Lack of Interest in Sex?

[madden]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I have been struggling with depression for a few years now, and I have been going to therapy for about a year for it. I believe my depression is beginning to take a toll on our sex life. In recent months, I've had a lack of interest in sex and I believe it is due to my depression. Today, she was very irritated with me because I did not feel like being sexual. I've refused sex many times throughout the last few months and she has clearly expressed to me that it is making her irritated and angry with me. I do not want to lose her over something like this.

[TheEvilJester]

Even now while going through your issues, how often do you two have sex? You don't have to answer that if you don't want, but I am just trying to put things in context. Also, about how far off would you say you two are when it comes to sex drive? I only ask because my gut reaction is that you are not just carelessly refusing her sex. You are going through some crap right now. ...But you are also getting the help you need. So, my gut reaction is honestly to think she has some nerve to be so hard on you when she can see what you are going through and see that you are actually working to get better.

All the same, though, if you two just naturally have very different sex drives, then you may really just not be a good match. Sex shouldn't be the MOST important thing in a relationship (and too many people out WAY too much importance in it), but that doesn't mean it is NOT important. If you two simply are not much of a match in that department, even at times when you are 100% okay and not dealing with a depression, then it probably really is just best if you two part ways. She'd be wrong to try to force you to have more of a sex drive.... but at the same time, you'd be wrong to expect her to be okay with less. So, that would be an instance of you two likely just not matching up in that way.

On the other hand, if you two typically DO have the same sex drive, or at least close enough to where it works for you.... then it is likely due to your depression. It would be one thing if you simply gave up and refused to do anything to help yourself. But, you haven't done that. You are getting help. If she can't be caring and supportive and be there for you in that, then maybe she doesn't deserve you in the first place. And, don't get me wrong, I can understand if it would get to be too much for her after a while. I've fought depression my whole life, so I know how much it sucks, and I know how badly it can effect those who care bout you. So, I could understand if she tried to be there for you but it was eventually too much. But, what you've described here doesn't feel to me like she is being very supportive.

All you can really do is continue to work to get better. Hopefully that will return your normal sex drive. Hopefully she can understand that and be there to support you. If not, honestly, maybe you'd be better off without her. With all you are going through, you don't need MORE reasons to be miserable. So, if she brings you only grief, that may mean you are just better off without the added drama in your life. I hope it doesn't have to come to that route, but you are fighting a difficult battle. You don't need something/someone only making it that much harder.

Good luck to you!