then see where she was at then.

6 months after coming out of that relationship, she met me.

The problem is, and perhaps i'm reading into something that I needn't be. But she's worrying aloud about not being a good girlfriend and that, she's not in a position where she's 'properly fallen for me'. She tells me she loves me and has made no attempt to end things, but when she talks about us, she says she doesn't know when she's going to be in that place again. She says she wants to be, that she loves me a lot and she worries about her being not as involved and will it make me leave and that she could understand if I wanted to,

What I've told her is that I get where she is (my ex of 4 years cheated on me and left overnight - albeit that was now 4 or so years ago itself), that I've been there and that I've no expectations of anything, that she is free to take her time. I remind her I love her and that she makes me feel happy and that frankly, right now, where we are at is good, we have fun, we enjoy life and aside from when we talk about this particular subject we're fine.

So realistically, I don't what to do. Do i do anything at all?? It's a very frustrating subject because as time goes by, it does get more frustrating. I don't ask anything of her but who doesn't like to hear their partner remind them that they love them? She tells me off her own back, but its somewhat infrequent. So yes, this is my situation, very confused and after puzzling on it for sometime, deciding to ask total strangers for advice!!! Anything is appreciated, thanks.

[lahnnabell]

Not sure what to tell you... You knowingly made the decision to date a woman that was still healing from the damage done by a toxic boyfriend. The reason she feels like she is stuck in limbo is because she's not full over her ex. If you push her in this matter, it will only push her away.

I do think that you should ask her to stop with the "wondering out loud" though. Her wondering when she's suddenly going to let go of her past and BE WITH you is hurting you. You don't have to be mean, but you should speak up about how what she says makes you feel.

[snh438]

Yeah, it was an easy decision to make at the time and you tell yourself that you'll be fine with it. I want to be fine with it I really do, we're making plans for next year and everything so she seems dead set on us remaining together. I want to be with her as despite this, we get on famously and I think the world of her. But you are right, it's pretty damn hurtful and it makes some days pretty damn hard. We both work fairly long hours so don't see tonnes of each other in the week, save the late evenings, that said, our weekends are spent together for the most part, though I never get in the way if she wants to see friends etc, I'm not that guy. Don't know what to do at all...if anything..

[lahnnabell]

You need to talk to her. Relationships function because the partners involved TALK to one another. If you can't do that, then the relationship will continue to suffer and so will you.

[snh438]

Yeah, I know I need to. It's just one of those chats that I guess could end up with us ending. Not sure I'm ready to deal with that. Was single for a very long time... a very long time. Don't fancy doing that again to be honest. Haha, nothings ever easy!

[lovefool87]

If everything is fine, and you two are happy, then why question it? Unless you are starting to feel insecure in your own relationship. If that is the case, you may need some time to figure your own thing out.

[xxazurexx]

Guess this is what happens when you choose to get involved with people who are still hung up on exes and because my guess is, is that she is still hung up on him.

I think way to often people will rush into something else with someone else and hoping to put their exes behind them - doesn't work that way. Things may be good for a while, but then we come back down to earth again.