Dating app cheating

[Hannahstar]

I'd really appreciate some advice from anyone right now!

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, we have a great relationship and felt like we really had something special, people comment on how sickening happy we are together and how perfect we for each other. He constantly tells me how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever.

Last year I found out he was looking at badoo, but he said he only scans through it looking, doesn't interact and he has a bit of a problem with things like that. (He is addicted to his phone). We worked through it but the trust was always a bit broken. Last week I caught him out on another dating app, actually messaging someone. I confronted him and once again he says he has a problem and a compulsion and doesn't know why he does it. We live quite far apart but think we manage the long distance well, we try to only spend a week apart at any time. He says he is unhappy while we are apart and his default when he's unhappy is to look at these sites. He's admitted he needs help but at the same time says he struggles with my low self esteem. He finds it frustrating I don't think I'm beautiful. But that's not an answer to cheat right!?

So while I appreciate he says he will get help he hasn't yet arranged anything and I honestly don't know if I can get over not being able to trust him. The deceit and lying has killed me. I don't know if we'll ever have back what we had.

So confused and would appreciate any advice

[GLYC]

Yeah, that's a big red flag. You dont use online dating services to meet friends.. and even if it's just curiosity, dude no. Distance shouldn't make things like this happen. If he's unhappy, he can end it like a man and do what he wants. But if he's with you, there's some basic expectations he needs to be following.

Lying and deceitful behavior. Not good.

He says he will get help? Umm, okay. While that's sweet, I don't think that's realistic. You should be a priority. Things like this shouldnt be happening, youve been together for 2 years, youre supposed to be the woman of his dreams.

He struggles with your low self esteem? So he's blaming you. That's immature and not cool.

[Snow White]

I went snooping through my husband's e-mails and found that back in 2015 he was visiting adult dating sites and corresponding with women. I, of course, was upset and surprised and confronted him about it. He told me he would never cheat on me and was just curious and bored and did try to turn it on me a bit by saying I wasn't giving him any attention.

What I know about my husband is he loves beautiful women and any attention he can get from them. If you are attractive, you could sell him anything. He was buying seaweed wraps for a while from a pretty girl. That didn't make what he did ok and we talked about it and I don't expect to find any of that again.

I guess I am trying to say, you need to tell him that that behavior is unacceptable and hurtful. If he is trying to tell you he has no control over his own behavior, that is a totally different thing. It sounds like BS to me, but you know him best.

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with the others that his excuses sound like complete BS to me. I also personally think what he is doing is completely unacceptable..... HOWEVER.... I will readily admit that I am a bit old-fashioned, and I think this MAY be one of those times. In other words, in this day and age I think some guys are just like that. It's an ego thing. They wouldn't ever cheat, but to know that other women are still interested in them kind of makes them feel better about themselves.

So, it is entirely possible he is being 100% honest with you. It is possible he'd never actually cheat on you or any woman. ....Of course, that still doesn't mean you have to be okay with this. I can tell you, I personally wouldn't be no matter how much I may feel I can trust my fictional, imaginary, never going to be real girlfriend. LOL! To be honest, even when you 100% do feel your partner can be trusted, most of us still wouldn't be okay with something like this. It's just one of those sort of things where he shouldn't even be putting you in the position to have to doubt.

So, agreed with the others in that you need to make it clear to him you are not okay with this and it needs to stop. I would say you start off for now by being firm but fair about it. In other words, don't discuss it as though he's done something very wrong, hurt you deeply, and it needs to stop. Approach it as though you understand and believe him that he doesn't mean anything by it..... but that you can't help the way it makes you feel and that he should not do that anymore. If you still catch him again, then it is certainly called for to begin to get less and less friendly about it. For now, though, just try to help him understand how this makes you feel even if he truly means nothing by it. Hopefully he will care enough to do whatever he needs to in order to stop.

Good luck.