How to solve what I now think was a misunderstanding with my boyfriend?

[surething2018]

Me and boyfriend of 10 months broke up 1 week ago due to what I think now was a misunderstanding.

We had an argument about something on Skype and we were both really pis*** off with each other. I had to stop the video call because someone was at my door for a delivery, and then we continued talking on text message.

It was the first time I saw him that angry and I wrote that if he reacts that way then it's better for us not to continue. But I was referring to the conversation/argument, not the relationship...

Now by re-reading the text messages, I think he thought I was breaking up and saying it's better not to continue the relationship. I just wanted to end the argument that day and maybe talk next day when we were calmer.

So immediately after we ended this text messaging, he deleted all our photos from his social media channels. It was like I was gone, puft. I thought he was the one breaking up with me and he did that as a way of telling me that.

I was very angry when I saw him doing this and next day I sent him a message saying I am going to give the stuff he has at mine to a common friend so he gives it back to him. He sounded really hurt and he responded saying "ok if this what you want".

And that was the last time we spoke.

Today I was going through the text messages and it just clicked by reading it that he thought I wanted to end the relationship, when I was actually refering to ending the conversation:

"if that's how you react when I tell you what I don't like I believe we are better not continuining this because I have no need for this in my life." So I basically should have written "conversation" after "not continuining this", but because I wrote nothing, he thought the missing word was "relationship".

I think this was a major misunderstanding and I tried today to contact him on social media by saying hi, he read it but ignored me.
Should I send him a message to his phone number asking to meet to have a conversation? I think none of us wanted to break up.

[DalM0m]

If you don't reach out, you will never potentially be able to resolve this.

I would absolutely say that when you said you didn't want to continue you meant you did not want to continue the conversation but you were not saying that you wanted to stop having a relationship but then when he deleted everything you thought he was the one breaking up.

You must take the risk & specifically tell him that you are sorry for your part in the misunderstanding and that you would like to get back together because you never meant to break up.

Then all you can do is hope he feels the same way.

[surething2018]

If you don't reach out, you will never potentially be able to resolve this.

I would absolutely say that when you said you didn't want to continue you meant you did not want to continue the conversation but you were not saying that you wanted to stop having a relationship but then when he deleted everything you thought he was the one breaking up.

You must take the risk & specifically tell him that you are sorry for your part in the misunderstanding and that you would like to get back together because you never meant to break up.

Then all you can do is hope he feels the same way.

Thank you. I am going to do that, will send him a message today saying I never meant to break up, that I feel sad and confused and would like to have a conversation with him about it. If he is on the same page and wants to meet me, fine, and we can try and solve things.

If he ignores me or says he doesn't want to, well then it is solved too because it says a lot about how he feels about me. Either way, at least I did something instead of sitting here going crazy thinking about it.

[GLYC]

Just speak your truth then let it be.

If I was in his position, you're right, I absolutely would have interpreted that the same way. Especially if you didn't say anything after " if this is what you really want"

[surething2018]

Just speak your truth then let it be.

If I was in his position, you're right, I absolutely would have interpreted that the same way. Especially if you didn't say anything after " if this is what you really want"

Yeah I did find it weird when he wrote that "if this is what you really want" after deleting all my photos from his social media profiles like I've never existed, but I was pis*** off at the time, so didn't give it much thought.

If it was now, I would have responded something like: "no this is not what I want, but it seems it's what you want after deleting all our photos". But I was hurt and sad and didn't want to talk to him that day.

I get it now after reading the text messages how he interpreted everything, because I would have interpreted the same way too.

Well this happened for a reason I guess. To me it shows I really love him and miss him, not sure about him. Will send him the message today.

At least if this is really the end of the road for us, I wanted it to be knowing he doesn't want to solve things and wants to move on, not because of a misunderstanding.

Thank you.

[GLYC]

Yeah, exactly.

I'd just be like, "Hey, I regret doing this.. this.. I was upset and that was a mistake, I really want to work things out with you. I had so much fun when we were together. Please let me know if you ever feel the same"

Not exactly like that obviously, some variant in your own words that sounds better. It doesn't have to be a huuuuge story, just hit the main things. And importantly, state what you want"

Then the ball is in his court, if he ever changes his mind, he will let you know. Or else, you basically have to make him and yourself believe that it's over forever.

- - - Updated - - -

**I mean, and the you basically have to have the mentality that it's over forever unless you hear from him again. And try to move forward with yourself eventually.

On.mobile so I can't edit

[surething2018]

Yeah, exactly.

I'd just be like, "Hey, I regret doing this.. this.. I was upset and that was a mistake, I really want to work things out with you. I had so much fun when we were together. Please let me know if you ever feel the same"

Not exactly like that obviously, some variant in your own words that sounds better. It doesn't have to be a huuuuge story, just hit the main things. And importantly, state what you want"

Then the ball is in his court, if he ever changes his mind, he will let you know. Or else, you basically have to make him and yourself believe that it's over forever.

- - - Updated - - -

**I mean, and the you basically have to have the mentality that it's over forever unless you hear from him again. And try to move forward with yourself eventually.

On.mobile so I can't edit

Thank you.

Yesterday I cliked "like" on his last Instagram photo he posted yesterday and he basically blocked me from his Instagram. I think this is very rude of him and it shows how (not) open he is to be closer to me again.

Also, a friend of mine that is on an online dating website told me she saw his profile in there.

I am not a person to chase anyone, so I am not going to send him any message. I want a partner that we might have an argument and get angry with each other, but ultimately what we feel for each other is bigger than that and both want to solve things.

I did an atempt to get closer to him and his response was very clear. I guess it's time to move on.

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I 100% understand how you felt when you got upset with him, so I don't blame you. I also 100% get how sometimes you don't realize the way you word something could be interpreted differently from what you intended. In the heat of the moment, sometimes you don't realize what you say, meaning it one way, can be taken a completely different way by somebody else. But, I would definitely agree based on the wording you chose, he probably thought that was exactly what you meant. That you wanted to end the relationship.

From there, things just escalated. He reacted, thinking that was what you meant, so he removed all your photos together. You, seeing that, thought that meant HE was breaking up with you, and it all snow-balled from there. So, based on that alone, I do think I would agree you might as well give it a shot and see if he'll talk it out with you. Maybe this was something you two could work through and both grow stronger for it, both as individuals and as a couple.

I will say this... I don't necessarily like his reaction whether he thought you were breaking up with him or not. Instead of talking to you about it like a mature adult (which would have revealed the misunderstanding and maybe even helped you two work on making this situation better for the future), he chose to over-react and basically torch you out of his life completely. So, honestly, that does make me lean a little towards thinking you are probably better off without him anyway. ....BUT, I'll readily admit that nobody is exactly their best self in moments of such elevated emotion. So, I could give him SOME credit and think maybe he just over-reacted out of the heat of the moment.

COULD give him some credit had he been mature enough to calm down later and give you that chance to talk. Sounds like you tried and he responded by blocking you on social media. So, that may honestly be all you need to know. He over-reacted in the first place, and that is what caused the issue in the first place as well. He responds to that by continuing to over-react. Sounds, to me, like maybe you dodged a bullet. It would have been nice if he could have given you the chance to talk, but sounds like he's not going to do that. Good for you for being mature enough to be willing to talk things out. Would have been nice if he was mature enough to do the same. As far as I'm concerned, that's his loss, not yours.

So, you are probably better off just moving on. Eventually you will find somebody more mature and will wonder why you even bothered with him. Good luck to you.

[GLYC]

Thank you.

Yesterday I cliked "like" on his last Instagram photo he posted yesterday and he basically blocked me from his Instagram. I think this is very rude of him and it shows how (not) open he is to be closer to me again.

Also, a friend of mine that is on an online dating website told me she saw his profile in there.

I am not a person to chase anyone, so I am not going to send him any message. I want a partner that we might have an argument and get angry with each other, but ultimately what we feel for each other is bigger than that and both want to solve things.

I did an atempt to get closer to him and his response was very clear. I guess it's time to move on.

Exactly. You need a teammate, it takes two to tango. Disagreements are normal, every health relationship has them as it's a sign of two people with their own individual minds. Obviously how you go about them and handle disagreements can be another thing. Saying this in a general sense, not at this situation.

But anyways.

Yeah, there was some bad communication on your part, but nobody is perfect. You tried to resolve things, and he didn't want to. That's all you can do.

The only thing is, if he interpreted it as you breaking up with him, sometimes people are a little more reluctant to get back together after those moments because they think you'll just change your mind again.

However, he acted kind of immature. The blocking thing, what are we in middle school?


I really wouldn't call saying that you want to work things out as chasing.
But that's your choice if you want to send that or not.

He's obviously trying to move on, with going on online dating.

So I agree, I would do the same.

I typically mirror people to an extent, if they don't care, I don't care. Because, what's the sense in caring for someone that no longer cares for you? And while I think it's good to be willing to put aside your ego for people at times (I do know some great relationships that were formed despite some rocky early moments), if they're showing no sign of caring, just keep living as if it's over forever.