My girl thinks Im too rich/wealthy for her

[trixlopez]

Hello..

First off, I didnt create this topic to brag. Read on..

I have this really unusual situation. I have been dating a very beautiful Asian girl (we're in LA) for about 10 months now and I think she's the most incredible woman I have ever met. The problem is, she fears that our relationship may not last because she said I am too wealthy and that she thinks I can easily replace her anytime. I was like .. wwwwwwhat???

But you know what guys, I later felt more and more drawn to her knowing that it's not my money she wants. Now I just want her to have peace of mind and make her see the real me..

What should I do?

[CircleC]

I like how you used TWO words to describe your financial well-being in your post's title. Sweet.

What should I do?

You should allow me to bear some of your burden. Send me some money.:-)

[trixlopez]

circlec, my apologies it if seemed arrogant. money really cant buy everything especially love, i found that to be true ;-)

[shh!]

Cultural differences between socioeconomic classes can be very difficult to bridge. I don't know that this is the case for her, but if you are wasteful or extravagant with money, it might be alienating for her. Lower economic classes place a higher value on money than the affluent.

[misombra]

this is true. i once dated this guy that was rich/wealthy and he always would use it to get his way. whenever we went to a restaurant he would tell the waiter, "i want to sit over there please ::pointing::" and he'd order the most expensive wine. he was such a snob. i knew it wouldn't work out with us when he told me one day as we were driving back from santa fe, "the stupid air conditioner in my car ran out so i had to drive with my windows open and my hair is all messed up."

[bluesummer]

Having dated someone more well-off than I, I can say that it can be quite intimidating. You always think that your partner or their family look down on you in some way and think they would leave you if someone of their socio-economic standing were to come along. My ex wasn't a snob, but his parents were, and made it quite obvious they thought of my family as 'lower-class'. Horrible.

The only thing you can really do is assure her that money is unimportant to you, and that if YOU had to be poor to be with her, you would. You would right?

[trixlopez]

thanks for you replies guys.

bluesummer - that would be romantic, but i would be lying if i tell her that money is unimportant to me.. heck, how can i make her happy without money

i have slowed down giving her stuff.. although im really so uncomfortable not being able to give her the things that i really want her to have because she might perceive it the wrong way.. F!!! this is crazy eh?

[Junsui]

this is true. i once dated this guy that was rich/wealthy and he always would use it to get his way. whenever we went to a restaurant he would tell the waiter, "i want to sit over there please ::pointing::" and he'd order the most expensive wine. he was such a snob. i knew it wouldn't work out with us when he told me one day as we were driving back from santa fe, "the stupid air conditioner in my car ran out so i had to drive with my windows open and my hair is all messed up."

lol His hair got messed up! Did he ever eat gold? I think it's an ice cream sundae where they put gold on it and you can eat it. I think it was on Dave Chapelle where he was making fun of that, I can't really remember though. I just thought of that when I read your post.

[shh!]

i have slowed down giving her stuff.. although im really so uncomfortable not being able to give her the things that i really want her to have because she might perceive it the wrong way.. F!!! this is crazy eh?

Yeah, don't overdo the gift-giving. You will make her feel as though you are trying to buy her, and it will only serve to illustrate the fact that she cannot reciprocate to the same degree, making her feel inferior.

I think eventually, should you two stay together and assuming your relatives are kind, down-to-earth types, she will be able to adjust. I grew up very poor, but married a man who isn't poor (not wealthy either). Even that took a while to adjust to.

I remember one time early on my husband had an investment pay out dividends, and he received a check in excess of what I would make while working a whole year. He thought I would be thrilled, but I cried. It seemed so unfair that some people seem to have it so easy while others have to struggle just to put food on the table.

I have lasting issues about money, for example I won't gamble in Las Vegas, I tend to donate more heavily to charities than my husband would like, and I tend to stick with middle-of-the-road big purchase items, clothes, etc. I can't allow a cleaning lady to come into my home and work without helping her out. I always notice when people are frivolous or too flashy with money and I feel a little guilty about not being poor.

That is likely the dynamic you will be dealing with.

[Lloyd95]

Wow trixlopez, I have the same problem! That, and my penis is just too big to have sex with.

[Chlorine]

trixlopez-----"The problem is, she fears that our relationship may not last because she said I am too wealthy and that she thinks I can easily replace her anytime. I was like .. wwwwwwhat???"

Sometimes we feel more comfortable with someone who is from the same economic background as us. Reason being that you'de understand each other, you'de both have faced similar issues. Like having to take the bus or subway to work, because we don't have enough money to buy a car.

She's worried you will replace her....maybe because she feels you don't understand her......

She's worried you will discard her once you tire of her. The generalisation being that rich people are flippant about money and everything else.

[Junsui]

Wow trixlopez, I have the same problem! That, and my penis is just too big to have sex with.

That seems to be a common problem. I wish someone had the answer for this.

[shh!]

That reminds me of a joke my bio teacher told us yesterday (he said it is old, but I hadn't heard it before).

The reason that women have problems judging distance accurately is because for their whole life they have been told that this is 10 inches:

I <------------------------------------------> I

[Lloyd95]

That reminds me of a joke my bio teacher told us yesterday (he said it is old, but I hadn't heard it before).

The reason that women have problems judging distance accurately is because for their whole life they have been told that this is 10 inches:

I <------------------------------------------> I

Yup, I have the same ruler.

[Tone]

LOL too funny!