Am I completely to blame..?

[Morri]

I'm not sure where to begin with this, honestly. I've never really been in this kind of situation before. Basically, I met a man online on a mmorpg that we played together. We were in the same guild and started talking. Almost immediately he told me he loved me, and even though I said nothing, I was a little off put by that but I let it go because I was enjoying the feelings and attention he was giving me. I had just come out of a long relationship and was 7 months pregnant. My childs father left me when I was about 4 months pregnant and wanted nothing to do with our child. So, it felt really nice that this man was interested in me and wanted me. He eventually even wanted to be a father to my unborn daughter. We were very hot and heavy in the beginning, spending every moment we could on the phone.. Sometimes staying on the phone for five hours and falling asleep together. Enough of that, though.. A few weeks into our relationship, he told me he had paid all of his bills and his rent (said he had his own apartment and I believed him because I was on webcam with him often and never saw anyone but him around) and didn't have enough money for food. I felt bad for him, and he didn't ask me for money so I made up a lie that I had a gift card to a food place from Christmas that I never used or never intended to use.. Truthfully, I bought it for him and he was a bit reluctant but eventually took it. Well, I inherited quite a bit of money a few weeks after that and I had told him about it. He told me he got evicted from his apartment because of an issue and had to move in with his Mother. After I got the check for my inheritance and put it in my bank, that night he told me he was staying in his car because he got into a fight with his Mom and had no money for food or gas.. I felt bad and took money from my paycheck to give to him, but I had no way to get it to him.. He told me about an app that he used with his cousin to send money back and forth to each other that allows you to send money without a price to someones bank account without giving your info out. He kept saying "No I can't do that.. but there's an app.." and I ended up sending him $50 that night. After the check cleared in my bank account, he asked if he could borrow money again.. I said okay, and I didn't mind.. Fast forward a few more weeks and he had been asking me on a more regular basis for money.. It was small amounts, like $5 and $15 but it was getting to be almost every day.. A few days before my daughter was born, I found out he had been flirting with another girl behind my back. He told me he met someone in the game we played and they lived a half hour away from him and I asked if it was a male or female, and he got defensive and accused me of not trusting him and that I didn't need to know if it was a male or female.. It turned out to be a female and that he was flirting with her. We argued that night and I cried, and he didn't seem like he cared too much that he hurt me. In fact, he was angry at me and hung up on me because I found out about it. He made it seem like I had never done anything for him, which hurt me even more because I listened to him complain and vent, and I had been lending him money whenever he needed it.. I forgave him and him asking me for money continued to the point where sometimes he'd ask several times a day.. He'd tell me it was for food, and sometimes he just said he needed gas or beer.. And then a few hours later, he'd have spent money on the game we played together.. When he bought things for the game, he never gave me anything from it.. Which kind of bothered me because I'd spend money on the game and he'd want things from me or I'd just give them to him.. Then when my daughter was born, he kind of stopped talking to me as much despite wanting to be a "father" to my daughter. My daughter was very sick when she was born and was in nicu for the first week of her life. I was so terrified I'd lose her and I was so upset.. I was a new Mom, I was doing it on my own and my child was sick.. I needed him to lean on.. Also my work had kind of screwed me over and my boss actually said to my co-worker "Did you hear the doctor say her daughter was sick or was this just something she told you?" which hurt because she made it seem like I made up my daughter being in the nicu.. Why would I lie about something like that? I vented to him and told him how alone I felt and he snapped at me and said "Idk, okay? Idk what you want me to say." And that really hurt.. I never asked him for anything, I just needed him to be there for me.. And even after that, while she was in nicu, he'd continue to ask me for more money.. I know it's my fault for giving it to him but I wanted him.. I wanted what we first had, that man that I fell in love with.. Who was there for me all of the time.. Most of our relationship he told me had lung cancer as well.. Well it turns out he lied and that's why he was kicked out of his Mother's house.. I had truly thought he had cancer and I felt bad for him.. It made me sick that he lied but again I forgave him.. Then after I brought my daughter home, he continued to grow apart from me.. We haven't spoken on the phone more than a hand full of times since my daughter has been home and she's 2 months old now. Well, I finally ran out of money.. Every day when he'd ask me, I told him I was running out and I needed it to buy things for my daughter and for my family and he swore he'd pay me back the money.. And so again I kept giving in to him.. Well, I was down to my last few dollars and I paid a bill and I had told him I had literally only a few dollars left.. Not even an hour later he asked if he could borrow those last few dollars and I reluctantly agreed.. He acted like he felt bad but I doubt he did.. Now that the money is gone, he's distant and says I've pushed him away completely.. I know this is my fault, I shouldn't have lent him any money or I should have stopped when it became a regular thing.. He seems to think it's okay he took my money, and that he can treat me coldly. I don't know what to do.. I don't know what happened.. My friends say he conned me.. and I don't know now. What do I do? Did he con me? Am I completely at fault for this for letting him borrow that first bit of money from me and not telling him no? I know I am to blame for a lot of it but I feel like it's completely my fault..

Any input is appreciated.. Thank you.

[GLYC]

Well, I'm not going to bust you completely for the money thing, it's obvious that you know that that was a mistake. It shows a lot about his character. But one thing you have to keep in mind is that, nobody will ever do anything to you that you don't invite them to do. He borrowed and borrowed, and you kept giving without receiv8ng anything in return.

Second. It sounds like your hurt about your past experiences. You clung to this guy possibly because you felt a void after your child's father disappeared, you said it yourself, you were initially off put by this guy. Avoid these online flings, I don't classify them as true relationships if you can never meet in person.

My recommendation. Find a new local man that can give you the comfort and actually physically be present for you, and for your child's sake so that they can witness what a truly great loving relationship looks like! And one day your child will grow up to emulate that new great relationship that you have gotten.

Screw this guy. Never contact him again.

[lovemenot]

Your friends are right - he definitely conned you. But it's not your fault at all. In these games there are some horrible people who just like playing mind games with others and benefit from their vulnerability. You were in a vulnerable place in your life and he figured that when he met you and these people are usually master manipulators so he new exactly what to say to make you feel the way you wanted to feel and then play his mind tricks on you to get you to do whatever he wanted. But it is not your fault once again. It is very easy to fall into these traps and especially if you are vulnerable at that moment. And I have fallen into such trap myself once (not exactly the same, but similar - also via an online game..) so I know exactly how used you might feel now and blame yourself for being so stupid and letting him use you like that. But you can't blame yourself, you are just a victim to his cruel mind games and it's best to just take it as a lesson, totally cut all contacts with him, delete him from social media and everywhere else and forget him and just move on. You have a little miracle beside you, so just focus all your attention to her and you will be alright

[Hooo!]

What exactly do you want?