I need your valuable advice/opinion

[Kimi1184]

Greetings,

I would love to share with you a quandary I'm facing at the moment. It's related to my relationship with a girl I met more than year ago through the dating app, Tinder.

It started off as a casual friendly talk. We would not talk all the time. Maybe we would text for few days but then stop for few weeks and so on.

The thing is, we always had massive respect for each other. I honestly wasn't all interested to meet her (at the time). But she was. She asked me one year ago to meet (she goes out only with girls as her parents are very conservative). She kind of carried this mentality and she always had the dream thought to give her love to the one. And to go out with anyone she meets on the Internet. So I think asking me out was very special.

Anyways, I had my circumstances, and told her to meet some day in the future but not now. It's true that I've been through depression in the last couple of years and had suicidal thoughts many times. She didn't know about this, I just told her I'm too busy.

This year our conversations started to become more lengthy and meaningful. We started to appreciate each other more and more. Our discussions were so open and would have great times. We started to take on phone, and she told me a lot about her life and her past. She is 22, still virgin, and never dated a man. She is attractive and also has a marvelous personality. It's mind-blowing to me she is not in a relationship.

She told me she refused a lot of men who proposed to marry her. She told me she thought they were just after her body and not soul. She told me she is looking for someone she would connect with.

So our talk slowly but surely diverged from friendly talk to flirting. And also told her about my life and especially my serious health issues. She was very supportive. Until she started to tell me that she'll always be my side no matter what. I thought this was really huge of her to say.

I told her thank you but everybody says this. Easy said than done kind of words. She told me no, I mean it, I'm not a kid and I mean what say. If I say it to you then it's because I think you deserve it. She also told me that I'm the only guy that talks with a lot (others she would just have small talk with and would not care about them). And yes, we talk a lot.

She offered me to meet again. She told me I'd drive you to the doctor if you want. Because in the last weeks I had multiple visits to medical centers for MRI scans and stuff. I refused though. I told her it's OK, my dad does it for now.

On the night before my MRI scan she told me beautiful things, such as I'll never let you alone, you're a great man and you deserve all beautiful things, I'll never say no to you, or piss you off, or makes you feel sad. I see you as a friend, as a brother and as a husband. I thought this was huge though..

She was very concerned about my MRI scan results. Which came out a bit bad. Anyways, through all this negative emotions that I have because of my illness and life issues, she would always repeat it that I'm here for you, always with you at any moment. This actually makes feel good but I'm 30, and fairly experienced, and I know words mean nothing. However, I have a feeling she means what she say.

She extremely busy lately, so we don't text a lot. After she graduated from college last month, she started to enjoy the summer holidays with her female cousins. She attended a wedding last weekend and asked me if I liked her dress. I said yes and she was very happy. She asked in a very flirting tone I could say.

But last Monday, she called me at 3.30 am. I was still awake, I didn't want to reject her call. It was too weird that I decided to ask her why you'd call at such late time. At first she was very confused, and showed concern that she woke me up. Then finally, in a shy tone, told me that she missed my voice.

Then we started to talk and talk for like an hour and half. She told me about the wedding she attended and the fun she had. And also talked about other topics that were romantic in a way... Such as would you be there for a woman if she was completely burned? And similar stuff.

Then around 5 am she started to feel sleepy and then we said goodbye. Since then, we didn't text or talk. It's 2 days now. I'm honestly waiting for a text from her, maybe she is doing the same? Maybe she realized she was too pushy calling me at very late time and thought she'd better give it some space?

One more thing I noticed, she doesn't have a problem flirting and talking with me even though her female cousins were around her. That means they definitely know about me. However, I'm pretty sure her parents don't know.

I'm a gentleman in my nature, I'm still not sure if she likes me or not. If she really thinks I'm the guy for her. All what I know is, I don't want to use her, or her innocent heart and affection. I'm very lonely and in an awkward life situation. I refused to get into meaningless empty relationships with women that were ready to hang out. I just didn't want to use anyone. I prefered to be alone and suffer than use the affection of a woman I'm not convinced to be with her.

Now I'm not sure if I have to give it a go with this young woman. I appreciate her a lot. She is one beautiful human being. I think I deserve to be with a woman like her after all the sacrifices that I've done and the hell that I've been through. But I'm still not sure. I'm not sure if I have to meet her with my dilapitating fragile state. I don't know if she is the kind of woman that would help me get out of my sorrow and pain without judging me. I'm not surprised if she means all this.

Based on everything I know about her, I would love if she'd be with me on my surgery day, only her. But I don't know if I have to trust it and meet now in spite of my terrible state. (I promised her earlier to meet when I feel better and she said she'd wait).

I have to add that she is completely crazy about my personality, my attitude towards her and my principles and values in life. I think this fairly explains why she likes me.

I want to know what to do. Do you I have to trust her? Do you think she means what she says based on everything I described? Do you think that maybe she prematurely loves me?

I don't know, I'm very confused about my life and my future. I don't want to believe it's true. But I don't want to rue killing this opportunity. Maybe she is the one, and I'm ignoring it... Add to that the suicidal thoughts that I have now, I just wish if I'm next to her now appreciating how life is beautiful, instead of the grim image I have about it as I'm writing this...

Thank you for every constructif opinion. (And please avoid talking about suicidal thoughts because that's not the subject I want answers about - however your answers might help me decide what to do with this woman).

My kind regards,

[Hooo!]

Can’t you summarize this monster of text?