I will admit the title is a little melodramatic, and intentionally so. This is day 3 after this all happened, and venting out to the public is my final closure before I move on.
I'm 24, she's 22. I've never trusted before, but have been with many. I gave her a shot.
I'm not a drinker, I never have been, never will be. Parties and such upset me, and she was having one for Halloween. I went out on a limb and came, interacted with her friends, and even bought them beer. As somebody who used to be controlling and idiotic about his partners drinking, that is a huge step for me. They have been partying since 8 PM, I didn't get off work until about 10. The agreement was that everybody would have a ride home as both she and I took days off the next day so we could spend the night together at my house. I had to be home by 4 AM, as my mom needed the car to go to work. That's a lot of partying, right?
I got there and joined in. I didn't drink, but I did play "beer pong" (she drank mine) and interacted with her friends. After most everybody found their way home, it was me, her, and two males. And this is where it got... stupid. As, we'll call her ex, so as ex and I were cleaning off the counters so her cats didn't get into stuff, and as she was packing up to go to my house, male B was the designated driver for the other guy. Male B was passed out drunk. Male A said he needed time to sober up.
About an hour and a half later, as male A is waking up, Male B, the one previously passed out.... whips his naked cock out, walks into the kitchen.... and pisses all over the kitchen table before going back to the couch and going to sleep. Male A does nothing in response to ex's "please get your friend". As she cleans his piss with a mop that she rinses off in the sink, she offers male B water. (I mean, he pissed on your table.... wanna give him more ammunition, right?) ...
We're ready to go, but male A is yelling at ex, saying, "you have an alcohol party and now are kicking people out, I don't need another DUI"....
Ex turns to ME and says "leave". I say let's talk outside. With a tear in my eye and a lot of anger... I come out with.... "I trusted you..." I was raising my voice, and she said she was sorry, but out comes male A, slamming the door into me and "ARE YOU YELLING AT EX?!" Keep in mind, this is the same male that was screaming about her having a party with alcohol minutes earlier.
I turn around and walk away. I'm a pretty solid man. I'm in shape. He wasn't. I could have ruined the rest of his life and I have the mental issues and desire to do it, trust. I didn't. I walked away. She has not contacted me since. She blatantly did exactly what brought on the controlling issues I had to begin with. She chose alcohol and friends over me. Directly over me. Keep in mind, the same friends who she didn't trust to stay at her house alone versus me, "the one" for her.
A day before this, we went up to a parking garage (her favorite place) to talk. We talked honesty, we talked relationship, we talked trust.
What have I learned from this? Trust is a freeing feeling. I can honestly say; I did nothing wrong. I really didn't in this situation. That's a good feeling. Before, I always screwed up, because if I break it I can fix it. This is a process that I can't call back and patch up. This was done to me. So after I'm done asking myself why, after I'm done crying and raging, I'll try again. I know what trust is about. It isn't about what happened to me with Ex.... it's about what could have with a much better person than she'll ever be.