need some good advice

[bigbadbear]

hello all,

just ran across this website and figured i would register and ask for some advice from you all. a new female employee started working at my current job about 6 months ago. i was attracted to her at first sight. we have gone out with everyone in the office as a group ( not on a date) many times in the 6 months. recently i worked up the nerve to ask her out. everything went well and i was reading signs that she was interested in me through not only this date but at work and at the get-togethers from work. well at that same date, i had bought her a diamond neckalace to let her know that i was serious about continuing a relationship with her. i told her i am in no rush for an answer because she felt very uncomfortable that night when i gave her the gift. so we left it at that and now it has been over a week and we have not talked about it since. i do not want to push to find out but i would also like to know if she in fact really is not interested. any and all advice would be appreciated.

[updraft]

Ok BBB, first off, if buying someone a gift for a first date it should be flowers (single rose maybe?) certainly not a pricey piece of jewellry or anything more than $5!!! First thing you did wrong was not try to communicate more with this girl so you could find out what her feelings were for you (if she had any to begin with) ... She may be interested, which is probably why she went out with you, however, with your offering of an expensive gift, it may have scared her off, thinking she would have to feel obligated to go out with you some more because of the gift. Or maybe she felt she couldn't reciprocate that gesture....and why would she? Its way too soon for that!

A real relationship shouldnt start off with gifts and promises of more gifts....its a case of buying love and friendship....if you have the opportunity to speak with her again, let her know how you feel (without any gifts involved) and hopefully she will give you a straight up answer as to how she feels about you....good luck

[Tone]

Whoa! Way too much way too soon.

[Debunkt]

You scared her off.

[Junsui]

Wow a diamond necklace! How come that kind of stuff never happens to me?

[vashti]

That would definitely scare me off. Didn't anyone ever tell you it is inappropriate to lavish expensive gifts on girls you aren't even in a monogomous relationship with?

[bigbadbear]

are you sure i scared her away or is she just shocked. in a few conversations at work she mentioned that it would be great to get a diamond neckalace as a gift so remembering that i just bought it without thinking. she is a great person and i have let her know this. when i did give her the neckalace she smiled and was shocked, confused, embarassed, overwhelmed, and every other word you want to put there. smiling she said she was just kidding about getting a neckalace. i said i wasn't. anyway taking a step back mabe it was an over powering gift to give. i've been with losers and feel she is different form the rest.
thanks for reading and writing updraft, tone, debunkt, junsui, and vashti. and no, noone ever told me it is inappropriate to lavish expensive gifts on girls whether or not in a monogomous relationship. it is just the type of person i am i guess. always have been and always will be. i guess you can call it a character flaw.

[MastaPDiddy]

are you sure i scared her away or is she just shocked. in a few conversations at work she mentioned that it would be great to get a diamond neckalace as a gift so remembering that i just bought it without thinking. she is a great person and i have let her know this. when i did give her the neckalace she smiled and was shocked, confused, embarassed, overwhelmed, and every other word you want to put there. smiling she said she was just kidding about getting a neckalace. i said i wasn't. anyway taking a step back mabe it was an over powering gift to give. i've been with losers and feel she is different form the rest.
thanks for reading and writing updraft, tone, debunkt, junsui, and vashti. and no, noone ever told me it is inappropriate to lavish expensive gifts on girls whether or not in a monogomous relationship. it is just the type of person i am i guess. always have been and always will be. i guess you can call it a character flaw.

Don't sweat it too much.

I have the same problem. Even worse. I don't have the money to spend, but I bought a girl I had known for less than 2 hours, a diamond neckless with a heart pendant. I gave it to her and told her it was love at first sight.

Worked out for me though, she cired tears of joy and told me I've got to be the sweetest guy ever.


All of you ladies who DON'T expect nice lavish gifts whenever possible....well you need to raise the bar on the sweet kinda guy you look for.

[aloha22]

Wow. I'm grateful enough if the guy pays for dinner. Jewelry on the first date, especially diamond jewelry, is too much. Like updraft said, she probably feels obligated to go on more dates with you just for that reason-not good. I'd suggest apologizing for moving too quickly and then settle down a bit if you want this to work out.

[updraft]

All of you ladies who DON'T expect nice lavish gifts whenever possible....well you need to raise the bar on the sweet kinda guy you look for.

Dont misinterpret what I said please....I was referring to the start of a relationship...I never insinuated that people shouldn't give nice gifts after they are in a committed relationship. I just felt initially he was going over-board trying to impress the girl, and he scared her away by his actions. (Thing is BBB, now that you set your "bar high", she or whoever you end up with will expect this sort of red carpet phenomena all the time)....unless youre rich and can afford to spend crazy amounts of cash for frivolity in which case I guess youre entitled...?

[MastaPDiddy]

Dont misinterpret what I said please....I was referring to the start of a relationship...I never insinuated that people shouldn't give nice gifts after they are in a committed relationship. I just felt initially he was going over-board trying to impress the girl, and he scared her away by his actions. (Thing is BBB, now that you set your "bar high", she or whoever you end up with will expect this sort of red carpet phenomena all the time)....unless youre rich and can afford to spend crazy amounts of cash for frivolity in which case I guess youre entitled...?

Hmm..ok yeah you have a point.

I would only spend that much money on someone i really loved, or someone i knew well enough to where they wouldnt be freaked out.

[Tone]

Huh?

I would only spend that much money on someone i really loved, or someone i knew well enough to where they wouldnt be freaked out.

I don't have the money to spend, but I bought a girl I had known for less than 2 hours, a diamond neckless with a heart pendant.

Hmmm.........

are you sure i scared her away or is she just shocked.

She might have been shocked for a few minutes. But after the initial shock and given some time to think it probably turned into FEAR.

[MastaPDiddy]

Huh?

For instance, my best friend who happens to be a girl.

Hmmm.........

Creepy. But hey, you saw her shes gorgeuos and absolutely in love.

[Tone]

She's gorgeous = yes.

But there are ton of gorgeous women in the world LoL... I still wouldn't say I would be "fell in love" after two hours of meeting her!

I could be extremely infatuated = yes... but not to spend that much that fast!

[Junsui]

You know Tone, a lot of people confuse infatuation with love